Mateja's Adventures

the song from willy wonka

2011-05-01T19:13:00.001-05:00

"...and if I don't get the things I am afterrrr......Imm goingg to screeeeaaammmmm........"

La Cucina Siciliana (OK not really but still)

2011-01-14T20:32:00.004-06:00

I was bummed today because I lost my turquoise ring that is from Morell's in Bemidji. So to console myself I concocted an Italian feast a la The Godfather, using the recipe the Clemenza character describes in Part I (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eZD-ApotEOQ&feature=related).

You never know you might have to cook for 20 guys someday.

1) Start out with a little bit of oil. Then you fry some garlic.

From Clemenza's Sauce

2) Then you t'row in some tomatoes, some tomato paste.

From Clemenza's Sauce

3) You fry it, make sure it doesn't stick.

3) When you got it to a boil, you shove in all your sausage and your meatballs (all I had in the fridge was apple & chardonnay sausages so that had to suffice this time).

From Clemenza's Sauce

4) A little bit of wine (I didn't have marsala but this worked OK)...

From Clemenza's Sauce

5) And a little bit of sugar--and that's my trick [I also added some crushed red pepper because I like my sauce a little spicy, all'arrabiata, as it were].

From Clemenza's Sauce

...Came out not too badly at all if I do say so myself. I decided to go the whole hog.

From Clemenza's Sauce

AND.... these little guys for dessert--I made the filling myself! Note the tasteful Italian flag colors.

From Clemenza's Sauce

Don't You Be Knockin' My Nelson Co. Peeps.

2011-01-04T12:54:00.003-06:00

http://www.ghostsofnorthdakota.com/

Visit here, click on "Kloten, ND." Read the photographer's comments.

I never do this, but for some reason (lots of cups of coffee, perhaps?), I had this to say in response:

Message for Nathan Mastrud: thanks for the beautiful and telling pictures of Kloten, a town I spent many a summer day tearing around when I was a kid. But please keep the snarkiness to yourself. People still live in Kloten, and the town is in tough enough straights without you giving it a bad rap on this website with comments like “fear of shotguns” etc. If you want to do this town a favor, take it from me and the other poster Mike Schmidt and take that comment off your description–ND has enough trouble reminding the rest of the United States that it even exists, let alone getting people to visit, without comments like that (besides which, it’s not true. Nobody in Kloten is going to come after you with a shotgun or sic the dogs on you).

Thanks for the lovely site!

I SHOW YOU out of order!: A Few Words in regard to my Undying Love for the Films of Al Pacino

2010-12-11T21:50:00.005-06:00

Who can say why, every 6 months or so, this seems to happen? Scroll with me, if you will, to an entry from June, almost to the day, wherein I completely go hog-wild for the films of Russell Crowe.

Peanuts.

Now of course you do not need to hear it from me; we all know that Al Pacino is one of the greatest actors alive today and even on most people's the "most awesome actors ever" short lists. We know he has won all sorts of awards for his talent, that comedians consider an Al Pacino impression an important thing to have under one's belt, and that he's cool enough to live his own life how he wants to and not feel the need to crow about himself to the whole world in tabloids and all of that nonsense.

So there's really no need for you to read any of this, I just want to ramble on for a bit because I am getting a cold, I can't concentrate on linguistics anymore, and I am waiting for this handy dandy NyQuil to kick in so I can stop sniffing like a coke fiend and be ready to hit the books tomorrow bright and early.

I saw Scent of a Woman for the first time last weekend, that was pretty fantastic and I have to say I get the odd feeling that that's the exact personality I'm going to have later in life. Not suicidal I hope, and hopefully not uttering strange noises like "hoo-hah" every five seconds, but having snarky comebacks, smart and to-the-point frank observations on the bullshittiness of life, not taking crap from anyone, screaming whenever the hell I feel like it and watching people cower in fear. And having something worthwhile to say while screaming at that.

...wait, that's a LOT of Pacino's characters. Maybe that's why I love him. And why I went on to watch all the other ones I haven't seen, such as Insomnia, Dog Day Afternoon, Heat (GOD is that ever a good one. Please see it if you haven't. I thought it was just a simple cops and robbers but it's more), Glengarry Glen Ross, Devil's Advocate (sexy), Carlito's Way (kinda boring and also I think he doesn't look very good with a beard), and Donnie Brasco. Also had to rewatch my faves The Insider, and of course my ultimate fave--we all know it--Scarface. Of course, I'm not done; still have to watch quite a few more, but after all I am in grad school and, after all, it's almost finals week.

Honest to God I am not trying to make a professional movie review out of this. It would be a lot more coherent and insightful if I were. Screw coherent anyway--have you ever listened to our honoree do an interview or accept an award? Talk about rambling and changing subjects faster than bothering to finish sentences. But that's how it goes when you are a genius, I suppose.

I think part of why I am really enjoying his films right now too is the raw emotion displayed--big or small (usually both and nothing in between, ha ha. A lot of times you have to adjust the volume on your TV when youre watching his movies.) that he can drum up for a role. I never acted to speak of myself, but the little I did do I utilized method acting principles too. It was the only thing that really made sense to me and the only procedure I really believe in, because method acting has us find that these emotions are inside of all of us, somewhere. Al Pacino is able to utilize method acting, bring those human emotions we all have from somewhere inside himself in such an effortless way, it makes me feel that I AM his characters. And I want to channel them sometimes. Isn't there a little "Say hello to my little friend" in all of us? In the last week I can count at least three times when I was feeling frustrated and wish I could just have Al's voice for 5 seconds so I could say the line, "This is such a crock of SHIT." Of course the non-rage moments are very important too. I almost cried during the scene in Dog Day Afternoon, when he is on the phone with his ex-boyfriend. That scene and the one with his wife in the hospital waiting room toward the end of Heat, and his phone conversation with Russell Crowe's character in The Insider when he tells him "Guys like you are in short supply," those are so human and so real, right down to a roll of the eyes and yet delivered like an actor--not just mumbled or thrown away. Giving credit where credit is due, those scenes were also masterfully written.

I've stopped making sense, I realize. I am too tired and about ready to sleep but I just felt like going on a tangent. I do this every few months I guess.

Last thoughts though: Al always seems to be chewing gum or smacking his lips in his movies, at least the later ones. Thoughts on that? Also, I think he's pretty sexy--It's the gravelly voice that could pop off on you any second, his badassness, and the fact that so much power comes under not that much height (I'm baised, I know-- being vertically challenged myself I know all too well how much fun it is to show them all the fire and vitriol hidden in a shrimpy stature). And hey now, before you go off and judge me, remember that so many people still think Sean Connery is sexy and he's a full decade older than Mr. Pacino. As Goldie Hawn said (in reference to Connery) in The First Wives Club, "He's 300 years old but he's still a stud!"

And with that, I'm going to bed. Goodnight, all!!

a quick word on endodontics

2010-10-13T21:42:00.002-05:00

For all of you out there who are afraid, let me be the one to dispel the myth: root canals don't hurt. NO, I am not some anomalous exception, nor am I a freak who lives for pain. (I do have a high pain threshold, but over the last 3-4 days I can definitely say I met my match. Maybe childbirth hurts more than what was going on in my mouth--which was an abscessed molar, by the way--but just maybe. This was serious business--as in multiple Vicodin did nothing for me--but back to my quick word:)

It's not so much that I "hate the dentist"; on the whole I've always had very nice ones who did good jobs. But still they are working with loud whining scary-looking instruments that feel funny when scraping away parts of your body. For some reason that has always freaked me out. And historically it's always taken upward of six Novocaine shots to "do me."

So I was a little nervous -- shaky hands and heart palpitations-nervous--when sitting down to get my first-ever root canal.

The short and simple story is, they take really cool digital pics of your tooth (before and after, so you can see the difference), they shoot you full of Miracle Painkillers, yes they do prod you with lots of drills and lots of fucking scary long-ass needles, and I'll admit when they scrape those things up and down the inside of your tooth over and over and so that your tooth is more or less getting raped by a succession of really long serrated metal dicks, it's somewhat disturbing. But--no pain. None at all. I think I had the slightest twang (could have even been my imagination) once, the doc apologized three times and gave me another shot of N just for good measure. And the whole thing only took about 30 minutes.

I was pleasantly surprised at that.

I was very unpleasantly (not- so-)surprised at the bill. If you don't have good dental (I am a grad student, so you do the math), be prepared because paying for your root canal is the truly painful part.

Back to studying for phonology -- cheers, all.

this is an observation, not a real update.

2010-10-03T16:06:00.002-05:00

Yes, I am in grad school now.

No, today's not the day I write a long essay about it, though that is coming, mark my words--

Today is the day that I come on here to proclaim that I just discovered a certain pattern of happenings in my undergrad life that, while completely irrelevant now, are quite ironic and kind of irk me now that I think about it.

Also, does anyone want to read a mock linguistics abstract? It's supposed to be a joke, and I can't tell if what I wrote is actually funny or not. Let me know--comments and feedback appreciated.

updates, celebrations, the works

2010-06-10T08:57:00.001-05:00

Blog entries ought to be insightful and well-constructed -- at least better constructed than, say, tweets. But the following is more like thought vomit, coming from 3 cups of coffee, a BLACKHAWKS STANLEY CUP, and other such things.

I have been struck of late by the fact that my brothers and I are now "old." OK we're not all (are any of us?) fully mature adults yet, but hell, how well I remember graduating from high school and where I was psychologically. Even more vivid is my college graduation, where Al is now in his life. Emotionally our situations are somewheat different in that there was next to no celebrating for my college graduation/Al's high school. Mom was in chemo, and couldn't even attend Al's commencement a few short miles away, let alone mine in California. Dad came out to SCU like the trooper he is, and I was a mess of nerves and emotions .. my perspective temporarily gone, that was NOT a pretty picture -- but that's a story for another day.

This year, the celebration was well worth the wait. Al and Franz were both home, and we had a grand old bash in the backyard, attended by all our good friends and lubricated by copious amounts of beer , vodka, rum, tequila and blue curacao (I made it a semi-luau party). I was so touched that my cousins Theresa and Derek came from the Cities and Fargo, and, more excitingly, Teta Mary and STARAMAMA from Toronto! My heart was overflowing with joy, even whilst there was often more alcohol than blood in my veins & arteries. And definitely too much fatty food. But thanks to everyone, and congrats to my wonderful brothers Aloysius and Franz.

Between then (May 27-29) and now, there have been tidbits of general interest news that I feel compelled to share with the universe for reasons unknown. One, I joined a "gym." Parentheses denote the fact that this is a Cardinal Fitness, not a true gym in that it has no pool or track, and the elliptical machines could be little more sophisticated. I finally had to suck it up and join after feeling the old familiar pain in my right knee and lumbar region from running. It feels good to exercise! I'm not quite to where I was last year, but then I started earlier and there were a number of other factors contributing to my success then, not the least of which were more consistent weather, more control over food intake and free lunch choices @ work.

Last week I got to see my old friend Christine, whom I met in York, England over three years ago, for a few hours as she waited for a connecting flight. I was so happy to see her and was amazed at how it felt like no time had passed at all. I guess that's how it is with good friends.

TMI (?) news: I finally got fed up with my stupid skin and bought Proactiv. My acne isn't and never was terrible, but I was finally won over by those before-after pictures, and thinking back to this time last year when I was experiencing no skin problems whatsoever (think medicines that regulate hormones, people...) I just got a little overwhelmed--that and there was a vending machine right there in front of me at Macy's. So far it seems to be working well but maybe it's the power of suggestion. At least it isn't burning my face off, which is what happened when I tried it back in 2002. Did they change their formula? Or is my face just more weathered now?

Silly news: Over the last few weeks--I think in fact that it was after flipping through channels and watching part of Gladiator on Starz--my cerebral cortex remembered how amazing Russell Crowe is. Not just physically sizzlin' but really, really talented guy. Anyway, I have made it my mission to procure every single one of his films. With the exception of the early Australian ones, which are a major bitch to find, and then not in Region 1 format, I have accomplished this task. Skip to the end where I go into some review-type things.

I should probably sign this off as it's getting a bit lengthy. Must go rustle up some grub and continue celebrating the Blackhawks' stunning victory.

Here follows rambling reviews of some of Russell Crowe films:

I have to say, I hope Denzel Washington fired his agent after Virtuosity. The film's redeeming quality is Crowe. He totally gets into the character, as ludicrous as some of the scenes are. With a lesser actor, we would have been able to read the "I can't believe I'm doing this, I look like such as ass" on his face the whole time. I love Denzel, but he didn't have much to work with in this movie, poor guy. You want to see a good Denzel movie (that also stars Mr. Crowe), rent American Gangster. Killer soundtrack on that bad boy, too.

If you haven't seen The Insider, see it. Pacino, Crowe and Plummer constitute a total triumvirate of kick-ass acting in this gem. I also liked State of Play more than I expected to (fave scene there is Russell's character simulateously driving, singing and pounding on wheel to the beat of an Irish tune, and pouring Cheetos into his mouth. -- It's like we were separated at birth!!).

Interesting too that films I remember loving years ago fell flat this time around: example would be L.A. Confidential. Nothing particularly wrong with it, just kind of flat. Kim Basinger gives me the creeps for some reason. New favorite thing about that movie is actually Guy Pierce's delivery on this line: "Stop talkin' about Bud White." Not sure why.

Fuck the haters when it comes to Mystery, Alaska. I don't care that it's a half-baked good idea for a film, Russell looks très delicieux in skates and a hockey jersey, 'nuff said. And once again, delivers his lines with feeling and never once letting on that he knows he could be doing so much better than this film.

Pass on A Good Year, but not for any good reason other than that it just doesn't "feel right" to put 3 powerhouse lead dramatic actors together with a powerhouse epic/drama director in a silly romantic comedy. It doesn't work. Even though poor Ridley appeared to do everything right, right down to the cute music. You spend the entirety of the movie waiting for Russell and Marion to cut the cutesy crap and go fight the Hezbollah or corporate fraud or something. Maybe too it's that we know Crowe and his love for Oz too well to believe him in a role as a total pom? Or just maybe--haha--it's simply that I don't like wine snobbery.

3:10 to Yuma better than I remember. Mr. Crowe, that's a good look for you.

The two Ron Howard films. Oh, A Beautiful Mind is right on. And that should have been the Oscar winner in my view for you, Russell. If for nothing else than the body language. You became John Nash Jr. so much that I forgot it was you, and that's it. Something about the hand movements. And then, Ron, what happened in Cinderella Man? I'm going to blame the fact that you strayed from your tried-and-true formula and went with Thomas Newman for the score. I felt like I was strapped in Shawshank. On the other hand, a cutesy score might have made me literally throw up during Renee's impassioned final speech to hubby before he goes out for the Baer fight--instead of just making me nauseous. Crowe, you were great as always, though Mr. Paul Giamatti stole many of the scenes.

Robin Hood was just fine. People can just calm the heck down. I do agree that it would have been better if it had been R-rated, but then kids couldn't see it, and that would be no good. You seem to be really enthused about the movie if your tweets don't lie, which is good. Kudos on the attempts by Russell and other cast members to have NORTHERN English accents- a stab at authenticity, fantastic! And it made miss York all the more. Way to go walking out on that BBC tool who was going off on you having "Irish" accent, Mr. Crowe. That was top form!

i swear

2010-05-18T10:44:00.000-05:00

I'm still here. Lots to say but no time in which to say it. In short: Life in Chicago good, but needs to warm up seeing as it's the middle of May. UW needs to sort out my student loans for next year (ach i can feel my butt muscles clenching already). Oh, and working part-time is fun!

A Great Man

2010-01-08T08:44:00.000-06:00

Peter J. Schuck

May 16, 1920 - January 7, 2010

From Random

why would one be a teacher?

2009-12-22T17:22:00.001-06:00

I could have become a preacher

To save a world that sucks

Instead I became a teacher

To make those big big bucks

Everybody Loves Rømmegrøt

2009-12-10T16:54:00.000-06:00

I made Rømmegrøt, a traditional Norwegian Christmas treat, for a Holiday food contest today at work. It didn't quite win the contest (Californians were scared away by the dish of melted butter), but it still killed. So I thought I would share the recipe:

From Random

Ingredients:

1 qt. milk
1 c. half & half
1 c. butter
3/4 c. flour
1/2 c. granulated white sugar

Topping:
1 c. butter, melted
cinnamon
sugar

1) Heat milk and half & half; do not scorch, set aside (I kind of wait until it's rather warm and just starting to get that "cooking milk" smell/taste

2) In large, preferably heavier pan, melt 1 cup butter and add flour. Cook about 5 minutes, stirring constantly.

3) Pour in milk, stirring frequently until mixture bubbles and thickens.

4) Stir in sugar.

5) To serve, top with melted butter, cinnamon, and sugar.

NOTE: Rømmegrot can be frozen for longer storage. It can also be kept warn and served from a crock pot on "low"

Too good to resist

2009-11-06T14:35:00.001-06:00

Because it's PROPER English...just really, really stilted!

From Random

Some Good Lyrics

2009-10-12T17:05:00.000-05:00

'Mid pleasures and palaces though we may roam,
Be it ever so humble, there's no place like home.
A charm from the skies seems to hallow us there,
Which, seek through the world, is ne'er met with elsewhere.

I miss you

2009-10-07T15:53:00.000-05:00

From Random

Just in time....

2009-09-18T13:50:00.001-05:00

on my cheek. a zit, zit, zit zit, ZIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the likes of which I have not had in years.

thanks a lot, hormones. Y'all are a peach.

Knedlcki 2009

2009-09-13T23:14:00.000-05:00

I made knedlcki (traditionl Slovenian plum dumplings) yesterday, after the long-anticipated arrival of Italian prune plums at Whole Foods. My mom and staramama ("grandma" to those of you non-Slovenian-speakers) always made these every late summer, when the Italian prune plums came into season. My brothers and I looked forward to them every year.

Now I am happy to share my staramama's recipe with you. These are not easy to make by any means, and it has definitely taken me several tries, but if you stick with it and keep a sense of humor, you'll be enjoying these savory-sweet treats in no time!

Ingredients:

From Knedlcki 2009

*about 2 lbs. Italian prune plums (no other kind will work--trust me on this one. They are only available in late August thorugh September. If you absolutely can't get them, your only other option is extra-small apricots)
*4 good-sized red potatoes
*2 c. breadcrumbs
*1 stick butter
*1 1/2 c. flour (plus plenty extra for dough-kneading and rolling)
*sour cream
*1 egg
*sugar cubes
*salt

Items needed:

From Knedlcki 2009

*measuring cups
*ricer (I don't have one, so I used a masher and a fork)
*measuing spoons
*rolling pin (I don't have one of these either, so I used a tall glass)
*large pot
*glass baking dish

1) Put on a fun movie to have on in the background; you'll be busy for a while.

