monday blues

i guess the monday blues is at it again.

this week the company bigwigs are in town (I'm at work right now) and they are handing out the pink slips like they are going out of business (no pun intended). i've been old that I'm "OK", however accurate that is, but that apparently our department still "might be affected." I'm afraid to