From Knedlcki 2009

2) Peel and wash potatoes, and cut into 1/4ths

From Knedlcki 2009

3) Cook until soft (approx. 30 mins).

From Knedlcki 2009

4) While waiting for the potatoes to cook, you can wash and pit some plums. Make sure that when you cut the plums, you leave the two halves attached, like a hinge. Discard pits.

From Knedlcki 2009

5) Drain, allow pot to sit on low flame until dry (1-2 mins)

6) Press potatoes through ricer. (If you do not have a ricer, use a masher first, and then a fork until the potatoes are smooth and not lumpy. See the pictures below)

From Knedlcki 2009

7) Add 1 tsp. butter to potatoes, let cool.

8) When cool, add beaten egg, one heaping tsp. sour cream, 1 1/2 c. flour. Mix well.

9) Place dough on floured board and knead for 2 minutes. Use flour as needed to prevent stickiness.

10) Wash, pit & dry rest of the plums. Place one sugar cube in each.

11) Set large pot to boil, adding 1 tsp. salt for each gallon.

12) Roll dough to 1/2 - 1/2" thick, cut into squares. Put one plum in each, seal. (**note: this is by far the most difficult and frustrating part of the process. Just be patient and don't be afraid to use lots of flour)

From Knedlcki 2009

13) Add dumplings to boiling water--use two pots if necessary OR take turns; dumplings must not be crowded.

From Knedlcki 2009

14) Cook 10 minutes or until dumplings rise to the surface. Leave at the top for 5 minutes.

From Knedlcki 2009

15) Preheat over to 350.

16) While dumplings are cooking, make droptinice (fried bread crumbs): melt 1/2 stick butter over low heat, sautee 1/3 c. breadcrumbs (more or less as desired). Spread in glass pan, this:

From Knedlcki 2009

17) Drain dumplings when done, roll in pan until they are covered with droptinice.

18) Bake for 30 minutes in preheated oven.

From Knedlcki 2009

19) Take a wee break; you're probably exhausted by now. Clean up a little, and, if you get a chance...

From Knedlcki 2009

20) Take out when done, and let cool a little.

From Knedlcki 2009

21) Sprinkle with a little sugar and ENJOY!!!

From Knedlcki 2009

Nor Cal Trip

2009-09-09T16:40:00.001-05:00

I have so much fun every time I go up there. It could be said that this particular time, maybe I had a little too much fun?

Ways in which I had too much fun:

1) Flirted with a tow truck driver (well that's giving myself too much credit. But I complimented his truck, and he was a nice guy) and didn't get charged to get my ripped-to-shreds wheel well plastic cut neatly off.

2) Spent *achem* $250 at Nordstrom Rack

3) Watched my friend finally join the "PEN 15 Club" at age 25

4) Spent the better part of two hours flipping sequins on a new pair of shoes

5) Sang Jim Croce songs with Matt in his car--hooray for the Greatest Hits album

6) Sang at the Mission Church, and got to hear friends do some great string playing.

7) Played Flip Cup (was one-for-one 4x in a row, yo!) at a Labor Day BBQ

8) Had a lot to drink and made the beginner's error of not drinking water or eating enough dinner

9) As a result, had possibly the #1 worst hangover of my life the next day (I didn't drink THAT much, though! I'm getting old, you see...)

10) Contracted pinkeye and drove home with one eye basically AWOL.

Ah, but....it was such a good time.

Now, back to grind of grad school apps and other such nonsense. Work and such...

Corrction--

2009-08-28T14:17:00.001-05:00

the song that I described in my last entry as "a bastardized version of 'Battle Hymn of the Republic'" is actually a real song entitled "Battle Cry of Freedom."

Wow. Titles aren't similar at all, and the melodies are half the same. Heh heh...

"The people are nice, and shit is FREE!"

2009-08-26T12:51:00.000-05:00

Yesterday i decided i wanted to watch the Ken Burns's The Civil War and was griping all the way home about having to pay to rent 9 DVDs or buy the series, until I remembered that in the USA we have a institution known as the PUBLIC LIBRARY....it was, like, a revelation.

Despite the fact that they somehow managed to drop my account (which I only had had for about 6 months, if that) they were still nice.

I got through Vol. 1 and 3 as you can only check out three at a time and vol. 2 was broken (it was a VHS tape and despite my MacGyver skillz I was not able to coax the thing into winding properly, so I missed out on "Fredricksburg to Meridian"--but everyone knows the good stuff didn't start happening until 1862 anyway).

A few observations: maybe it's just because I'm a musician, but I found the b/g music distracting this time around. And it's basically the same three or four songs over and over--that Ashokan Farewell that everyone loves so much, that weird bastardization of "Battle Hymn of the Republic" played on the piano, and some form of "Dixie", fast or slow depending on the subject matter. And I can't help thinking it's really cliche to play those "traditional black chorus" spirituals every time they talk about slavery. Once in a while they throw in some song in a minor key if they are showing pictures of dead and wounded.

I also found myself talking to the screen, like the "black people at the movies" stereotype. That General McClellan, what a puissified idiot. If he had had more guts the war could have been over three years early.

I am looking forward to renting volumes 4-6 today, and engaging in more of these wholesome activities.

And somewhere in there managing to do more work on grad school apps and my personal statements.

P.S. Also started learning the tin whistle last night, the one Dad and Franz brought me back from Colonial Williamsburg. Pretty neat only really soft instrument, and it tired my hands and lips out after about 30 minutes. At the end of a 45-minute session I knew all the notes and could find them semi-fast, so I have been able to manage slow songs such as "Home Sweet Home", "I Dream of Jeannie," "Battle Hymn of the Republic" (well, I had been watching a movie about the Civial War, after all), and faster songs like "Dixie" and "Carlen Is Your Daughter Ready" ast a slow tempo. Good times.

this is not a negative post :-)

2009-08-10T12:16:00.000-05:00

Things are bad but good always comes out of it....my grandma had a health scare on Saturday that brought her to the emergency room....but family has rallied, as they always do, and it seems for the time being that she is OK. This has also now forced her to get outside help for herself and Grandpa. She didn't want to before, and now she has no choice. So this is good.

ANYWAY....I was going to go on a rant about why things cost money, but what's the point of that?--Things cost money, that's life, I guess. Though I'll admit I'm trying to dodge getting a haircut, even though I need one.

I can't wait to go to Seattle this weekend; I love going to new places. I can't wait to see my friends next week, and a couple of weeks after that. And most of all...I can't wait to be HOME AGAIN. Be able to take the train and bus instead of car, so I can feel the icy wind rip my body to shreds (I'll be returning in February--brutal!), have coffee over Watertower Place, have an O'Malley's hot dog, see snow, see clouds, see sleet. And drive in it. See winter, spring, summer and fall. Hear those delightful accents. Get mine back (OK, maybe not so much).

I dunno. I was just thinking about that as I sit wondering why a certain person decided to kick me in the ankle this morning. God, if only I could sue.

Then I could get that haircut before this weekend, at the very least.

The irony is not lost on me...

2009-08-06T10:44:00.000-05:00

My grandpa's cancer is back. I know that this should not be hitting me as hard as it apparently is; I mean he's 89 years old, he's been ill for quite some time, and, really we just know that his time for rest is drawing near.

Maybe that's not the part that bothers me. What bothers me is more of a selfish thing--that I have for months, maybe a year, been churning inside about returning to the Midwest, to be closer to my loved ones. Now I finally make the big decision to do it, and now it's a race against the clock. I don't have all the time I thought I did.

I'm here in LA and I feel powerless. I may not make it back in time.

I am homesick, yes, but I was willing to wait it out. After all, I have $800 worth of grad school applications to complete, and a lease until February. But now, with Grandpa's situation having changed so dramatically, seemingly overnight (they took his driving privileges away. When I saw him a month ago, he was driving wonderfully. He just bought a new Mercedes. This hurts)...well, now I don't feel so confident about waiting.

I feel like I've let everyone down.

Grad School Adventure Part II

2009-08-05T12:26:00.000-05:00

	School
1	Northwestern University
2	Indiana University
3	Purdue University
4	University of Minnesota
5	University of Chicago
6	University of Illinois - Urbana
7	University of Wisconsin
8	University of Illinois - Chicago
9	Ball State University
10	University of North Dakota

Grad School Adventure Part I

2009-07-31T17:30:00.000-05:00

So far I've:

Narrowed down schools
Begun rough work on personal statement
Asked for letters of recommendation, will get :-)

Still to do:

Really write the personal statements
Look into scholarships/financial aid
Do the apps!
Ask for a couple more letters

I'm a dork like this.

2009-07-21T18:13:00.001-05:00

From Random

back from lake

2009-07-13T09:05:00.000-05:00

i arrived back from the lake this morning in the wee small hours.

i feel more terrible than i can express.

i want to go HOME, which isn't here.

you know it's much when your homesickness PHYSICALLY hurts.

i'll be back when i have more pleasant things to say.

Yeah, I feel loved.

2009-06-12T16:56:00.000-05:00

Red arrow proves this is my email inbox.

From Random

America vs Canada

2009-06-12T14:32:00.000-05:00

Now I'm born and raised in Chicago, I love the USA and I know all the words to the South Park movie songs, but idiocy is funny from any source.

Sadly I had to shrink the pic...it cut off on the right margin at full size :-( if anyone knows how to fix this issue please tell me...in the meantime, just click to enlarge.

From Random

this just made me laugh...

2009-05-15T15:44:00.001-05:00

answer to the Yahoo! Answers posted question "what do bee stings feel like?"

THE STINGS OF MOST BEES OR WASPS IS NORMALLY NOT THAT PAINFUL AND RANGES FROM A PINCH TO A LOCALIZED STINGING.SPIDERS ON THE OTHER HAND HAVE A HUGE RANGE OF PAIN FROM SLIGHT DISCOMFORT LIKE ITCHING TO EXTREME PAIN AND AGONY.IT IS A GOOD IDEA TO STAY AWAY FROM ANYTHING WITH WAY TOO MANY EYES.

hmm....define "way too many". Is five eyes still "safe"?

Mateja in the Movies (yes)

2009-05-11T11:08:00.000-05:00

Two years ago, mere DAYS after returning from England in fact, I found a temp summer job. Very temp. I was an extra in the film The Express for two days. My friend Kurt and I showed up at the Northwestern football stadium at 4am, me on NO sleep as I had to have my hair in curlers all night. And we sat in the stadium bleachers and pretended to cheer or boo (and read books and watched episodes of The Office on Kurt's cleverly-disguised iPod) while Dennis Quaid and Rob Brown did their thing on the football field.

The movie came out this past October, and I didn't bother to watch it in theaters or rent it right after it came out on DVD. Basically I forgot all about it. Until last night, when I got a call from my brother and Kurt, screaming that WE WERE IN THE MOVIE. They were laughing themselves to death.

I found out exactly why a few minutes later, when I popped the film in for myself (yes, I did run to the video store and rent it immediately).

For anyone who's interested in seeing me and Kurt (sort of), I'm in the Cotton Bowl scene/chapter. I'm wearing a red sweater and can been seen up close & slightly blurry a couple of times, and far away & clearly a couple of times. (Sorry, I'm not a cameraman so I have no idea how to describe it other than that). You can see me really briefly in the first half (I'm near the scoreboard, halfway out of frame, but I'm clapping frantically and I pump my fist) and then more obviously right after Ernie scores the touchdown. I am in a shot of the Texas crowd, booing and a-looking pissed off. I stand up with my hand over my mouth. Then a little after that you can see me and Kurt cheering at the top of the stands (on the right, directly below the scoreboard). I'm sitting, but Kurt is standing pumping his fists SLOWLY in the air. It is funny as all hell.

So, friends, that is my foray into Hollywood. And I keep thinking that for some of those shots if I'd only been ONE ROW closer, I would have deserved to be in the credits.

Ha.

Happy Monday, all.

St. Louis (stay tuned for pics)

2009-04-21T15:01:00.000-05:00

Enjoyed a lovely Eastertime in St. Louis with Dad and Franz. Ate crawfish etoufee, met and re-met Dad's old SLU buddies (including liturgical music celeb John Foley, S.J.), saw the botanical gardens,, the famed and over 200 year-old Soulard Market...oh, and saw SINBAD; he was my flight home. I almost whacked him in the face with my duffel bag while boarding, in fact.

Stay tuned for more details and pics....

I am accredited

2009-03-30T12:24:00.000-05:00

From Random

this guy

2009-03-25T11:24:00.000-05:00

I love this guy as an actor and wanted to know what he looked like in his younger days--cause I don't think I have seen any movie of him made before 1994 or so (whenever Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves was--which by the way is still my fave role of his: "Because it's dull, you twit, it'll hurt more!" ahh, priceless)

ANYWAY, here is a pic of Mr. Alan Rickman from some years ago...can we say SMOKIN'?

From alan rickman

.....by the way, it may be noted that the main reason I was interested in seeing the Sweeney Todd film was to hear him sing.

i knew it.

2009-03-16T16:07:00.000-05:00

I'm
a Ravenclaw!

mimi-vacay end

2009-03-09T15:25:00.000-05:00

My brother left this morning, after spending his spring break here in LA with me. I miss him so much my heart feels like it's being pulled apart, even though we got into arguments and disagreements while he was here. I suppose we always will do that, we're just different in very key ways. But I think he knows how much I care for him and worry about him and will always have my back. And I know that he always has my best interests at heart, even though he shows it in very different ways.

I wish I was his age again, when my only real care in the world was getting my homework done and getting good grades, and hanging out with my friends. Somewhere along the way that all came to a screeching halt, and now what plagues my mind is the constant fear of the future, and worry about my family.

.....This week has been filled with craziness, both great and not-so-great. All this energy, drinking, money spent, fights, hugs, laughing, crying, has exhausted me.

This morning I sat on the couch with Al and just watched some episodes of Family Guy. We laughed together and it felt like home.

I didn't want to let go of Al today when I hugged him at the airport.

I'm such an old sap.

your love keeps liftin' me...

2009-02-19T17:29:00.000-06:00

I left that last blog half-done on purpose. A month ago I was so angry I just had to step away, and I told myself I'd finish when the smoke cleared.

Well it's been a month. And after much stress, several hundred cups of coffee, even more alcoholic drinks and enough anger to power NYC for a week, the smoke seems to have finally cleared away (knock on wood).

This is my new home (pics are generally of the living room and master BR, for which we succeeded in finding an awesome occupant)

From apt pics

And then, only a few days after moving in, I was off with Linus to Toronto to see my aunts and my Staramama. What a wonderful dose of love and family that was. I can't think about it without having tears in my eyes.

It was hard in some ways, having not been back in so long, and being that the last time I was there was with my WHOLE family--Christmas 2005. It was weird too in that I was seeing all these people for the first time since July or August 2007, when we were all congregated in Chicago for my Mom's illness and, finally, her funeral. And I was there of my own volition because I wanted to see them, not because I was being made to by someone.

And I was tour guiding, which always brings back a lot of hazy memories. As a result many of my touring requests to Teta Mary (that's "Aunt Mary" to those non-Slovenians among you) went something like this: "Remember that place, with all the green lights, where we used to get kitchen supplies, and there would be a band playing...?" etc.

Anyway, we did all the things I used to love doing in Toronto. We went to Kingsway Fish & Chips (twice, in fact), Le Marché (it's called Richtree now), Niagara Falls and Niagara-on-the-Lake, Eaton Centre, Chinatown, we rode the streetcar and the subway (and witnessed a drug deal!), ate at Mandarin, and did the most important thing of all: talked, ate, and played games with my family and friends.

It was in some ways weird and tough being there, but it was even tougher to leave. Everyone kept saying how wonderful it was to see me, and how wonderful of me to come. All I kept thinking was how could I not, and why did it take so long for me to come? If only it wasn't so far/expensive/time consuming. To think I used to come to Toronto several times a year!

Staramama got tears in her eyes a lot. I know she was thinking about my mom. I caught myself staring at Teta Cveti once, because she looks so much like her. I was straining to see the parts that looked like Mom, because then it would be like she was with us.

I was so enveloped/showered/downpoured with love, affection, appreciation and thanks that I'm a little off of my "game" two days later here in LA.

But I'm happy I went. I miss family all over again.

Now that I'm back, my tasks are to learn this solo piece for an audition next week for the COMPOSER, ANDREA MORRICONE (yes you read right, Ennio's kid); perform "Summertime" for a recital this Sunday (supposedly. I have not heard anything from the person who is in charge); continue unpacking; try to find time to "bond" with new roommate whom I don't know that well and would like to (just cause, you know, we do have to live together); and prepare for Al's visit on the 27th (CAN'T WAIT).

I hope this was enough blog updates for now. I hope to post more pics soon, but that all depends on when i can get pics to a Kinko's or uploaded using someone else's camera. Which reminds me, I must find the receipt for that camera so I can send it to Canon for repairs. It broke in Toronto

lowest

2009-01-16T16:14:00.000-06:00

I spoke too soon in my last post. Tuesday night at about 10pm, I received a huge blow to my solar plexus, and three days later I'm still struggling to catch my breath.

Am I over-dramatizing the situation? Perhaps. But this is how I feel about it, and I can't help it. The worst part of it all is that I set myself up to get screwed like this...I guess I just trusted where I shouldn't have.

Basically, my fabulous roommate Nicole and I are getting booted out of our apartment February 13. This is because we are subleasing with another roommate, Shaena (to whom we wrote our rent checks. Yeah. Hence the current self-loathing), who has decided to give her 30 days' notice IN THE MIDDLE OF JANUARY. Nevermind that I am miffed that she couldn't at least have given a preliminary warning so that

down again

2009-01-13T14:28:00.001-06:00

Mood is down again today. It was pretty "up" yesterday.

I don't know what's the matter with me.

Today = struggle.

back again

2009-01-12T10:05:00.000-06:00

I've been on hiatus for a few weeks, enjoying a wonderful, beautiful, dare I say magical trip to Fargo with my family. Spent time with loved ones, enjoyed conversations with my dad, brothers, grandparents, cousins. It's been hard for me to come back. After a pretty deep talk with my dad, and another with my mom's older sister, and also a good friend from back home, I have opened up my mind to the fact that I'm really very very blessed in life. Not everyone is so fortunate as I to have such a caring and loving family life. Sure, we're not perfect, and we've had our fair share of problems, sadness and tragedies....nevertheless, I know I'm blessed. These thoughts have helped me get past the sadness, longing and homesickness I've felt so deeply in the past week.

I'm going to post the lyrics to the song "Wanting Memories" by Ysaye Barnwell below. This is a song I performed all the time during my years in the Chicago Children's Choir, and it always makes me take a pause, and reflect on my life, and reminds me that I'm not alone in my struggles to remember the good things in life. Ysaye wrote this on the death of her father. The song is very pretty too....I'm sure you can search it on YouTube.

I am sitting here wanting memories to teach me
to see the beauty in the world through my own eyes.
I am sitting here wanting memories to teach me
To see the beauty in the world through my own eyes.

You said you'd rock me in the cradle of your arms.
You said you'd hold me ‘til the storms of life were gone.
You said you'd comfort me in times like these and now I need you.
Now I need you...
And you are -
gone.

So, I am sitting here wanting memories to teach me
to see the beauty in the world through my own eyes.
Since you've gone and left me, there's been so little beauty,
but I know I saw it clearly through your eyes.
Now the world outside is such a cold and bitter place.
Here inside I have few things that will console.
And when I try to hear your voice above the storms of life,
then i remember all the things that I was told.

Well, I am sitting here wanting memories to teach me
to see the beauty in the world through my own eyes.
Yes, I am sitting here wanting memories to teach me
To see the beauty in the world through my own eyes.
I think on the things that made me feel so wonderful when I was young.
I think on the things that made me laugh , made me dance, made me sing.
I think on the things that made me grow into a being full of pride.
I think on these things, for they are true.

I am sitting here wanting memories to teach me
to see the beauty in the world through my own eyes.
I thought that you were gone, but now I know you're with me.
You are the voice that whispers all I need to hear.
I know a "Please", a "Thank you", and a smile will take me far.
I know that I am you and you are me, and we are one.
I know that who I am is numbered in each grain of sand.
I know that I am blessed,
again, and again, and again, and again,
and, again.

I am sitting here wanting memories to teach me
to see the beauty in the world through my own eyes.
I am sitting here wanting memories to teach me
To see the beauty in the world through my own eyes.

accuweather.com haiku/prayer

2008-12-17T18:03:00.000-06:00

Oh Accuweather
I will now be stalking you
Hawklike, 'til next week

Three storms predicted
Each riddled with ice and snow
And bitter windchills

Oh Accuweather
Smile kindly upon me, friend
I always trust you

Display no colors
Indicating flight delays
For the next six days.

time goes by so slowly

2008-12-16T11:29:00.000-06:00

And I suppose plenty has indeed taken place. Chorale holiday concert, got the majority of my cards out....

it's finally chilly here, and a little rainy yesterday.....

but i'm sick of work, I'm so ready to go home for holidays....

Girls and Guitar Center

2008-12-02T14:30:00.001-06:00

So I went into Guitar Center yesterday to pick out a present for my little brother.

No sooner had I set foot in the place than a salesperson was upon me, asking if I need help. Usually I hate this, but in this case I did need some assistance with picking the right item [can't be too specific here--you never know who is reading]. This guy pointed me toward the sales counter, behind which were stacks of what I was looking for.

No sooner had I bent down to get a closer look at the different brands and prices, than another guy practically leaped from the other end of the counter over to where I was. I asked a few questions, he helped me choose what I wanted, and then proceeded to start ringing me up. During this, he was asking me all sorts of questions (the first one, as always, "How you do you pronounce your name?" followed immediately by "What is that--I mean, does it mean something?"). Asked if I played any instruments, and yadda yadda. Was very enthusiastic about the very generous Guitar Center redturn policy, gave me his card (GC makes personalized business cards for all its employees!) and said he can get me online discounts if I call in.

I texted Linus that I had a very good customer service experience in Guitar Center. His response was basically "Well duh.. there was a girl in there!" I was incredulous. I'm sure girls go in there all the time, I insisted. Linus responded that if I had gone in there and asked for a guitar, they would have built me one right there out of wood and string. Bit of an exaggeration, no? There are PLENTY of girl musicians and girl rockers at that. I mean, it's not like I went into GameStop (of course there, nobody comes over to help you because they're all too shy and nerdy).

Anyway, fast forward to yesterday evening when I decided to go and hear a friend/fellow Ferrante teacher's set at a bar near Universal Studios. Linus couldn't make it and I never heard back from the roomie so I went solo. Which was fine except that first thing when I walked in, a creepy-looking dude clapped me on the shoulder and make some kind of remark. I missed England briefly (people go to pubs by themselves all the time there). Then I sat down at my friend's table so I could avoid further accosting.

They were about to play so I introduced myself to the other guy sitting at the table. He said he knew my friend from working with him at Guitar Center. Naturally I said something like, "Oh, I was just there today! Everyone was so awesome to me" or something. His response: "Well, girls never come in there." Well, my jaw must have dropped a little. I told him that he was the second person to say that to me today. I repeated Linus's comment to him and he said, "Yep, that's pretty much true." He says when girls come in, they're always with their boyfriends who are buying stuff.

Well, that's my little anecdote for the day.

Oh--and when I left the bar that night (I was on the phone so maybe the guy thought I couldn't hear), I heard the bouncer (also on his phone) say, "the one cute girl in the place just left."

my new obsession

2008-11-25T13:07:00.001-06:00

I. LOVE. PLAYING. THE. DRUMS.

If only a digital set wasn't so expensive!! If only I could buy a REAL set!!

part II and III

2008-11-25T13:00:00.000-06:00

I guess I never got around to updating, but that Saturday I went to see Role Models with my roommate (pretty funny), and found a $20 on the ground.

Sunday was Dan and Kelly's baby shower. Food and drinks were had, games played. I won the diaper raffle (prizes were a $5 Starbucks gift card and an egg spatula).

Also saw Changeling. Whoa....

Weekend Update Part I: Motley Crue Concert

2008-11-17T17:56:00.000-06:00

I don't blog about "what I did" that often anymore (not that I shouldn't; don't you know the life I lead is amazing and adventurous?) but this weekend calls for it because boy was it packed with fun.

Friday

It was a sad day at work, and I hate talking about work, so let's skip on to the Motley concert. I drove to Hollywood straight from work and when I discovered I'd be way early, I stopped off at In-N-Out (shoulda gotten in line...). I found FREE PARKING a couple of blocks from the Palladium and still had time to kill so went into a Rite-Aid across the street. In the Rite-Aid entryway, in plain view of everyone, was a kid pouring out Coke from a 20 oz. bottle and pouring in some cheap rum. Brilliant idea, says I. I mean, I have to drive home so I can't drink later in the evening, and who wants to lose their place in the crowd AND pay $12 for well drinks in the theater anyway. And of course you CAN'T be sober at a Motley Concert. (Although by the time the concert was on their last songs I was) So I go inside the store and head to the liquor. Well. Apparently everyone else had the same idea, so all the smaller bottles of rum were gone. I had to get a bigger one--luckily it was on sale for $11.99.
Then I had to stand in a long line of people so dressed up you'd think it was Halloween, while I contemplated what to do with my big bottle of cheap rum and 20oz bottle of diet Coke.

I didn't have the guts to do the mixin' right there in front of the store like the dude I'd seen, so I thought I'd walk around the block to a residential area, find a semi-secluded spot and take care of business there (yes...joke). Then my plan was to walk back to my car and drop off the bottle of rum. Well...long story short the block was HUGE, it took forever to find someplace where people weren't walking their dogs, so by the time I did I was too tired and very impatient to get in line. So once I mixed my very classy plastic bottle of diet Coke with Bacardi, I just LEFT the mostly-full rum bottle there near some trees. I figured someone would appreciate the gift, this being Hollywood.

That's probably the shadiest thing I've ever done.

I get in line about 6:45, right in front of some people I'd seen over in Rite-Aid. We chill for a while and then are informed we're in the Will Call line--oops. We already had our tickets. So we have to schlep ourselves all the way to the end of a looooong line (around the block), passing all sorts of Nikki Sixx and Vince Neil lookalikes. We waited in line for over an hour. I got to know the two couples who had been shopping next to me in Rite-Aid and were now next to me in line. They were pretty cool and we were getting a little tipsy, trading Motley facts, reminiscing about past concerts, people watching. Two of the people, a brother (Robert) and sister (Diana), said I could kick it with then for the eve (their words...I don't say "kick it"). That sounded like fun, plus the brother was a big guy and would be able to help get us a good spot near the front.

We got inside and immediately got drinks so that we could be free to get a good spot for the show--my rum and Coke had long been consumed. We basically just stood around and waited for an hour. People spotted Nikki, Tommy and Pamela Anderson in one of the balconies, much screaming and cheering ensued. The Palladium is a small theater so the balconies were low and not deep--everyone could see the VIPs. I always had heard Motley were "of the people" and they certainly were that night.

But oh....nobody told us about the two bands that played a few songs before Motley came on. I felt bad for them because the crowd all but booed--and they were really good bands! But they'd had no publicity and everyone just wanted Motley to come out. There were a few belligerents during this time, including an older guy who accused my of sucker punching him (I didn't--I did elbow him really hard though and Robert complimented me) and a lady who was there with her mother who decided to yell something at everyone who tried to invade her "space". There is no such this as personal space at a rock concert.

FINALLY, at 10:50pm (doors were at 8) and a trip to the bathroom later, Motley came onstage. They opened with Kickstart My Heart of course, which revved everyone up immediately. They played through all the hits and the two singles from their new album (Saints of Los Angeles and Motherfucker of the Year). Vince sounded OK, crowd did a lot of the work for him. Which was alright, really. And it wasn't too loud so I didn't need the earplugs I'd spent $5 on the day before.

Only criticism: for most of the time I saw NOTHING except the top of the sets and the ceiling of the theater. And I was close to the stage! The problem is that the house floor of the Palladium DOESN'T SLOPE. What the hell is up with that?? And they just finished a huge renovation. So I only really saw Vince's head, and the other bandmates' heads when they came all the way downstage. Never saw Tommy play drums--only when he came up front to talk, and then on the screen playing keyboard on Home Sweet Home.

But it was great anyway. By the end I'd gotten within 10 feet of the stage so my view was a little better. The band played through all the favorites, Same Old Situation, Primal Scream (which Nikki introduced), Live Wire, Don't Go Away Mad, Girls Girls Girls, etc. Mick had a sick solo at one point. They ended with Dr. Feelgood--my favorite I think--but of course that wasn't the real end. After a few minutes of dark, Tommy lit up on the screen and the opening chords of Home Sweet Home began. Vince was handing the mike to people in the audience....it was great. And for the last "ooooos" he just stood still center stage, and raised up his hands for everyone to join in, like it was a prayer or something.

Great concert.

Over 6 hours of standing.

They played Frank Sinatra's "My Way" as exit music (piped in).

I had lost Robert and Diana somewhere during Girls Girls Girls, and I was too tired and in pain to care so I just made my escape. I think that's part of the whole concert experience and very "Motley."

So there was my first and hopefully not last "big name" rock concert experience. I had such a blast. Go Motley, 27 years strong.

P.S. I walked back to see if my bottle of rum was still where I'd left it. It wasn't.

monday blues

2008-11-10T14:00:00.000-06:00

i guess the monday blues is at it again.

this week the company bigwigs are in town (I'm at work right now) and they are handing out the pink slips like they are going out of business (no pun intended). i've been old that I'm "OK", however accurate that is, but that apparently our department still "might be affected." I'm afraid to think about what that means especially with the holidays coming up etc.

I should not even care. I should be happy to take the severance should I get fired.

I'm in such an awkward position because our dept can't afford to lose any more people. And I want to quit. Great. Though I don't know how smart quitting is these days.

I am trying to stop reading certain blogs today. Most of the time these blogs really cheer me up,; I love reading the insights that some of these people have, and about their lives, and seeing the pictures etc. But today I just feel beaten down, worthless, the whole shebang.

These people have houses, nice cars, spouses who make shitloads of money. And they are only a couple of years older than me!

I know comparisons suck. And I'm not saying I need a husband or I need money or Hawaii vacations to be happy. I'm just saying I feel a little defeated right now. Deflated. Directionless. Confused. Sad. Angry. Anxious.

...you know. All of those things.

TODAY

2008-11-05T11:22:00.001-06:00

Last night, history was made.

Today, out there is a new world.

I can't stop grinning.

OBAMA.

All cancers should be created equal?

2008-10-29T14:02:00.000-05:00

I was just thinking about something today since it's Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I was happy to find a message board that echoed my maybe-not-completely-politically-correct thoughts and feelings--whatever, I don't care. Read on. Having those pink ribbons shoved down my throat everywhere I look this month makes me feel a combination of gladness, jealousy, and anger. My comments/reactions are in bold.

I guess I'm not the only one who is suffering from compassion fatigue about breast cancer. YES, we are all aware of breast cancer now. I wish I had breast cancer instead of the rare terminal cancer that I suffer from. There are no foundations for bile duct cancer. No support groups. No pink ribbons. No 5K walks to raise money. No "buy pink" products.
I like the American Cancer Society because they support the fight against ALL types of cancer and don't discriminate in favor of one or another. I'm sorry for every one who has to fight cancer of any kind.

My wife has head and neck cancer that is now in her lungs and we have been fighting it for almost 9 years alone. There is no one out beating a drum to help her. All you ever hear about is breast cancer this and breast cancer that. Even in the oncology clinic its all the reading material is about breast or prostate cancer. People either are insensitive to you or don't know what to say at all...I wish that all these celebrities would band have shows about cancer in general instead of just jumping on the band wagon of breast cancer.

I mean absolutely no disrespect to those with Breast Cancer; but, I am a woman in my 40's who was diagnosed in July 2007 with Rectal Cancer and from day one I have not been able to understand why Breast Cancer gets sooo much more attention. [well it's because it's more common...] ALL Cancers are horrible and everyone who is diagnosed with whatever type of cancer is terrified and forced to face their own mortality. All loved ones, co-workers, family, friends, etc., react the same to every type of cancer. In short, if we are talking emotional affects, all cancers need to be treated as one.

I am a cancer survivor - Uterine cancer. Why is every article that addresses cancer in women geared toward breast cancer. Mine was just as emotional and devastating.

I do agree breast gets all the attention,but hey if it gets people to see Cancer is out there and brings in funding I guess we should just hope it filters down to the rest of us! Yeah, maybe they can do a percentage thing, like if 30% of people have prostate cancer then they can have 30% of the funding. Wait....

I realize this all probably sounds pissy and whiny of me. I don't really care right now. I recognize, of course, that a lot more people have breast cancer than fibrosacroma. So of course it's going to get more money, and more attention. I guess just seeing all of those pink ribbons and balloons at the grocery store, and those Yoplait yogurt lids makes me think about what would have happened to Mommy if she'd only had a cancer that got that much funding for research. It seems like with breast cancer there;s always some experimental new thing that can be tried. After mom had her bouts with the usual radiation and chemo, that was it. No new options. Just a slow gradation of painkillers from Tylenol to methadone.

I donate for cancer every time I'm asked. But I donate less to breast because a ton more people are giving for that because it's so widely publicized. Readers out there, don't hate me for this...I just think it's only fair.

Halloween and other things

2008-10-28T14:21:00.000-05:00

I'm looking forward to Halloween this year, because last year I didn't dress up or do anything. I've been feeling down the last few weeks (last week was better, this week even better, hope things stay on the upswing for a while) so I need some things to feel good about. Recitals went very well this past Saturday. I am very proud of my students (and myself)!

My Halloween costume is making me nervous and excited. I am going as Kat Von D from LA Ink. I have all of the supplies I need: big belt, "fake tattoo" shirt, huge earrings and huge sunglasses. I also got bright red lipstick and dark black eyeliner, and..a can of that "spray-on" hair dye.

...Yeah let's stop for a minute and discuss this hair dye. Saturday night I sprayed a little bit on a small chunk of hair. This was in the bathroom. I touched my finger to the hair. Finger had a small amount of black dye on it. I touched my finger to the counter area. There was a little bit of black. I reached for some toilet paper to wipe it away, wetting it first.

.......the black dye ended up EVERYWHERE in the bathroom. All over in and around the sink, or my toiletry stuff, my contact lens case, ALL over the floor....it was disgusting. And the stuff on my hair also smudged my face. All from this little tiny bit, I am not kidding. It somehow took on a life of its own and through some sort of sick cellular mitosis invaded my bathroom. As the black mess grew I went from pieces of toilet paper to paper towels to a kitchen sponge....it took about 20 minutes to contain this mutant life form.

I'm looking forward to Disneyland on Friday....

I'm freaking out right now. Because I've had a bunch of coffee and when I have that much coffee, I get anxious. And well....I'm anxious because I'm thinking of not going to rehearsal today. Now we get three absences (a LOT) per quarter, I have not used any yet, I have attended every rehearsal so far--six or seven--there are only six or seven "regular time" rehearsals left--but I keep thinking, what if I'm too tired NEXT week? I can't miss two weeks in a row!! AAAUUUUGH. I'm a freak, man.

oh. my. god.

2008-10-22T14:05:00.000-05:00

Dear Mateja Schuck,

Thank you for purchasing your 1 ticket(s) from Live Nation Tickets.

This email serves as your receipt.

Your method of delivery is: Regular Mail

ORDER: 18493645

Your ticket(s) are for an event at the following venue(s): Hollywood Palladium - Hollywood, CA

You have been charged for the following:

Serial # 1939181565 -----Section GA6 ----- Row GA1----- Seat 300---- Price $86.50 Conv. Fee ---- $14.75 Date---- November 14, 2008 ---- Performance Mötley Crüe

Delivery Fee: $0.00
Order Fee: $5.15
Total Ticket Price: $106.40

The ABCs of Mateja

2008-10-15T17:43:00.000-05:00

THE ABCs OF MATEJA

A - ADVOCATE FOR: Good grammar

B - BEST FEATURE: My ability to listen

C - COULD DO WITHOUT: My lazy left eye, body hair, and the self-doubt

D - DREAMS & DESIRES: To live a good life -- to be important to others in a George Bailey way -- to meet Nikki Sixx -- to get my butt back to graduate school soon -- to make a difference -- to see Africa

E - ESSENTIAL ITEMS: chapstick, hair tie

F - FAVORITE PASTIME: Reading in a cozy spot, doing costuming projects, learning a new piece of music

G - GOOD AT: Memorizing things, driving directions, sight-singing and sight-reading music, listening, communicating, sentimentality

H - HAVE NEVER TRIED: Therapy (the counselor I saw a few times in college doesn't really count), bungee jumping, skydiving, surfing...

I - IF I HAD A MILLION DOLLARS: Pay off my credit card and car, put some away for a home down payment, and invest. Oh--I'd also "blow" a little and travel to Iceland, Hawaii, Thailand, and all over Africa.

J - JUNKIE FOR: Good 'n' Plentys, Oreos, Fruit Runts, Nerds. I'm seven.

K - KINDRED SPIRIT: More and more, I think my Dad is one. I don't know of anyone else right now who I'd put in that category. Maybe that's why I've been feeling so empty of late...

L - LITTLE KNOWN FACT: I had scarlet fever as a kid. No joke.

M - MEMORABLE MOMENT: Junior year of college when I opened the envelope which contained a letter telling me I had been chosen out of about 300 applicants to be one of 25 2005 Orientation Leaders for Santa Clara University. I screamed, jumped up and down, cried....another was when I was cast in Kiss Me Kate sophomore year of college. Same reaction.

N - NEVER AGAIN WILL I: Waste a travel opportunity.

O - OCCASIONAL INDULGENCE: DVDs.

P - PROFESSION: Music teacher/office assistant

Q - QUOTE: something from Victor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning

R - REASON TO SMILE: Only 45 minutes left here at work.

S - SORRY ABOUT: Not being in school right now. Not being there for my mom more when she was dying.

T - TAG SOME FRIENDS: Huh?

U - UNINTERESTED IN: American Idol, Dancing With the Stars, most TV shows (exceptions are LOST and The Office)

V - VERY SCARED OF: Failure. Fear itself. Something bad happening to a loved one.

W - WORST HABIT: Not finishing things I start. Too quick to apologize/take the blame

X - X MARKS MY IDEAL VACATION SPOT: Star Island, Minnesota

Y - YUMMIEST DESSERT: Cookies 'n' Cream ice cream, moon cake, sorbets, creme brulee....

Z - ZODIAC SIGN: Virgo

WHAT ARE THE ABC’S OF YOU?

yesssss

2008-10-08T15:29:00.000-05:00

I don't think I've done one of these silly things in years....check out the super-intelligent "analysis" that this first quiz creator gives.

Which Mötley Crüe member are you?

You Scored as Nikki Sixx

you are like nikki, vulnerable, with a VERY fucked up childhood, you have a big heart thou
you always never face your inner troubles until its too late

Nikki Sixx

83%

Mick Mars

67%

Vince Neil

50%

Tommy Lee

17%

You Scored as Home Sweet Home....

This one I agree with. This is always the one I play on the plane going back to Chicago or MN....

Home Sweet Home....

100%

Misunderstood....

78%

She Goes Down....

67%

Starry Eyes

67%

Dont Go Away Mad (just go away)

67%

Afraid....

67%

If I Die Tomorrow....

67%

Live Wire

56%

Without You

56%

Girls,Girls,Girls....

33%

Shout At The Devil

33%

Wild Side....

22%

Save Our Souls....

Dr Feelgood

journaling

2008-10-03T14:33:00.001-05:00

I want to get back into journaling. I don't know if blogging can really be considered the same thing because there is something to having a book and pen in hand, and seeing the words in your own handwriting complete with scribbles etc. And you can do it anytime if you take your journal with you.

Blogging always seems more thought-out, since most blogs are put out for everyone to see and are somewhat controlled toward specific subject matter (to be fair, a lot aren't. I like those ones a lot). I like the stream-of-consciousness quality that comes with journaling, and the freedom that comes with the knowledge that nobody else is going to be reading this ever.

I saved all my old journals and diaries from when I was in 5th through 8th grade---at least I hope nobody threw them away back home. I haven't looked at all at them since those years. That's definitely something I need to do when I go to Chicago next. I would like to revisit what my thoughts and feelings were back then, what kind of person I was, etc. I remember writing page after page, even after "journal time" in the morning at school was done. I think I used to sit at my desk and journal when I was supposed to be paying attention in class. I don't remember anything of what I wrote, but I remember it being therapeutic in a tough time. Grade school years for me were hellish. I didn't have any friends at school; I was a nerd and everyone made fun of or just avoided me. So I remember feeling comforted by writing. I remember feeling like the diary was my friend when nobody else was, and someone I could confide in when nobody else would listen or understand.

I read a lot of online blogs/journals, the most recent being the one I posted the link to in my last entry. Apparently he still journals every day and thinks it's very important for people to do so. I guess I do too...everyone needs a release. And I agree that you don't have to be a pro or even a good writer to express yourself in written word. I mean...I'm here aren't I? Who even is reading this? I don't care either way. It's something to do, and something I can look back on and think about, years from now. Mateja at 24, what she was thinking and feeling, and so on.

Cheers!

in which i disclose what my blog should be like

2008-10-01T10:59:00.000-05:00

been reading this for the better part of an hour. check these entries out.

http://www.absolute-motleycrue.com/nikki.html

irritated

2008-09-26T16:44:00.000-05:00

my car is all messed up. it's filthy. paint is scored on the back bumper and chipping off. i want to take it to a car wash tomorrow, but 1) the one by my place has gotten terrible reviews on yelp.com--to the effect that they are rude, don't speak English (so they can't understand any special instructions you give them), there are lots of thefts, and they give you the hard sell for upgrades to more expensive washes. 2) I am afraid they won't honor my instructions to either be very gentle or simply stay away from the peeling paint on my bumper/ One false move and all my paint will be gone, baby, gone.

i have to take the sucker in to get repainted anyway, it seems. since i park outside that means it always gets soaked by lawn-watering sprinklers and dew. And that water is getting trapped under my peeling paint. Disaster waiting to happen, if you ask me.

and, i dunno. the debates are tonight and im getting worked up about it.

really, it's just been a long week and I'm ready for it to be done.

bday and aftermath

2008-09-24T14:31:00.001-05:00

What a nice time my bday weekend was. Friday night Linus and I went out for a nice Italian dinner (something we don't eat a lot of--all that pasta and cheese...). It was GRAND....our favorite item was the blood susage. I kid you not--great stuff. A cousin of the Slovenian krvavice, the Italian version of blood sausage is thicker and grinds up the barley for the filling instead of the putting the grains in whole as the Slovenians do. That was Staramama's theory, anyway, when I asked her about it on the phone on Monday.

Saturday was the party day. It started off with rehearsal for Beethoven's 9th, then dropping shoes off at repair place, then getting yelled at by a cop for not having my front license plate attached (long story why...but I didn't get a ticket). Evening came, and Linus and I made our way to the designated party locale--El Carmen--early to grab some food. Alas, we arrived and the door was locked! Several phone calls later we get through to someone inside who explains they are closed for a private event. Thanks for letting the rest of us in on it! So after a smallish panic attack courtesy of me, we did some fast maneuvering and redirected ourselves and the impending group to Tart on Fairfax. Tart was all well and good, complete will food, until it closed at 11pm (whoops!). We had to relocate a second time to St. Nick's Pub. But all in all it was fun--people kept a sense of humor about the craziness (the 5 or 6 drinks helped me with that) and we had a great time.

Sunday I taught for what seemed like forever, and then went almost immediately over to UCLA to sing for the 4th movement of Beethoven's 9th symphony. Younger groups don't perform this so how appropriate that I should perform this particular piece the day after i enter my official mid-twenties.

More on that later. The "aftermath" has been a little ugly.

Monday I did the thank-yous. I called Grandma & Grandpa and Staramama. How nice to hear from them. I miss them enormously.

I'll post about how I'm feeling today--and how I felt yesterday--later. Let's just say there are a few choice blogs from people older and wiser than me who are getting me through it.

OK, lastly, if only to not break with tradition, here is my 2008 Birthday

Loot List:

3 "I Heart Guts" toys: pancreas, liver and uterus (thanks, L!)
1 black tee with some cool patters (thanks, L!)
1 white tee that says "I've Been to Duluth" (thanks, L!)
$800 (thanks Dad, Staramama, and G&G)
$50 worth of Barnes & Noble gift cards (thanks D&K, and my coworkers)
a bookmark (thanks coworkers)
Flight of the Conchords DVD (thanks, Nicole!)
1 bag of Maltesers (thanks T.C. & Leo!)
...and cards (thanks G&G, Dad, Franz, Linus, D&K, coworkers, Dan, Nicole, T.M.!)

how i feel today

2008-09-09T13:18:00.000-05:00

i had been feeling pretty chipper for a while now....great mini-vacation for Labor Day, fun shenanigans this past weekend.....

Even yesterday I felt psychologically very good (physically, I was hung over and yucky).

Today I'm a little down and thinking about my faults a lot. I'm a big mouth. I can't ever keep my opinions to myself. I never seem to be able to mind my own business. I always have to put my 2 cents' worth in. I'm bossy. I never let people alone. I always find something to criticize.

I wish I was better.

An Old, Relevant Raffi Song

2008-08-27T18:11:00.001-05:00

Mama's taking us to the zoo tomorrow!
Zoo tomorrow, zoo tomorrow!
Mama's taking us to the zoo tomorrow!
We can stay all day.

We're going to the zoo, zoo, zoo
How about you, you, you?
You can come too, too, too
We're going to the zoo!

....ok maybe Mama's not taking us, but I am going to the San Diego Zoo this Saturday. I've been wanting to go ever since I read the Dr. Seuss Children's Series book about it. So, since I was three years old or something. I'm pretty excited.

My Bros and Their Sis

2008-08-26T18:22:00.000-05:00

Last Thursday, my brother Franz started junior year of high school. He is using my old Latin textbook, with all of my translations written in the margins (something for which he has already thanked me profusely) . This summer he learned to drive a stick shift, something I don't even really know how to do.

Tomorrow my brother Aloysius flies off to Rome to study abroad for three and a half months. He's beginning his junior year of college. I'm a little afraid, as he's already informed me that he wants to hitchhike to Munich for Oktoberfest. Nevermind that he could easily afford a bus or train ticket. That's just Al.

And so, as he prepares to leave and Franz reminisces with me via text abouthigh school teachers we shared, I keep thinking how much time flies. My baby brothers are getting so grown up...which means I'm even older. However cliché this sounds, it really does seem like just yesterday that we were all kids, putting on plays in the basement, fighting over what movie to watch, playing basketball in the alley.

Which leads me to the same question that pops up with me every day. Where is life going to take me next? What is my next step?

Guests, Fat Flush and Me

2008-08-13T14:15:00.000-05:00

i am feeling only so-so, on Day 3 of the Fat Flush Diet. I cheated a little bit last night with two lowest-calorie-possible alcoholic drinks. because my old buddies SUE and NAOMI are both in town and we painted it red last night!!...well, pink, since for me it was a work night. These are the girls who had so much fun together at York Backpackers almost a year and a half ago now...stumbling home drunk from the pubs, watching movies on my laptop, gossiping about hostel stuff...reunited in Los Angeles!! If only for a day or so. I only wish I could have taken a day or two off of work to really be a tour guide, and if only I wasn't on the Fat Flush Diet.

Wha...? Huh? What is this? Read on.

I am so happy to be playing host to these two awesome Aussie gals, but it sure is annoying and tough while on this diet. There hasn't been enough hours in the day to make three meals AND shop for the next day and THEN make sure that my guests are fed too--cause they sure as hell don't want my meager and slightly strange-tasting Fat Flush meals. But don't hate--up until yesterday I didn't even know what escarole was let alone cook with it and eat it. And it isn't my fault if escarole tastes nasty.

I just want to eat a piece of bread. I crave bread like you would not believe. It HURTS me to see bread in the stores or the leftover buns from lunch on the counters here at work (they're just going to be THROWN AWAY!). Oh, and I think the diet is already making me crazy because I have this fear that my body won't WANT this stuff after the two-week cleanse. That is in fact of what the book kind of claims will happen. What if 1.5 weeks ago was the last white bread I ever eat? What if that Snickers fun-size was the last chocolate I will ever enjoy putting in my mouth? I don't think that's rational at all... but it seems that this diet is making me nuts.

I'm on 1100-1200 calories a day. Veggies (and the low carb ones too, so no potatoes, no corn, no carrots, no avocado...) and meat are just about all I can have. One fruit a day. I have to drink 64 oz of what they call "cran-water"(1 part totally unsweetened cranberry juice to 7 parts water) daily, so I'm peeing like a racehorse all the time. When I wake up and when I go to bed I have to mix the cran-water with a teaspoon of powdered psyllium husks, which doesn't mix well with liquid because it's so fine and when it does it turns into some kind of superglue which is hell to clean out of the inside of the glass after you've ingested all you can.

It seems that all I can talk about is this diet. See? It's taking over my mind. I didn't even sign on here to blog about it. This is how brainwashing works, isn't it? The group (in this case, Ann Louise Gittleman's Fat Flush book) subjects its victims (me) to a breakdown in value-set (I read the book and was informed that pretty much everything I eat is poisonous), then the introduction of a NEW value set (eat all organic, expensive, impossible-to-find veggies and herbs--how do non-Californians manage this diet???) to constant repetition of new values to replace the old (the constant minute-by minute rubric of what to eat and when to eat it, and the constant freaking cran-water)...and the weakening of physical and mental state by the low caloric intake per day. I'm pretty sure this is what Jim Jones did with People's Temple.

Anyway. I really miss bread and energy and not feeling like my head is in a soup, but...this too shall pass. And I'm sure America will still have bread in two weeks when I'm done with all of this. Linus had the brilliant idea of getting a mail-order Giordano's pizza for when we're all done.
Although the sudden dairy onslaught after two weeks of abstinence will probably send the both of us running for the bathroom....I must say it's a go.

The real reason I decided to blog today was originally my mounting feelings of homesickness and missing my family. I know it's because my brothers and cousins are at the lake right now--with a new water volleyball net no less--and I ache to be there with them. But I've cheered up a bit in writing this, and in going through my day. And I have been keeping up with the Olympics online and on TV and I'm not thinking about the lake as much as I was last week at this time, so I guess overall I am feelin' not too bad! Having friends over helped a lot, too. It was a nice distraction from the day-to-day routine that has been getting me down of late.

I'm ready for fall.

and i promise soon there will be a real entry

2008-07-14T12:01:00.000-05:00

I just got back from a heavenly vacation on Star Island, and I'm not quite acclimated to LA yet. I will post soon, with pictures. Stay tuned.

my dad

2008-06-26T10:58:00.000-05:00

My dad is an amazing person. Yeah we do our fair share of fighting, mostly because we both possess the same terrible quality of reading all sorts of things into what the other is saying, but at the end of the day even if our conversations are just him screaming at me, I somehow (well, most of the time) feel enlightened, as if some wise eminent being has decided to grace me with a snippet of some greater knowledge or truth.

In addition to and going hand-in-hand with this is the feeling that ever more often these days, he makes me feel like I'm a real adult. Not all of the time--and boy he lets me know when I'm not acting like one--but often enough that it's changing our relationship and the way I see myself. He reminds me constantly that probably the biggest part of being an adult is having to face the sucky parts of life, and get away from the idea that life is like a Disney flick.

That's scary to me. So what helps is Dad's firm voice saying, "Shit happens. And you have to go on."

The latest thing he told me was a story his brother, my uncle Punk, told about when he was in the navy. My dad loves to use real-life stories as metaphors for life and how to live it. Uncle Punk used to be on ships that would sometimes hit very rough waters. The ships were designed with a certain amount of ballast in the hull, with a monitor that would detect how much the ship would list during a storm. In heavy storms, the ship would often list far enough to one side that water would enter the smokestacks and engine room. The ballast was what would enable the ship to come upright again, and as long as that happened, the ship's pumps could expel the water that was taken in, and the ship would stay afloat. There were times, though, that Uncle Punk and his crewmates saw the monitor's alarm light flash on, meaning that the ship was leaning too far over to one side and for too long, and they weren't sure if the ship would be able to right itself. Happily in their case, it always did.

Dad wanted me to see that it is important to have that ballast inside of oneself--that self-appreciation and love and confidence and strength that enables us to right ourselves even when we are listing and taking on water. I like this metaphor because the ballast is within the ship. A reminder of where one's ultimate strength has to come from.

Dad, I thank you for our conversation today. I felt a little frightened when you said bluntly that well, bad and unfortunate things do happen, and they happen to millions of people every day. Sometimes I do not like to think about that. But a greater part of what I felt was solidarity with you and solidarity with the world at large, and I felt strangely comforted with this knowledge. I guess I felt that if everyone else can deal with life's pains and aches and so much worse--I mean hell, just look at Myanmar, China and our own Midwest--I can, too. Maybe I'm just a little bit less afraid, and for that I am grateful.

this just to say...

2008-06-25T20:02:00.001-05:00

...to let the world know that I am still here, in one piece believe it or not.

I'm trying this new heath kick. It's sort of an amorphous diet consisting of me seeing just how much willpower I have. I've been having salads for lunch the last two days, minimal carbs, no soda, caffeine only in the form of green tea....I've been trying to swim every day too but I keep getting earaches. Something will have to be done about this, I suppose.

All this couldn't have come a moment too soon, as it is summertime.

I go to the lake in just about a week. I am very excited to be going. I guess I know that things are going to be different than how theyve been in the past, and different than what I expected, but it's still the lake, it's still family and it will be ok.

OH, yes.

2008-06-19T14:56:00.000-05:00

I'm back. Stay tuned.

done

2007-05-09T06:05:00.000-05:00

finishing up my last (3-hour only!) day at Benenden in exactly 10 minutes.

ill write about my weekend soon, when I'm back at HOME....i'll be there in 36 hours or so!

what a ride it's been.

this is odyssey signing off...

Bomb threat

2007-05-03T04:43:00.000-05:00

Sometimes this job really is worth the monotony and boredom.

Just a few minutes ago, I got a call from a gentleman who apparently had received a small envelope from Benenden, and he's not a member of the Society. He says he's run the envelope through the scanner and that it's showing up as "positive." He tells me he find this all "very suspicious" and demandeed to "alert" someone "in a position of authority." Positive for what, I wondered--and what kind of "scanner" do you just have lying around your house? I immediately pictured senile old man watching late-night infomercials selling things like witching rods, and gaydar, and those scramblers you attach to your cell phone to keep you from developing a tumor.

Hasn't he ever heard of junk mail?

I love this job.

MAYDAY!! (yay!!)

2007-05-01T05:28:00.000-05:00

T-minus 9 days. And on this most momentous occasion, I'm going to take the opportunity to list the things that are going my way.

My last day of of work is next Wednesday. 2 extra days of work for me (Monday is a Bank Holiday)!

My phone came in the mail

I have 2 interviews waiting for me in LA

End of an era....

2007-04-26T06:25:00.000-05:00

No, not quite THE era. But the end of the terrible reign of Andrew the Tyrant. GONE, sleazy passes at every girl who walks through the doors of Micklegate House! GONE, the random "cell toss" (what I dubbed his ad-hoc criticisms which he would lash out whenever his morning tea wasn't enough of a morning pick-me-up)!

Fearing the possible repurcussions of Sleepy Female On Door Shift + Drunk Andrew, I stayed awake most of the night...that and Christine and I got hooked on YouTube. Either way, I went to sleep sometime between 5 and 6am, and had to wake up at 7:15. I was awake when Andrew left because I heard the noise of a suitcase being pulled down the stairs, and the big front door opening. I was groggy and didn't give a good goddamn so I just faced the wall and went back to sleep. I suppose he's on his way to Indiana by now. It doesn't bother me that he'll now be polluting America with his shady green-card presence. We know how to deal with sleazebags like him in the Land of the Free--in the words of Toby Keith, "We'll put a boot in your ass, it's the American way."

I am at work right now, trying to get by on just over one hour of sleep. I have been managing alright, but I almost forgot to take the mail downstairs (I was almost 15 minutes late with it) and I'm having trouble enunciating at my normal level of crispness. The word "Benenden" is starting to sound something like "burger" and I'm not even bothering to try and say "medical benefits." It's all I can do just to remember where I am.

Being tired brings up all sorts of thoughts and ideas that probably would be best left unsaid. Just for sanity's sake--I mean the sanity of anyone reading this. But, you see, I spend a lot of my time here at work reading the writing of others. They run the gamut from travelogues (people I know are in Paraguay in the Peace Corps, year-long trips around the world, teaching English in Shanghai...) to observations on the benefits of meditation to deep emotional outpourings to inane online surveys asking who I last said "cowabunga" to. I just finished reading a rather long blog of a friend of mine and my warped, tired brain seems to be rather on the impressionable side today...so here I am writing. But at least he was writing about places he's traveled to; I'm writing about nothing in particular.

But no writing is bad writing. Look, this is my true writing voice. What thinkest thou?

Anyway, I have exactly two weeks left here. Well, 13 days after today. It is very possible that these will be the slowest 13 days of my existence. I am trying so hard to stop my brain from fantasizing about going home....I'm trying to remind myself that 13 days is still a significant amount of time and that I should stop getting so excited because that only makes the time go slower. I should find something to do and concentrate on that. But I can't think of anything, and I have slipped into a daily routine of go to work, come home, eat, watch a movie with Sue and/or Amit, sleep. Rinse, repeat. And after this weekend I won't even have Sue to hang out with anymore, because she's moving in with the family she's nannying for--trying it out at least.

A lot of things are going through my head at present--the fact that my great-uncle just passed away two days ago and I'm the only one not at the funeral...the news that there is a chance Erin may yet be moving to Los Angeles after all...the fact that this and next weekend are CHOCK FULL of fun things going on at home in the USA (parties, recitals, get-togethers...) that I won't get to be there for but i was SO CLOSE so it's killing me...the fact that I'm going to have to organize some sort of goodbye soiree for myself and I'm not really that energized about it--part of me wants to just slip out the door!

I guess I'll do what I always do when I can't think of anything else to do. I'll make a list.

Things I most want RIGHT NOW:
hug
kiss
bed
Family Guy
sleep
cuddle
bath

....I miss.

Tired now. That's all for now, faithful readers (What a joke. Can you hear me chortle?)

The Lake District

2007-04-23T06:55:00.000-05:00

Hi all!

This weekend was enjoyable, I must say. But first let me briefly comment on the production of joseph and the amazing technicolor dreamcoat which i saw thursday night. The lighting = great. Costumes = cheap. Music = awesome multiple keyboards with top-of-the-line sounds. sounded like a full orchestra. very cool . the sound people didn't do their job as well as they could have; sometimes people weren't miked enough and other times the singers were blowing out the mikes and it was painful to listen to.

the most interesting thing about the evening was to observe that at least in york, the theater is like the ballpark. i have a picture of a man DRINKING BEER during the show. and people brought in all sorts of snacks. some noisy. and i got in trouble for taking little film ckips--the usher had to admonish me twice. why she gave a shit, i dont know. power trip. and loads of other people were doing it, with VIDEO CAMERAS (i had my little canon) but because i was onthe end and she could reach me, she picked on me alone.

all in all, it was good. i could have done a better job as the Narrator though becayse i have a higher belt range. teehee. it was fun, though.

WEEKEND:
Friday:

Friday after work, Naomi walked me to the train station as I took off for Manchester (I had to swtich trains 3 times to get to Sarah's place). It was sad to say goodbye to her...it's always weird saying goodbye to people you meet here because there's such a large chance that you wont ever see that person again....so you want to say something like "have a nice life"...it's odd.

the train rides were uneventful, and i got to Windermere 4 hours later, 5 minutes early. Sarah took me to this cute pub where we met up with her new coworker boyfriend Nick. He's a sweet guy. One glass of wine got me a little tipsy, because I was very very tired. We got home, to her little village which has almost no people living in it, no lights--so it was pitch black and all the stars were visible. how gorgeous. i conked out as soon as my head hit the pillow.

Saturday:
Yummy fry-up for breakfast. I dont think I'll ever LOVE baked beans, but theyre ok when youre hungry and youre in England!

After eating we lounged around fora short while, I met Sarah's housemate Zoë. Then we headed out the door for a drive and a walk around the countryside!

Now, this is the stuff we all picture when we think of stereotypical English countryside: green hills, stone walls, cute cottages, colorful trees and flowers...and lots and lots of sheep. And villagers waving at you as you pass by. And mountains and lakes, too! We had a lovely walk for about an hour and a half, to get to this stone circle which is apparently 1000 years older than stonehenge. It certainly looks it; the stones are much more weathered and worn down. The circle was located on a hill which afforded an AMAZING view of the surruonding hills, valleys and mountains. It was windy but not too cold.

Going back, we drove through the country some more, stopping for a snack in --was it Grasmere? correct me if im wrong--anyway we ate a PIZZA with APPLES and CUMBERLAND SAUSAGE. sounds weird? well it is kind of, but very tasty especially after a long walk. I also bought some local treats--Eccles Cakes (theyre like giant Fig Newtons), butter shortbread and Kendal Mint Cakes. These things are awesome--theyre like the center of a York Peppermint Patty only harder--they are made of simply peppermint oil and lots of sugar. YUMM.

We went back to Sarah's place, which by the way is called Bobtail Cottage (and the cottage next door is called Wain Garth--how funny is that!!), and lounged around a bit wth Zoë. I was amazed by the mountainous backyard view they have, and the fact that you can see (and hear!) lots of sheep. Sarah and I had some wine, and worked on the pepper and mushroom risotto dinner, and apple/pear/sultana crumble for dessert.

It came out yummy. Nick had dinner with us as well. Then we headed down to the Eagle's Head--even a village as small as Sattherthwaite has a pub--for a pint. It is a quintessential English pub. Dark, cozy, everybody knows everybody.

A good evening.

Sunday:
Cloudy, raining steadily. Not good weather for me to go on the Go Ape! course, but we decided to forge on through anyway.

Go Ape! isthe outdoor adventure park-thingy where Sarah works. To understand what it is, picture the Ewok village--high up in the trees, swinging by ropes from tree to tree. That's kind of what you do. You are high above the ground, on ledges which are built on the trees. The idea is to get from tree to tree by doign different obstacles. Some are rope bridges, some aer special ladders, some are rope nets, barrels...and zooming down cables which is really fun (until you scrape your head, which i did twice. oh well). ...and jumping off ledges in a 'Tarzan Swing' onto a vertical rope net which you then must climb to reach the next ledge.

I had an absolute blast doing this, despite the fact that I was cold and soaking wet. The best was the huge leap at the end, where you are 60-something feet up in the air and you have to do a huge leap to get to the next net. You are in free-fall for a few feet which is pretty scary, but afetr I was done all I wanted to do was do it again! ..but not quite, becuase it was cold and wet and Sunday roast was waiting in the pub back in Satterthwaite.

It was my first (finally!) English Sunday Roast. Yummy pork with applesauce and stuffing, and cabbage, parsnips, potatoes, cauliflower. Mmm.

I was sad to leave Sarah, and I wasnt looking forward to the 6-hour train ride ahead of me. It does not take anywhere near 6 hours to get from her place to York, but it does on a Sunday because of rail repairs. I had a 2-hour bus ride to Preston, Lancashire and a 90-minute wait there, and then a 3-hour train ride to York itself (lots of stops). By the time I got back I was exhausted and overheated....but what a good weekend.

I spent the rest of the evening hanging out with Sue and Amit. My bed had somehow gotten broken over the weekend so Brad and DJ replaced it with another one for me.

Tha-tha-that's all folks...

2.5 weeks left.

Out Of Obligation

2007-04-19T05:24:00.000-05:00

I haven't updated in a while, I know. I think part of it has been that the weather has been so gorgeous I haven't had my thoughts on updating so much, another part is that nothing really has been happening....and I guess I've just been lazy.

So in the last 2 weeks or so we have welcomed 2 new people to MH: a wonderful new Aussie named Sue, and an equally wonderful Israeli girl named Amit. They're awesome. Naomi returned 2 days after I did from my vacation, and the four of us have been hanging out constantly (well not so much Amit...she prefers to go online/smoke/bone guys) and it's been fun.

For Easter we had a taco dinner. Why do Aussies think it's correct to put SPINACH and MUSHROOMS on their tacos? And that mozzarella cheese is as good as any for tacos? You should have seen my face when Naomi put the grated mozzarella in the cart. And you should have seen my face when they looked at my reaction blankly and said, "um, how does it matter what kind of cheese?" How does it matter!?!?!?? Blasphemy!!

Not much went on the next week or weekend, except that weather was absoluetly fabulous and I spent every minute of it outside tanning. I got a little color :-).

This week has been OK, going to see Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat tonight, as a treat to myself, and tomorrow I'm going to visit Sarah (finally!) in the Lakes.

I am counting the days til I come home. I have already purchased and sent off for my new Samsung phone, and next week at this time I'll have my first bank transfer done. Also at this time, I will be done with my LAST DOOR SHIFT! That's certainly cause for celebration!!

I'm a little sad that tomorrow will be the last time I see Naomi for a long time, and I'm crap at goodbyes...but such is life. i wish I was the one leaving tomorrow. My mood today is not stellar but that's mostly becuase I've gotten so little sleep.

Restauriffic

2007-04-04T10:32:00.000-05:00

My poor stomach is crying out for decent eats. In honor of my constantly rumbling innards, I have decided to do a post wherein I list all of my favorite restaurants, grouped by city/area and ethnicity/genre. They are not in any order of preference. And I try to avoid chains at all costs, but there are a few exceptions.

Chicago (home, sweet home):
Mexican (fast): Tacos Erendira beef tacos --theyre really good
Mexican (sit-down): Nuevo Léon -- pork tamales and carne asada steak
Italian: Bertucci's -- lasagna
Asian (sit-down, includes Chinese, Vietnamese, Japanese and Korean): Chai Tung -- crab rangoon, chicken fried rice, chicken teriyaki, sashimi, mongolian beef, duck
Chinese (take-out): The Great Hunan -- sweet and sour chicken, fried rice
Greek: Rodity's (it was hard to choose!) --saganaki, Roditis wine, roast lamb, rice, rosemary potatoes, baklava, spanakopita
German: Schnitzelplatz (Berghoff gets honorable mention for longevity and excellent lemon meringue pie dessert) -- Wienerschnitzel
Steak: Eli's -- prime rib or filet mignon...do not let the waiter be a snob to you
Pizza (deep-dish): Giordano's --plain cheese.
Pizza (regular but NOT thin-crust): Ricobene's before owners changed -- plain cheese
Indian: The Viceroy --it's buffet-style and they don't label the food items. But it's yummy.
Chicken: White Fence Farm --corn fritters, all white meat
Hot dogs: Nicky's, man. Or that other place on 35th nearer to Halsted. Murray's, is it called? --hot dog, only rule being DO NOT put ketchup on it. That's rule #1 in Chicago.
Argentinian: Fogo de Chao -- meat.
Breakfast: Le Peep -- any of the skillets or breakfast sandwiches. any smoothie, and/or a peach bellini
Seafood: McCormick & Schmick --swordfish, clam chowder
Dessert: Mario's Italian Ice --plain lemon, watermelon or blue raspberries. and don't forget the lupini beans!
Janky: The New Archview --your basic 2-eggs-any-style breakfast

Bay Area:
Breakfast: Joao's --see The New Archview
Smoothie: The Juice Society (wtf is its name now, though?) --strawberry/banana
Dessert: Yumi Yogurt --i was depressed that day and don't remember what flavor I ordered
Mexican (fast): Henry's --Nachos grande--pollo con frijoles negres y pico de gallo
Chinese (reg): China Stix --the salt and pepper spareribs are especially tasty
Chinese (seafood): Someplace at that big Chinese plaza area in Milpitas. It was all in Chinese...
Italian: Mio Vicino --cheese ravioli
Thai: Thai Pepper vegetarian pad thai and thai ice cream for dessert
other: La Fondue --the dinner for 2. start with the Cajun cheese mix. Then get among other things buffalo, filet mignon, swordfish, and duck. Do the milk chocolate dessert.
...the rest is all chains.

Los Angeles area:
Indian: Jaipur --Butter chicken and plain naan. Nuff said. If you must eat something other than that, try the Chicken Tikka Masala or Chicken Makhni
Italian: Italian Express (OLIVE GARDEN IS NOT ITALIAN, SHILPA!!!!!) the cheese buns, the cheese pizza
Mexican (fast): Baja Bud's -- 2 beef tacos (stop laughing) with cheese and cilantro and pico de gallo, or chicken nachos a la Henry's (see above)
Mexican (sit-down): Don Antonio's or La Cabana --cheese enchiladas and pork tamales
Thai: Tongdang Thai Kitchen --chicken pad thai, chicken fried rice
Chinese (reg., sit-down): the only place I've been to, VIP Harbor Seafood --uh. same old.
Chinese (dim sum): I don't know; I think it was all written in Chinese. Again the only dim sum I've ever had, sadly, so there isn't much basis for comparison here. --i have no idea what any of that stuff was. But it was good.
Burgers (fast): In-N-Out --double-double with cheese. eat it PLAIN, damn you!!!
Burgers (sit-down): Barney's.--a bacon cheeseburger. and get curly fries.
Greek: Delphi, the only place. And it was decent. --see Rodity's above.
Sushi: CA Roll Factory --CHUPA CABRE. and whitefish tempura. and miso soup. and the Erin Roll. Priscilla says the shrimp tempura is good, too.
Argentinian: Gaucho Grill (YES, I'm aware it's a chain) Chimichurri sauce. it doesn't matter what you eat as the entree, cuz the chimichurri sauce is why you come. but for lunch i recommend the chicken provolone sandwich, and the salmon for dinner.
Dessert (cold): Diddy Riese or Mashti Malone's -- any type of ice cream sandwich. it's all good.
Dessert (not cold): Sprinkles Cupcakes -- RED VELVET

Toronto:
Austrian/Slovenian: The Linden Leaf --get the Wienerschnitzel
Pizza: Pizza Pizza (not to be confused with Little Caesar--this pizza is to die for.) --plain cheese or pepperoni
Chinese (buffet): The Mandarin --everything here is great, even the non-Chinese food. Be sure not to miss the lobster ice cream
Seafood: This fish-n-chips place near the lake mmmm
Chicken: St. Hubert's -- all white meat.

Fargo-Moorhead: --this is slightly tongue-in-cheek, but all true
Mexican (sit-down): Mexican Village --get your basic 2-taco and tamale combo
Mexican (fast): Taco John's --the ole's and cheese (basically hash browsdrenched in nacho cheese)
Chinese: This place in Duluth. I KNOW Duluth is not close to F-M, but it's the best I can do. --my first-ever Chinese food experience, so I had to include it. I ate the chicken fried rice and the sweet and sour chicken.
Dessert: Dairy Queen --Cotton Candy Blizzard
Italian: Grandma's (it's the name of the place) --lasagna
Norwegian: Sons of Norway (you can get lutefisk, lefse and rummegrot)
Seafood: Red Lobster the fried seafood platter, and the Lobsterita. and the cheesy biscuits.
Pizza: Dwayne's (salty and oh-so-delicious. just prepare for immense heartburn later) --cheese. pepperoni ok too.
Burgers: Burger Time --your basic burger and fries. PLAIN!!

Minneapolis Area:
Steak: Murray's Steakhouse fliet mignon
5-star: Goodfellows -- buffalo carpaccio, pork medallions with mini yukon gold potatoes
Seafood: Kincaid's --salmon
Chinese (sit-down or takeout): Fong's --whatever, it's Chinese takeout.
Burgers: This sports bar-y place in Bloomington --again, the plain cheeseburger.

Bemidji-Walker-Cass Lake-Nisswa area:
General fine dining: The Boulders --get the crab dip to start, and some wild rice soup, and then a steak or some walleye if you want something lighter
Native American (Ojibway): The Northern Lights Casino --wild rice soup and fry bread
Steak: The Goose Crossing -- NY strip steak with garlic mashed potatoes, and the Bailey's Irish Creme torte for dessert
Italian: Tutto Bene. Enough said. --anything, really, but I personally love the cheese ravioli with a strawberry Italian soda to drink, and the fruit ices for dessert.
Chinese: Great Wall Buffet --mmm
Pizza: Chippewa Paws --plain cheese
Mexican (tacos only): Pike Hole Taco Night --appetizers you must always getcheese sticks and onion rings. get a large soft shell taco for the main course; you will not go home hungry. if you can stuff it in, finish with a mint chocolate chip ice cream cone.
Mozzarella sticks and onion rings: Pike Hole (all the time)
Pizza: Dave's (quite possibly the best pizza ever, even beating out the ones in Chicago) --just go nuts. it's awesome.
Dessert: the Bemidji Dairy Queen, and Teal's donuts (fresh) --get a cherry or grape Star Kiss at DQ, and the plain donuts at Teal's.

York (England):
Fish and chips: Stuart's of Druffield --haddock and chips. cod is more expensive and as far as i can tell there's no difference in taste.
Sandwich: The York Hog Roast --the pork sandwich on while with "everything" which means applesauce and stuffing. And make sure to get some crackling, too.
(these two things are about the only food-related things I will miss about England.)

OTHER NEWS: it was sunny and warm yesterday, and it is sunny and warm today. that means mateja is happy!

Lynch'd

2007-03-22T04:26:00.000-05:00

I got the idea for the title of this post from a thread of messages on IMDb. An individual copy-pasted a magazine review of Inland Empire and tried to pass it off as his/her own, and was caught--the next46 posts were pretty much about how this user had been "Punk'd."

Anyway.

I should probably do the personal-travelogue portion of this entry first, just because that's the blog's main purpose and I don't think many people will be left after attempting to wade through the mire of...well, you'll see. I didn't want to write anything resembling a review of that movie, but thoughts just keep coming.

On an impulse, I decided to see Inland Empire last night, even though I should probably have stayed in and nursed my flu which has now degenerated into a nasty hacking cough. Tired of hanging around Micklegate House, especially since for the last 3 days it has been home to the most abominable slice of mankind--150 12-14 year olds. Which pretty much means noise 24 hours a day. Screaming, stopming up and down stairs, you name it....plus I'd run out of Tess Gerritsen medical thrillers to read. [Don't hate. She's an M.D.-cum-novelist, and because of her detailed descriptions of medical procedure, autopsies and gruesome killings I now was able to precisely identify what Nikki Grace--or Susan Blue, I guess--died of on Hollywood Boulevard in the film: pulmonary edema. The blood caused by the screwdriver wound slowly filled up her abdominal cavity, including her lungs, until she finally drowned. That's why she spat up all the blood. Slow, nasty way to die. I should be an M.E., eh?]

Sorry, back to the real story. So I impulsively decided to see this movie. On a further impulse, I emailed my friend from choir Marion to ask if she wanted to come, because she had mentioned once that she was a fan of David Lynch. I wasn't really expecting her to say yes, since I knew she was studying for exams, but she ended up emailing me back and saying she'd be happy to come.

I had to rush home after work, because the movie started at 8:05 and I had to do laundry first. That got done. What didn't was dinner. I had planned on picking up some Mickey D's before the show (yeah, yeah...but it's the cheapest fast food there is and it's right by the York City Screen). But when I got there, there was a crowd standing outside and they weren't letting anyone in. Turns out the smoke alarm had gone off for some reason and they had to close for an indefinite amount of time. Bugger.

I know Inland Empire is not a popcorn kind of movie, but I was hungry. And, happily, movie theater popcorn tastes the same here in the UK.

Now for all of you people out there reading this who think you've been to nice theaters--yes, that includes all of you Los Angelenos--you have not been to the York City Screen yet. I am telling you, this theater although small could beat the crap out of any theater in LA I've been to in terms of class, style and comfort (I haven't been to the ArcLight yet). Restaurant on the mezz level. Bar and internet cafe downstairs. Classy glass walls, bloack leather couches...all very chic. And upstairs, in the hallway that leads to the theaters themselves, the whole left wall as you're walking in is glass, affording an amazing panorama view of the River Ouse. I wish I had brought my camera--I'll have to go back. The Bridge at Howard Hughes promenade can suck me.

About the film itself: I wasn't really going to say anything, but I have a few comments.

three films kept coming to mind: Mulholland Dr. I guess goes without saying. People say it's a lot like Lost Highway too, but I can't asy that myself becuase I've never seen it. The other two films are The Shining and The Ring. Before you even say it, i KNOW The Ring does not belong anywhere near the same category as the first two films, but I was reminded of it several times as I watched Inland Empire. I can't remember if it was the music or the camera angles or the SFX, but if it can turn my mind to that film more than once, I think it's worth noting. I felt a lot of Kubrickian things in the film too. It started right off with the rabbit people(OK that was just me. People in animal suits. Whatever.), and then and quite a fair amount of the music, especially when Nikki/Susan gets skewered with the Philips. And one sequence in particlar towards the end where the camera is from Nikki/Susan's POV, moving toward the window of a room on an upper floor of a building on that snowy street, and you can hear a pulsating rhythm that reminds you of a heartbeat. I just KNOW Lynch had to be thinking of that slow, MOS scene in The Shining where Jack Torrance inches toward the bathroom in Room 237, the heartbeat sound growing ever louder. Lynch is no fool; filmmakers pat each other on the back like that all the time (Think the "Pullman party" scene in Some Like It Hot. That was Billy Wilder saying "I salute you" to the Marx Bros.' crowded-stateroom scene in A Night at the Opera).

You have for all intents and purposes no real idea what is "actually" happening, yet you laugh, cry, get really scared...react and respond to what is happening on an emotional level. (That should be anybody's clue first off that the film is not a waste of time!) That's one thing that fascinated me about Mulholland Dr. and fascinated me again with Inland Empire. I had no freaking clue what was happening when Nikki/Susan fired those gunshots at the man in the hallway, but damned if that scene didn't scare me so badly I almost started to cry. And I can't say that of many movies.

Heh heh... watch enough of David Lynch and you stop getting nervous when characters approach and turn corners. If it was any other director, watch your back cuz something's going to pop the hell out and scare you!...but not Mr. Lynch. He's just messin with ya ;-)...well, most of the time, anyway. *** (Side note: clearly this is an indication of how much of film is convention and what we come to expect as audience members. Therefore, I don't know anybody else but if I were ever to make a suspense/thriller and I needed someone to walk around a corner and have the audience be really, really nervous about it...I'd watch Lynch for some tips.)

too long. Perhaps some of you might think, well, this is a criticism typical of someone who does not know how to appreciate film that isn't mainstream. Not the case. The latter end of the middle of this film did drag a bit, and I was in danger of nodding off a few times. There doesn't have to be plot movement to keep me up, but there has to be something to keep people intrigued pretty much at all times. Can't let things languish for too long, even when you're David Lynch.

dizzying. I started to feel like I was going in circles. And I was too fascinated to be annoyed about it! Like being in a hall of mirrors, or a spiral. I actually chuckled at the end when the girl is sitting in the room and watching herself sitting in that same room on the television, and in the TV you can see the TV with her sitting in the room watching herself on the TV...that pretty much sums it up. ***(Another side note: My brothers and I did that once. We set up the camcorder in our TV room and taped ourselves watching ourselves on TV, and in the TV you could see the TV with us on it, etc. etc...). Kinda blows your mind if you try to think about it too hard.

i KNEW that was Naomi Watts' voice! ...I also recognized Laura Harring. Hardy har.

I understand some Polish. Not very many, but some very basic words are intelligible across the Slavic-language board. Words such as "understand", "recognize,", "heart", "know", and the phrase "I have the key" were ones I was able to understand without the help of subtitles.

Don't feel like writing any more.

...except can someone please set me up with Mr. Theroux? That guy is HOT STUFF. Thought so ever since that episode of Sex and the City where he plays Vaughn, the guy with the really awesome family. I want in his pants.

sick

2007-03-19T07:08:00.001-05:00

I have the flu.

Requiem in the Minster

2007-03-15T07:49:00.000-05:00

Last night was the York University Choir, along with the Northern Sinfonia,'s performance of Mozart's famed Requiem in d minor.... kerkel 626, you know the one. The one we sang is slightly different than the one everyone is used to hearing. This is because we performed the new 1992 completion by Duncan Druce. It's mostly the same as the Sussmayr completion, but with a slightly different 2nd half of the Lacrimosa and slightly-altered Amen, Agnus Dei and Osanna. I think Mr. Druce knows better than to mess with anything else. People would come after him with torches and pitchforks if he did.

(You know, it really kills me when people go on and on about Sussmayr and his lack of creativity and vision, and how they themselves, writing 200 years later, could do a better job of figuring out what Mozart was really trying to say. You can research all you want, but at the end of the day, regardless of his amateur status, Sussmayr was the only one to actually know the guy, work with the guy...probably snuck peeks at a lot of Mozart's shit that we'll never see, probably stole some of it too...so I think we have to give the guy some due credit. Write your completions how you want to, but let's get real here. Don't say you can somehow do a better and more accurate job than Mozart's own freaking student.)

Anyway, the concert itself was magnificent. The echo in the Minster is about 5-7 seconds....which is VERY amusing if there is a long, loud dominant and the tonic resolution at the end is an eighth note (I'm sorry, I'm in Briatin, I mean quaver. And yes, I have giggled at the word "crotchet".). What echoes is the dominant and not the finished cadence. Haha. A little frustrating to hear! Ha.

I'm pretty sure everyone who is reading this has access to my Facebook, so I would encourage you to go there and look at some of the pics if you want to see what the setup was like. Those risers were incredible. Very high and very scary--they wobbled! I didn't have to stand on them, however, because I was one of the last people to be herded onstage and they ran out of room...so myself and a few others were stuck on these supplementary platforms on stage right. I was actually in the very front row...how familiar. I was happy with that, because it afforded and excellent view of the orchestra and conductor. There is nothing worse for me during a concert than having to constantly sway back and forth to find a window so I can see the beat. You tall people wouldn't understand, would you?

Other observations I made about this concert--I liked the fact that the getting-off and getting-on didn't have to include a 20-minute torture chamber of arguments over lining up and "row leaders" and all of that shit that makes you feel like a kid in grade school again. We just walked on. Brill. And I doubt anyone in the audience cared. I would have appreciated a bit more discipling with how we held our music, though, as we walked on. It looks bad when some people are holding it at their sides, others are clutching it to their chests, etc.

And why don't Brits warm up properly?? We did a fair warmup but everything was in the same key. Just different vowels, the same tetrachord or arpeggio. It was DUMB!! If you're going to call it a warmup, let's warm up shall we? Not regress back to kindergarten and make sure we remember A, E, I, O, U. Ok don't get me wrong, practicing vowels is important, but I think more important, especially when dealing with sopranos and tenors of whom many are past their voal expiration date (seriously), is GETTING UP THERE. Ugh. Oh well.

But all in all, it was gorgeous. The soprano soloist in particular was amazing. Very light, peaceful and beautiful. I got goosebumps during the Confutatis, my favorite movement...as I have every time since I first heard it. And I had great fun with the 7th leaps in Domine Jesu, as ever. NE ABsorbeat EJUS tartaRUS NE caDANT IN obscuRUM...you know ;-).

And, perhaps best of all, Christine and DJ came to the concert!! I was very flattered, and happy that two more people in the world have now been exposed to the magic that is Mozart...and maybe are changed a little for it. One can only hope.

:-)

MONEY

2007-03-12T09:27:00.000-05:00

"money" being used in different senses. Currency yes, but also that delightful expletive used as such:
"I'm going to the Sox game on Sunday. They're playing the Giants."
"MONEY! You get to see Frank Thomas and Barry Bonds."

Anyway, this is why it was a money week/weekend:

On Thursday--and I don't know why this did no occur to me earlier--I realized that now that I have proper proof of addess--a National Insurance Number letter, other government docs such as a criminal abckground check--I can now upgrade my bank account. Because if you will recall, they gave me the shittiest-of-shit account and told me it was because my proof of address was not official enough. So I returned to HSBC on Thursday, armed with all my official docs, and they showed me in.

First they said I had to wait 3 months to upgrade. I said, but I'm going abroad and want to have a proper debit card so I'm not forced to carry around tons of cash. They accepted that. Then they claimed the reason they didn't give me a good account in the first place wasn't because of my address, it was because I didn't have a credit history in the UK. I said I understood that, however I personally know 3 people who have gotten proper debit cards from HSBC and didn't have any credit history either. I had to prod a little, and prodding works!! I could literally see this banker lady weighing her options and decide that it was better to just give me what I'm asking for than to risk losing my business.

They didn't even check my proofs of address. They said your new debit card will be sent to you in 4-5 business days. I was content and spent the rest of my Friday afternoon and evening laying in bed and reading--with the window open. It was that mild.

My card arrived Saturday morning. I had just finished moving all of my luggage up to the 4th floor (well, here in the UK it's the 3rd floor) from the 2nd (1st) because we had groups coming in who needed our room. I made it downstairs just in time to meet up with Meimei, with whom I was goign to the National Railway Museum and then to watch some rugby. Jacqui called me into the office and told me I had some mail. Lo and behold--there was my brand-new debit card. I felt like a real person finally, haha. Over halfway done with my journey and I'm now almost fully on-the-grid in the UK (only thing missing would be a UK credit card)!

But that wasn't all. Jacqui handed me a flat parcel, and my heart leapt. Sure enough, it was from amazon.com -- my Mulholland Drive DVD!!!! I actually jumped up and down. My Saturday was getting better and better.

So Meimei and I went to the museum. There's a reason why it's free...not a whole lot going ont here. But still, interesting and impressive. The sheer size of some of these engines is amazing, especially the hundred-year-old steam engines. We found a green one that looked like Percy from Shining Time Station, and Meimei took a picture of me next to it--I loved that show when I was little and Percy was my favorite train--or, I guess, character (Thomas was for morons). They also had a car from the Japanese bullet train that you could walk in. That was kind of cool.

Then we went to Sainsbury's to pick up supplies for the rugby game. And damned if they didn't have pizzas on sale for 2 for £4 (still a ripoff by US standards, but I've stopped comparing). We also bought plain Doritos whcih are really hard to find. They were also a ripoff, but I haven't had tortilla chips in far too long. I bought a can of chili to dip the chips in, and we got a bottle of Diet Coke. Good to go.

Now I'm not much into sports, so I mostly zoned out for the games. But Meimei's housemates were fun conversation, especially Glenn from Edinburgh. He looks like Dr. Heiser, my junior year Latin/Greek teacher. That was very amusing. And Gabor, another housemate who is from Hungary, made PALACINKE. I kid you not. Palacinke are crepes. They tasted like the ones I love when mom makes. It was awesome...I ate three even though I;d already eated chili and a whole pizza by myself. Live it up while you can, I say.

After two rugby games (Ireland vs. Scotland and Walse vs. Italy) I went back home. I set up my laptop and settled in to watch Mulholland Drive. I had the room to myself so I was able to watch with the lights off and the volume up. I was quite satisfied.

After that, I went down in the basement to the Dungeons Bar to visit Christine, who was bartending. I ended up helping her slice limes. There weren't too many people there when I first arrived, but it got more crowded as the night wore on. There were two parties goign on--two bachelor parties. Christine and I and Becs were the only girls there for a while. After some time, Nick, Jacqui and Becs said I was going to Toffs with them. Toffs is this club that is directly behind our hostel. It's the one whose noise kept me up all night before we moved to the bigger room.

Toffs is bigger and more impressive that I had imagined. It has three floors, first of all. The ground floor has two bars and a dance floor and the upstairs is a smoky lounge area. I danced for a while, until I twisted my ankle badly. Then I limped back to the hostel. i meant to go straight up to bed because I had volunteered to take Lyndsay's breakfast shift the next morning at 7:45am, but someone told em that Christine needed to talk to me downstairs for a minute, so I went back to the bar. It was "chockers", as the Aussies would say. Packed. Christine was overwhelmed with people. I ended up staying down there for a while longer ebcause I got into a conversation with some people from Newcastle. That and some beers. Then the rest of teh crew came back from Toffs, I looked at my phone to check the time and realized I really did need to get to sleep.

I never heard my alarm. And I had fallen asleep with my clothes and shoes still on. But miraculously, I woke up at 7:37--just enough tome for me to get downstairs and set up all the breakfast. Turns out I needn't have hurried, because Jacqui was 10 minutes late unlocking the café. There was a mob scene to get in, and DJ who had just finished door had to help me set up so that it got done faster.

Why is giving groups food such an ordeal? Every time I went into the kitchen to keep p with dishes (again, no dishwasher!) when I came back into the café I had to shoo people out frmo behind the counter. WTF?? Do people go behind the counter or the bar in a restaurant? No! Why do people think they can do it in ours? After a while I got tired of beating around the bush and flat-out said, "you are not allowed back here. if there's something you want, ask the one in charge--that's me." But that wasn't the worst. The worst was that almost nobody put away their own dishes. The rule is, and there is a clearly posted sign, that you put your dirty dishes on the cart and throw away your trash. Nobody did. And I don't care that they were from Germany; they all spoke English. Anyway, it took me two hours to clean up after them. It wasn't that unpleasant though, all things considered. It was sunny in the café, adn I could play whatever music I wanted on the stereo. I fell to the Amadeus sountrack and blatantly started singing along to the soprano solo from the Kyrie in his c minor mass, and the aria from Zaide. And nobody could say anything or complain, because here I was slaving away cleaning up THEIR mess. Suck on that.

After that I dragged all my luggage back down to my normal bed. Then I went to Sainsbury's, Poundland, had my pork/applesauce/stuffing sandwich, and came back.

That's when I started to feel really rotten. And I knew damn well what it was. The last time I'd felt this bad around this time of the month was in November. I spent the next four hours in bed, cramping and popping advils for my lower back which was all but throbbing. Watched Mulholland Drive twice through because it was what was in my DVD player and I was in too much pain to move. It finally let up in the evening, and I dragged my haggard carcass to the kitchen to make dinner.

That's all, until it was time to shower. I hung my pajamas on the wall next to the shower, and afetr I got out i accidentally pushed them over the side of teh wall, into this crevice. I ended up having to climb up the wall like Spiderman, launch myself headfirst into the crevice and reach down to get the pajamas. I could have fallen and broken my neck, but I needed those pajama pants. So...that was my adventure for the evening.

Tonight is the last reharsal at the University. Tomorrow is 3 hours in the Minster and I am going to try and take some film clips. Wednesday is the concert....

FINALLY, an update!

2007-03-05T03:26:00.000-06:00

Hmmm, so to begin correctly I guess I will have to go back to Wednesday, Feb. 28--because I think that's the first day anything interesting or worth noting took place after my Feb. 19th entry.

Wednesday
was the day we had designated for the water park excursion. It went like this: I had had an absolutely exhausting day at work. I was also famished. I wanted nothing else in the world than to skip out on water park activities, especially since I hadn't donned a swimsuit in months and wasn't looking my grandest in a bikini--I was so white I was the "second sun of the earth" as my cousin Derek would say (when I heard him say it, it was in reference to Grandpa's bare legs). So I was a little miffed when, 15 minutes after I walked in the door, DJ and Sarah rush into the room and say we have to get ready and leave now. UGH. So I shove what I think I'll need into my bag, and get bundled up (it is FREEZING outside), mix up the quickest shake ever and shove some bread into my mouth just so I won't pass out from hunger, and go to wait in the lobby. They knew I had a door shift. They promised we'd be back in plenty of time.

There are more people going than I originally had thought. Becs, Jacqui and Wes came. Nick planned on it, but wasn't back from work yet.

We walked to the bus stop. Mind you, the water park closes at 8pm and it is past 6:30 at this point. Someone has the bright idea to actually look at the bus schedule and see IF we even had a bus back. Nope, we didn't. We were going to have to catch a cab. And guess who was the only one that had a phone OR the number of a cab place. Yeah, that's right. It grinds my gears the way people are so stupid and irresponsible when it comes to think like this--I mean, if I had decided to not go, what were they going to do? So I decided to let them stew for awhile, and not mention that I had a phone and the number for A-Team Taxis.

Finally the bus rounds the corner and we see Nick running down Micklegate to meet us. Great. Luckily, the York bus drivers are slow as hell at collecting fares--AND they do give change--so Nick made it onto the bus, and we were finally off.

A 10-minute bus ride took us to within 2 blocks of WaterWorld York. And I can't remember the last time I felt such strong, biting cold winds. Probably the last time I was in Kloten, ND, which was years ago now. So by the time we got inside, we were freezing to bits--with probably less than an hoor to spend in the damn water park.

But, the waterslides were pretty fun. There were three: fast, medium, and slow. The the fast one, you went down on your bare ass--or back, I guess. For the medium one, you had to sit on a mat--a new experience for me; in all my USA water park experience I've never had to sit on a mat--and for the slow one, you went down on inner tubes. Fun! The funniest thing was how giddy and excited we all got, especially when we saw that all of us had at least 12 years on every other waterslide "customer". It was great. Here we are, a bunch of 21-25 year-olds, waiting in line for waterslides with 7-and 8-year old kids. We had a good time. After we did each slide a few times, we went around the lazy river once or twice. It was not terribly lazy, though--the current knocked me off of my feet a couple of times and one couldn't really swim against it. There was also a wave pool, which we had great fun with. It wasn't huge like the ones I remember going to when I was little, but it was fun nonetheless.

After the wave pool, the whistle blew to signal closing-time, and we all had to get out. I was exhausted and famished again, and anxious to get home because that night I was on door shift, and I still had to shower and washout my bathing suit and set up for the night. So we got out and everyone kind of stood around like dunderheads wondering what we were to do now. I was to tired to mask my annoyance so I actually said, "Since I'm the only one with a phone and I assume the only one who has the number of a taxi place, I guess I'll be calling them now." And I did. And we were all set to wait for them; it would be 10-15 minutes. Good.

But then Jacqui says she wants McDonald's. Everyone pipes up that they want it too, and they implore me to call the cab place back and etll them to come in 45 minutes--at 9:15. I try to tell them that that's too long, and McD's will be closed by then, but they laugh in my face. So, gritting my teeth, I call A-Team and tell them to turn their minibus (for all 7 of us, ha) around and come later. I was madder now because I might not get back in time to start the door shift, and certainly I would not have time to shower or eat. So I had to spend more money, and on awful food. I was now cold, wet, and very annoyed. Sure enough, they finished eating at about 8:45--still 30 mins before A-Team would show up. Then the boys decide theyre going to the grocery store a few yards away. and Jacqui and Becs decide they want to harass the next-door Pizza Hut into letting them order just the all-you-can-eat ice cream. I try to tell them to make sure and pay right away, becuase we're on a time budget (British table service is notoriously slow, I've noticed). They tell me to stop being a stick in the mud. I didn't bother trying to tell them about my door shift; they didn't care. Only Sarah felt for me.

We did end up making the taxi. And DJ paid for it, which made me quite happy. And I did get there in time for my door shift, but barely. I hoped that the rinse-off at the water park showers had made me clean enough. All in all, it was a good time. I was annoyed throughout a bunch of it, but I'm trying to work on calming down and not getting upset over things I can't control--like other people's lack of foresight or consideration of others. And, well, I got some good exercise.

Thursday
was more fun. It was Christine's idea. We were supposed to start cooking the massive pasta dinner at 7:30, but since it was Christine, things didn't really get underway until after 8. We made pasta shells with both marinara and alfredo sauce (from scratch), two whole roast chickens, garlic bread, and mushrooms that I made. They were supposed to be for some sauce for the chicken, but it didn't work out right so I ended up trying to guess at my mom's sauteed-mushrooms recipe. It would have been great if I'd realized I should have used mainly butter to fry them in and not olive oil (the olive oil made them taste a little wrong), and that I should have used rose wine and not red or white). But it ended up OK. Yum. It was dinner for about 12 people, some of whom came especially for the occasion from elsewhere. Meimei showed up, which I was happy about because I hadn't seen her in almost two weeks. If Andrew hadn't shown up, it would have been absolutely perfect.

Haha, except for the monster cleanup job we had in the kitchen afterward. IF ONLY this hostel had a damn dishwasher!! IF ONLY the building didn't have to use little water-heater boxes for its hot water supply. The dishes took ages to complete because we kept running out of hot water. DJ got impatient and started heating water in the electric kettle and using that. But it got done eventually, and it was worth it. Good times.

Friday
Was Sarah's farewell bash. I woke up with an absolutely monstrous headache, and I couldn't imagine why! I had only had a couple of glasses of wine...I really couldn't figure it out. And I felt miserable! At work I did some Google research, and found something out: red wine has a special toxin that isn't present in any other wines, I think it's called tyramine--or something like that--and the cheaper the red wine, the more tyramine is in it. Add that to the general principle that the cheaper of any type of alcoholic beverage, the more toxins will be in it and the more likely you'll be to feel it in the morning. Anyway--whatever we were drinking with dinner the night before must have been about 90% tyramine becuase I'd had so little and my head felt like it was being sledgehammered. :-(. Or maybe the headache actaully was something else..I don't know. Either way, I held off taking any type of painkiller until I got back from work.

Before going home for the day, I stopped at Adecco. Sarah who is temping there told me to come in, becuase Adecco would certainly be able to find a good job for someone with my experience upon my return to York after my week's vacation. I was excited because Bridge (wo got me the Benenden job) and Kelly Services (didn't seem too optimistic when I talked to them). The Adecco ladies were fabulous, and flat-out told me that they'shave a good job for me--possibly with the British govt. here in York, at the city centre, and possibly paying £7.50/h!! that's almost £2 more than that I was making at Benenden...wow. So I left there feeling pretty good.

Got ready and went to Wetherspoon's for dinner. They're a chain pub 1 minute's walk from the hostel and they offer so-so food at cheap prices. What more could I ask for...:-). The company and food was great. Helen, Sarah's co-worker from Adecco and the one who had been helping me out, came along! She was great. And this guy named Ed who Sarah knew all the way back to Hobart, Tasmania (he is currently living in London) surprised her and showed up! I ate a burger, forgetting that it was Friday and Lent and I wasn't supposed to eat meat. I felt bad...but then I considered that I almost never eat meat these days--that McDonald's had been an exception--and, well, life goes on.

After Wetherspoons we stopped back at the hostel. Finally biting the bullet, I shed my coat and purse. We all did, becuase as per Sarah's farewell wish we were headed to a club, and there is never any space--let alone a safe space--to put down your things at these places. LuckilyYork is a small town and we didn't have to be in the cold for too long. Kennedy's--this would now be my third time here--wasn't crowded when we got there, but was to become so as the night wore on. Helen and I got into a good conversation as best we could over the blaring music. She talked about how her husband proposed to her right before he had to go away to Bosnia for 6 months (army). She talked about her baby girl. It was nice. Oh...and she bought me my first Sapphire tonic in months. I never thought of myself as being that much of a drinker that I could differentiate between gins, but wow. Could I taste the difference! I just found it interesting.

We danced for a while. The DJ was only so-so and kept playing lousy 70s crap that nobody really liked. Nick and Sarah complained a lot at first but I noticed the complaining lessen the more they drank. And boy did they drink a ton... Ed and Christine danced together most of the night. Helen, Meimei and I stepped abck and watched the show, dancing occasionally when a song we liked came on. Then my feet started to hurt and Meimei and I went and sat in the VIP booth. We talked for a while, about boys and underwear (giggle giggle. that's a joke, mind you). Then we realized we were tired, and kind of wanted to head back. So we said goodbye to Nick and Sarah, who probably didn't notice because they were too drunk, and headed out and went straight to sleep. I was glad; it was only 1.

Saturday
I was so happy I had gone home. Sarah was up and about and nursing a hangover. Nick wasn't showing any signs of waking up soon at 10:30. I went out for a nice breakfast with Sarah and Ed. It was nice, except I hadn't talked to him much the night before and now that I was, i realized that was a good thing. He is one of those individuals who thinks of himself as very cultured and refined and knows everything about wine and cheese and clothes and those who don't are clearly beneath him...so that vibe was unpleasant. I wondered how he and Sarah were such good friends. But the food was good, and the waiter nice. Outside the restaurant, we saw the man and his upright piano--he's downtown every weekend--, playing showtunes as usual. Today's choices were "I Dreamed a Dream" and "On My Own" from Les Mis, and "I Don't Know How To Love Him" from JC Superstar. Too bad he was playing in the keys he felt like and not keys they were written in for singing....actaully, that was just fine. I'm sure the passers-by didn't need to hear me karaoke haha. It might have been fun, though. I took a film.

After that I returned back to the hostel, while Sarah and Ed went to go pick up her car from the shop. She got home, finished packing, and I went with her to this secondhand store to drop off some of her clothes that she didn't want anymore. And I bought a VHS of Monsoon Wedding--it was only £2. Sarah took off after that, and it suddenly felt quite lonely in Micklegate House.

I went down to the kitchen with my laptop, put on The Aviator and drew. I like to draw with movies on on the background, and the kitchen is the only place besides the women's washroom that has good enough light for drawing. I worked on thispicture I'm doing til I needed a break. Christine came in and started cooking dinner. It was then that I got the bright idea that she should watch Monsoon Wedding with me, because in two weeks she is GOING TO INDIA (Bombay) to attend her friend's wedding. So we and a buch of others watched Monsoon Wedding together--everyone loved it!! An added cool thing was that the girl getting married in the movie is named Aditi, and that is Christine's friend's name as well.

After that we lounged around some...i met a girl who is from Chicago and getting her master's from Cambridge. I told her about my car search and strongly suggested Hyundais because they have a 10-year warranty and can be as cheap as $10-11k new. And the cars don't suck. The reason the warranty is so good is that in years past the cars did suck, but about 6-7 years ago the company turned around but to encourage people to buy they had to offer these warranties. A new Hyundai for $11k with a 10-year/100,000mi warranty vs. a used Toyota for the same price with 40k miles on it? Hmmmmm...the plot thickens.

Anyway, then she and her friend wanted to watch Braveheart. We wanted to stay up all night becuase that night there was a total lunar eclipse. I didn't make it through all of Braveheart, but I did wake up at 12:30 purely by accident and saw the eclipse. It was neat. The last time I remember seeing one was sometime in high school, same time of year. Cool.

Sunday
Was boring. I drew, ate, and waited ALL DAY for the TV so that I could watch a movie. At 10:30pm I finally had it free. I had a strange hankering to watch the 3-hr epic JFK. I told myself I'd only watch half, but, well...I didn't get to bed til 1:30. It happens.

Now I'm stewing. I am nervous for Mom's CAT scan results, which won't come out until Tuesday. I am scared...

Weekend of Vikings and beaches and holes in the ground

2007-02-19T07:19:00.000-06:00

so, where to begin?

well, i guess I'll just list.

Friday:
enjoyed a Yorkshire Terrier--my first local brew--with Sarah after work. I drew her a crude map of Los Angeles using two buiness cards, which she now will not give back to me. McDonald's for dinner...yeah. Had door duty that night; since the hostel was full I didn't get much sleep--had to deal with a lot of drunk people stumbling around in the lobby at all hours of the night and morning. I got MAYBE 5 hours of sleep total that night/morning, til it was

Saturday:
Went to the Viking Festival with Naomi and Christine. The town was crowded, muchlike I expect it is every day ofthe summer during tourist season. It was a lot like a Renaissance Faire, lots of fun foods and the occasional person dressed up in Viking garb or at leats wearing the horn helmet. But basically when I go to a festival it's to eat eat eat...so that's what I did. We did do some perusing of traditional Norse arts and crafts in a medieval house called the Barley House whcih normally costs £5 to get in and this day was reduced to £1. We stopped in the Christmas store to buy my plush flower, because after a week I still could not resist the temptation to buy one. It is very cute, its name is either Marjorie or Sunshine (haven't quiet decided).

After that, FOOD TIME. There was an international market with the most amazing selection of foods, all of which it was VERY difficult to pass by. I was disappointed, however, by the lack of any Norse or at least Scandinavian foods. No lefse, no rummegrot, or lutefisk (not that I would have eaten any of that), or Swedish meatballs, or pepparkakor...oh well. I ended up eating a bratwurst. Then we had milkshakes--I had strawberry and Skittles which youd think would be nasty but actaully tasted very good indeed. We then walked over to the Museum Gardens to watch a hundred or two guys dressed in Viking garb stand around and shout (seriously...that's all they did. they said "death to the saxons" and things like that) for about 20 minutes, and then walk off. We headed back tothe market and I bought a French potato-and-bacon dish for dinner. Spent the rest of the evening chatting, playing catch (seriously) in the lobby with Naomi, Sarah and D.J...and we all called it an early night because...

Sunday
was our trip to Whitby! We (myself, Sarah, Becs, Naomi, + Meimei once she joined us) got to Sarah's car (parked at Meimei's house which is about 30 minutes' walk away) at a little after 10, had to stop for gas and oil, and then were on our way finally at around 11. The drive was gorgeous--dramatic English countryside, I finally got to see what a moor looks like. We passed by a HUGE hole called the Hole of Horcum--literally massive, the size of a meteor hole, which we found out later was caused by landslides. We passed over hill and dale (seriously, I'm not just being cute) for about an hour going as fast as Wally (yeah, Sarah named her car. it's a red 1991 VW Golf. im not naming my future car except to call it sarcastic names and insults) could handle, and in a little over an hour we got to Whitby.

What a gorgeous, stereotypical English seaside town. Beautiful cliffs and beaches, with the ruins of the Abbey on the big cliff. The river Esk empties out into the North Sea in Whitby, so you get double the water body, double the fun. More fish-and-chips places than you can shake a stick at, and no shortage of gimmicky attractions such as fortune tellers, wax museums and the like either. I think we picked one of the yummier fish-and-chips places, but it was partially ruined forme only because the music of choice in the place was Sarah Brightman Sings Broadway's Best or some horrible thing. I abhor Sarah Brightman. But the food was excellent. And then I had cotton candy for dessert.

Then, to work off all the grease from the fish-n-chips and the sugar from the cotton candy, we walked the 199 steps to the cliff where St Mary's church adn Whitby Abbey ruins are located. It is in this amazing graveyard dating abck to I would guess the 19th century and a little earlier. The gravetones are mottled and corroded from the salt, which gives them an amazing eerie look. The view was incredible--sea, river, town. Look on my Facebook to see pictures. There was a group of goth-dressed people doing a photo shoot in the graveyard, which cracked us up. They looked like teenagers, doing promo pics for their poser goth band, haha.

Naomi and Sarah did the abbey tour. I probably should have, but wanted to save my money, plus my camera had just broken for good and I wanted to try and mess with it. So Becs and Meimei and I sat in a coffee shop and did a little window shopping. I was now in sadder spirits because my camera is now in bad shape and will probably need expensive repairs. :-(.

We left after that, as it was getting to be near sunset and chilly. It was chilly the whole way home too; it had to be kept cold or the windows would bloody fog up. We hit a spot of traffic on the way back into York--I don't think it even would count as traffic in LA, however. ;-)

Day ended alright. I boxed up my poor camera to be sent back to the US, praying--and I am still praying--that it makes it OK and that it won't be too expensive to repair and that Canon is OK with there not being an original receipt of purchase. SIIIIGH. I ate some chocolate, some dinner and nodded off...the end.

No Sugar Tonight

2007-02-14T05:10:00.000-06:00

1) in my coffee: I'm cutting back.

2) in my tea: see #1

3) to stand beside me: sugar sculptures were eaten by me. Hence #1 and #2.

4) to run with me: they were only scultpures and could not move.

Alright, enough nonsense.

Little enough has gone on in the past week, sadly, mostly because of the weather. We dealt with the large group of crazy juniors from Notre Dame who are studying abroad in London. Saturday consisted of staying in because of the weather, finally braving the weather to go to Evil Eye for a few minutes to download Phyllis' Weddnig, and then helping myself to a G& T while watching the espisode in the privacy of my special room. I DJ'd in the bar that night, and that led to some trouble. Some of the guys--I dunno if it's because I was trying to be friendly to them or what (a few went to my high school!), but they decided to bitch when I played Gwen Stefani...the girls of course loved it, but the boys went behind the bar and started manhandling my iPod. I was absolutely enraged, because 1) you do not go behind the bar 2) you do NOT put your hands on my property without my permission. So that night ended badly, but all things considered it was an OK day.

Next day was alright, I went shopping with Sarah. Got some food and other things, and she bought a car!! Methinks cars are in general cheaper here in the UK than in the US...I'm not kidding. It's weird. I found a really cute store in the York city centre that sells toys, and it has a player piano in it! It was playing the most cheery, bouncy tunes and it made me totally happy. I took a video. They also sold in this store these plush flowers with smily faces on them, and bendable stems. I might just have to buy one if the weather does not improve, because I absolutely cannot look at those things and not be cheery.

Last night I went out for sushi with the gang--meaning the 3 Americans and all the Aussies (Me, Christine, Becs being the three Americans and Naomi, Sarah + 3 new ones being the Aussies). Vudu lounge was across the street so we went there for drinks first...and Becs had a Sapphire tonic and let me have some...so it was my first Sapphire Tonic probably since December and it made me happy. Inspired by the menu's offer of a drink called the Multiple Screaming Orgasm, Sarah and Becs and I toasted Valentine's Day and the sexual toys that get us through it. This was followed by sashimi and chicken katsu at Buzz, a very trendy Japanese place. Expensive, but worth it. There wasn't really any variety of rolls, however, and so I missed CA Roll Factory and Pier 2 Sushi. The highlight of the evening was Becs putting all of the ginger in her mouth at once--she had never had Japanese food before--and seeing her face turn red and eyes water. Poor thing--that ginger was terrbily strong.

I'm sitting here at work with not a whole lot to say. York's Viking Festival starts today, and I've decided to go on the comedic walking tour called Park and Raid tomorrow evening. Ought to be amusing...I figure I should celebrate my Norwegian heritage a little. Tonight I can't go out and join in on the Valentine's Day/Men-Are-Black-Mold festivities of the night because I'm on door duty. It's more than OK, though, the wallet needs a break. And I've been called "love", "my dear," "my love" and "sweetheart" about 50 times already today by all the people who phone in to Benenden. Yeah they're strangers. And my own family can't manage to communicate. But that's another story for another day.

Before I go, 2 more observations about the British that I've noticed and find amusing/intriguing/maybe slightly daft.

1) Where an American would say as a casual greeting, "How are you doing?", the Brit says, "Are you alright?" They actually say it a lot. It takes getting used to, because as an American I want to answer, "Yeah, why?"

2) They refer to themselves wtih title and last name only, when identifying themselves for businesses or to strangers, which I find odd. Like, a woman will call our company here and clearly she doesn't know who she's talking to and she's going to have to give us her information so we can identify her. But she calls and says, "Hello, my name is Mrs. Smith and I want..." or a guy will say, "This is Mr. Bradford here and I want to change my address." It sounds a bit odd to my ears, because in the US you wouldn't get this. Having done a fair amount of phone answering there as well, people in the US will give their full name--like "Hi, I'm Josefina Rodriguez" or "This is Joseph Douglas here"--whereas in England you'd get "Miss Rodriguez" (well not the Rodriguez, but you get the idea) and "Mr. Douglas". Just a little interesting tidbit about the way people communicate here.

Speaking of Rodriguez, I FINALLY found La Fiesta Mechicana. Absolutely can't wait to go and see what they've got.

well it had to happen sooner or later

2007-02-07T03:38:00.000-06:00

some things about these Brits piss me off. I knew it would happen eventually.

this whole thing:

Mateja: This is a very nice garden.
Brit: It is, actually.
Mateja: [brain implosion]

I know it ACTUALLY is. thats why i ACTUALLY said so.
...No seriously. do you think adding "actually" to everything makes you sound smart, or fancy? It ACTUALLY makes you sound like a douchebag.

....i think the lack of tacos is getting to me.

the good weekend.

2007-02-05T05:40:00.001-06:00

This weekend the weather was stunning. Not the temperature, necessarily…but the weather. There was sunshine all day Saturday and Sunday, which made for excellent walking-around time. I was somewhat tired on Saturday morning after a chilly night spent doing the evening door shift at the hostel, but I was rested enough to shower, put on some nicer-looking clothes and hit the medieval City Walls that surround York…with my camera. Yes, my York documentary was conceived at 10:20, greenlighted at 10:22, and production began at about 11:30 (after hair and makeup, naturally). Sadly, I didn’t make much of a dent in filming because my camera ran out of memory AND battery not long after filming began. I still managed to get some decent shots, however, the best having the background sound of York Minster’s noontime bells.

Once filming was halted, I stopped at the York Hog Roast and got the most amazing lunch—a roll with pork, applesauce and stuffing inside. It was heavenly—and I ate it outside in King’s Square while watching a really funny street performer escape from chains and a straightjacket. I tipped him a pound because I was in such a good mood.

I walked the city walls more after that, just looking at the rooftops of York in the sunshine while Los Angeles was blasting on my iPod. Yeah…I really should stop with that thing because most of the songs on the playlists I like acutely remind me of this time and that time…and for some reason at this time it was just one song after another that made me think of California, or LA. And the sunshine added to that. But it was so beautiful I couldn’t stay in a bad mood.

I laid low until later that evening, when I was forced to eat soup and broccoli for dinner because someone had stolen my spaghetti. They had also eaten HALF of my Gloucester cheese. Ugh. Anyway, then my roommate Sarah and I got ready for our planned “night on the town.” We behaved like girls, trying on outfits and putting makeup on. It was pretty darn amusing to everyone else in the room. We got to the Vudu Lounge early, before it got too crowded. It is a very classy bar (there are a lot of very classy bars in York—this town has a booming night life for its size—looks like I found the perfect place!), and Sarah bought the first round of drinks. Purely by chance and not for reasons of nostalgia, I ordered a Beverly Hills Iced Tea…basically a Long Island but with champagne in it too. Sarah had a Los Angeles Iced Tea, which had Midori (ew). I thought those drink choices were rich. We moved on to Cosmopolitans after that. We didn’t have very much luck with the men…there were a lot around but none coming up and talking to us. I found that to be quite a travesty. But we had some great talks (much as we could over the DJ noise), and ogled the bartenders who were doing all sorts of acrobatic tricks with the drinks they were pouring. I wish I could post pictures.

After that we headed to another club, called Kennedy’s. Its top two floors are classy restaurant/bar, and the basement is another bar and a dance floor. So guess where we went. Basement + tequila slammers + Greatest Hits of 2006 (“hung up” being the highlight of the evening) = Happy Mateja. Until my stiletto boots started getting the better of me, and it got so crowded you couldn’t turn around without hitting someone. So we left and I opted to walk barefoot home. We stopped at a takeaway place for some chips (meaning fries, of course) and onion rings.
Today I did a little more walking around, this time to grocery shop. I got lunch for the same Pork Roast place again, which made me super happy. (I noticed a sign on the wall there today that says that they use “rape oil” in their stuffing. Rape oil?? That sounds so wrong…) What also made me happy was that I got all the food I needed for the week for under 10 pounds! I made an excellent stir-fry this evening, for example. Oh—and on the walk back, I discovered the York version of the Restoration Hardware shortcut from the 3rd Street parking lots to the actual Promenade. Same thing—parking lot through a posh furniture store to a no-cars shopping thoroughfare. What a small world, eh?

So I got back, sorted all my food, scribbled my name all over it and hit it waaaay in the back of the fridge. Then Sarah and I walked all the way to Holgate, past my work, to visit our friend Meimei who had just moved into her new apt. It is a cute little place, and she seems happy with it. We chatted for a while, then came home and made plans with Christine to try and watch the Superbowl tonight. I made my stir-fry and drank tea which miraculously cured the throbbing headache I’d had all day (hangover? Nope, serious caffeine withdrawal!). I opted out of a game of Monopoly. Bleargh.

Up in my room, I got into a discussion with this very friendly Chinese girl staying in here. She translated the LauZoo t-shirts and laughed. She’s a really sweet girl, and told me I was “very brave” to come over here all by myself and find a job and everything. She’s a sweetie.

So here I am sitting here, about to go downstairs and make sure what’s left of my Gloucester cheese is still there, and make sure my name is on it. Maybe I’ll make my lunch for tomorrow, too. Before this entry is over I’ll add on who won the Super Bowl. If the Colts win, Becca (works here, is from Indiana) will not let me forget it. Bear down, Chicago Bears!!!

….

Stupid Bears. But I did have a really good time watching the Game with Jaqui and Christine. We drank Buds, ate pizza and CHILI!! And we found hot wings in the fridge. Didn’t eat them, but liked that we had the option. We interspersed the game with singalongs to all the music from the South Park movie. It was great. Went to bed at 2:30am not knowing who won….and when I woke up I avoided everyone so that I could find out on my own at work.

…and I did. And I swore out loud.

Still—good weekend.

the North Yorkshire brogue...

2007-02-01T08:53:00.000-06:00

...is, if you hear a real one, hard to understand. it's its own separate language nearly! it is my mission this weekend to find one.

i heard a couple smidgens yesterday and i have developed a taste. The lady who sits nest to me here asked if I needed "summat paper"..in Facilities some guy came in asking if something was supposed to be delivered "innut car park." The funniest was when I kept hearing a lady say in frustration, "where are my khakis? where the bloody hell could my khakis be?" I was thinking to myself, how can it be so hard to forget where you put a pair of pants? ...and then it dawned on me, she was saying her car keys.

i also heard a couple of fellas in Facilities trading stories about their childhood days in what sounded like the British equivalent of JROTC. One guy kept talking about two characters named Freak Michaels and Corporal Jim. Sounded like a comic strip!! They were trading stories about what pranks they sued to pull and such, it was so great i purposely sorted the mail verrry slowly, so i could listen and soak in the "local color".

I had my first overnight door shift last night. not too busy, but im sure when i do ti again on friday i wont be getting much sleep. ach, well, such is the price for free rent.

....i hope someone wants to go out for a drink with me tonight. to celebrate my new haircut i plan on getting.

...wait.

2007-01-30T10:53:00.000-06:00

wait, i actually dont think i have anything of interest to say.

FUCK.

well, the only news i can think of is that i get to go home in 7 minutes, and on the way contemplate what to have for dinner. gotta save those pizzounds (wow...that sounds wrong) for the vudu lounge or someplace like that.

i think i scared everyone i talked to on the phone today with my american accent. the conversations always went something like this:

*ring ring*

ME: good morning/afternoon, benenden healthcare, how may i direct your call?
PERSON: (loooooong pause) ....uh......? is this--i mean--uh.... [and then they finally launch]

i think they think theyve dialled (yes i spelt it the brit way) America. stupid wankers, ha.

happy aussie day, happy job-starting day

2007-01-29T11:38:00.000-06:00

friday consisted of becoming an honorary Aussie. i had a bundy & coke, a vegemite sandwich ( ew), minties, and Snakes Alive! watched old aussie soaps on the big-screen TV and had a cry over some steve irwin footage. also played a drinking game wherein one had to periodically stand up and sing the chorus to a famous australian song--i damn near had their national anthem memorized by the end of the night. after that, returned to our beloved basement bar and danced around to old 70s tunes with Christine and a couple of French girls. all in all, it was a very veyr fun friday.

saturday was shopping and laundry day, nothing much to report there, except that thanks to on-sale Herbal Essences my hair is on its way to recovery. i laid down (food coma from the the very fatty fish and chips i had for lunch) and read Wicked for longer than i meant to, then went grocery shopping with Christine. We cooked a lovely pasta dinner and had some excellent conversation with D.J., yet another Aussie here at the hostel. Back in Australia, he works as a butcher. Also spent a fair amount of time with this really nice Asian chick from Canada, whose name I never learned. She doesnt seem to be liking it here too much, and last night she got some sort of skin itch, so I have a feeling shes going to take off. She was really cool but had a saliva thing--she talks like the Sloth in Ice Age. so the evening went on with talking, and christina said she was interested in coming to Slovenia with me (I want to go at the end of March when my Benenden stint is over).

Sunday--nyeh until about 3, when I went to Evil Eye to meet Alayne, a girl I almost flatmated with here. Shes from Edinburgh, goes to school in Bristol every other week and works here in York for flood prevention, or some craziness like that. She was nice. After that I went to Taizé in the Minster, which was lamer than I had hoped. :-(. I think I need a service with a bit more structure to feel like I've actually done something with my spiritual self. And I didn't even relax that much, sadly, because I was so worked up about work tomorrow. The evening ended OK. I took out The Cable Guy to watch in the TV room, went upstairs to grab a sweatshirt, and when I came back down the TV was taken. That made me a little mad.

Work today: a lot to take in. I think my head is going to explode, so I dont want to write about it yet. Ill see how tomorrow goes, and see how much I can decompress during rehearsal tonight (#3-- we should be getting to Lacrimosa tonight. yay!!)

...speaking of which, I must be off to snarf up my dinner and then get to rehearsal on time. I know this wasnt a particularly entertaining blog, because im in a hurry and have to go. but heres something funny Ill leave you with:

last night in the showers I found a bottle of Vagisial Feminine Cleansing Gel. We don't have that in the USA as far as I know. Further proof that Eurpeans are whores (joke!!!!). I have narrowed it down to 2 people here to whom it could belong.

cheers for now. read and comment.

advance, australia fair

2007-01-26T04:36:00.000-06:00

Boy am I tired this morning.
Last night I couldn't wait to post this blog and now I'm tired as hell and want to lay my head down on my deak and snooze. I just haven't been getting enough hours of sleep, for one reason or another. I think a lot of it has to do with that the springs are popping out of my mattress and digging into me, so finding a comfortable position to sleep in is kinda difficult. that, and i keep watching TV episodes on my laptop instead of actively trying to get shuteye. I keep thinking it it'll lull me to sleep but I think it actually prevents me from sleeping. Sad.

So yesterday...
I had slightly--and when i say slightly I really mean slightly--more work to do at Benenden. So I didn't completely do other things all day, and yet still about 92% of the day was spent reading stories and spec scripts on fanfiction.net, and putting my 2c (pence, now?) worth in--just like how I used to waste time in high school.

On lunch break I got 2 pieces of good news. One, HSBC was able to take all my info over the phone for my bank account, to expedite the process when I came in later. And two, Bridge did manage to get me the 8-week receptionist job at the same place I'm at now, Benenden. Jamie my consultant at Bridge is actually a really cool guy, and always calls and asks how I'm doing etc. An HR rep from Benenden came to speak to me in the afternoon and introduced me to the new people I'd be working with. They're doing reception and customer service, so they're more friendly than the IT lot. Still, Brits are Brits I guess, and I have to remind myself of that every time I feel a little taken aback that they're acting "cold" to me.

After work I went to HSBC to open a checking account. I discover that they can only give me the Basic Bank Account, the lowest of the low. They told me it was because the letterhead on my proof of address letter is not "official", because it was printed off the same printer the letter itself was printed on (it's not stationery), and I guess anyone could just print the Micklegate House letterhead. So my debit card can only be used to draw money out--I can't debit anything onto it. I guess I'll just count myself lucky to have an account at all, becuase without one I ain't gettin no paycheck.

Dinnertime and beyond...
So I'm trying this new thing of NOT spending the equivalent of $25/day on food. I went to Budgens (small convenience/grocery store by where I live) and got dinner for £1.32. Of course, in the US you could get more than a can of chicken soup and a tiny baguette for that much money, but well, this is Britain. And the soup was good.

There is a girl staying in my room at the hostel whom I've gotten to know pretty well over the past few days. Her name is April and shes from Australia (there are TONS of Aussies in the hostel and everywhere else here!). She has been giving me all this job-searching advice, because she was a recruiter for 5 years and knows the system very well. She's looking for jobs too, but is more demanding than me and will most likely leave for better prospects in Edinburgh on Monday. She's been traveling and working for the last 6 months and is going to go right on doing so--her next major stopping point is Canada. She lives in hostels and loves it; she was the one who inspired me to stay at the hostel I'm at now.

We ran into each other at dinner, and also ran into two more Aussies who are looking for work here, and we all decided that it would be fun to go on one of York's famed Ghost Walks that evening.

Be sure to bring your death certificate...

Since York is a really old city--it was Celt, then it was the Roman garrison town of Eboracum, then the Viking city of Jorvik--naturally it has a lot of haunted history. There are 3 or 4 ghost walk tours you can choose from, and they seriously happen every night "whatever the weather." We opted for the one departing from York Minster. Now you have to understand it's an outdoor tour, it's 20-something degrees outside (not really sure, haven't figuerd out how to convert yet), pitch black...so I guess it's a good atmosphere for a ghost story tour.

The tour guide was this older guy with longish white hair and glasses, British to the core, and dressed in Dickens-type clothing, complete with shawl, top hat and cane (think Ebenezer Scrooge). I thought it would be hokey, but this guy was really really talented, amazing deep voice (he says in the summers he gets groups of up to 150 and has to project to all of them) and gave just the right mixture of chilling stories and jokes. You could really tell he loves doing these tours. And some of the stories were really, really creepy. My favorite was the story of the plague house opposite the minster where the entire family died except for one little girl, two or three years old. When the men came to board up the house, they saw the little girl, and for fear of catching the plague from her they boarded up the house with her still inside. For some tiem later people on the street could see her rapping from her window, the one that wasnt boarded up because it was too high, but they also saw the red cross on the door and kept walking. She eventually died of course, and proceeded to haunt the house: people who lived in there later heard crying noises, moaning, etc. Eight years ago a family moved in there, and their young son got the room where the girl used to look out from. And one night not too long after moving in, the mom was tucking the son in when he said "Mum, don't let the little girl sit on my bed again tonight." That kind of stuff freaks me out!

...And there were various other tales of that ilk. It was really fun. The three Aussies and I walked home. They fell to talking about Australia and I found out it was Australia Day the next day (today), and all the Aussies are gonna invade the pubs and get pissed (to them, "pissed" means completely trashed). We went for hot chocolate in the kitchen where we met a girl from Montreal and we started talking about traveling to Canada, and skiing, and scuba diving, and what "Yabo" Aussies are. They're the stereotypical ones that say "fair dinkum" and "crikey" and stuff like that--the true Steve Irwins. They're like Southern hicks in America.

So...
I think that's all there is to say for now. Bridge has thankfully gotten my bank info, and they will get my tax forms etc. tomorrow, and hopefully my HSBC card arrives in the mail by this time next week.

Feelin aiiight today for the most part. I wish it wasn't so cold--well, I wish I had better clothing for the cold. I have a shopping list which includes:

laundry detergent
bounce (or whatever they have here)
lip balm
flip flops (yeah good luck with that. might have to take my chances...)
tights
notebook
face wash
thermal gloves
cheap wine

which means I go to M&S, Boots, and Budgens. It's all good--gotta drop off tax forms and junk to Bridge anyway.

Right I'm sure that really concerns you.

So like I said, doin good. Sometimes memories of home or CA pop into my head and I get a little tug at the ol' heartstrings. Things get better every day but you're never really going to stop missing home or the people there. You just hope they are the same and don't forget you eaither (you hear that? talkin to YOU!!) haha.

read and comment, my good people

well well well, post #1

2007-01-24T09:59:00.000-06:00

sadly, this can't be a terribly long one.

then again, why not? My temp gig here at Benenden Heath Care is woefully devoid of any type of work--so I've basically been surfing the net all day.

Whoever bothers to read this already knows that I've relocated, for the sheer hell of it so it would seem, to York, England. I've been here for two and a half weeks now (in the UK for almost a month), and I'm still getting settled owing to the fact that I was fired from my au pair job (good riddance to bad rubbish, I say) and am now doing temp work. This data entry gig only lasts until Friday...then I'm out "on the street" again.

When I say I'm exhausted, I do mean exhausted. Because the way it seems to have been working is that my days are a nonstop rollercoaster of ups and downs. A really good thing happens, a really bad thing happens, and the pendulum just keeps swinging. And I'm still getting settled.

i was looking at flats, and there are two that I could probably move into tomorrow if I wanted, but last night I had a bit of a breakthrough and am thinking of living in the hostel where I'm currently staying. It's a nice place, NOT like those horrid visions of hostels as homeless shelters that most Americans have. This hostel is really nice, great amenities, always lots of cool people to meet, and two other USA girls over here on BUNAC, same as me. And the hostel is as centrally located as you can get, something I desperately need as a temp. If i get sick of the hostel, i can always find something else...but when I'm ready. Eliminating the flat-search rush is probably the best thing I can do for myself right now, especially when the job situation is up in the air as well.

Other news--York University Choir is going nicely. I wish we rehearsed more than once a week, just because it's such a good outlet for me. Maybe I'll find another one or two to join as well. Im lucky to be getting to sing Mozart's K. 626 (the famed Requiem) twice in 5 years, and in York Minster no less. Of course, it did cost me £45. But everything is so expensive here I'm starting to learn to just roll with those punches. And eat less often.

So, what else is there to say? So far here I've been an au pair and hated it, gotten out of that, signed up with two temp agencies (soon to be more if I don't have work lined up for Monday), been to J.D. Wetherspoon's Grill Night twice, had my first pint of Strongbow, had my first Tom Collins (yes i KNOW it's January) at the Evil Eye Lounge (my favorite hangout so far), had a nasty Frenchman try to snog me, fallen asleep at a rock concert in Durham, experienced the joys of Skype, and lost my blue bra.

...on a less light note, i guess, although not dark by any means, I do find myself missing home a lot sometimes. I miss California's warmth and sunshine, and familiar people and faces. It's awesome to meet and make new friends but sometimes you just want an old one to lean on. Sometimes you also want sushi and Mexican food.

Please keep in touch, everyone--I promise my blogs will be cooler adn more descriptive in the future, I just didn't want to type an encyclopedia here when everything will make itself apparent in time. If there's one thing I learned about myself, it's that things come out best when they flow freely and not out of stress or obligation.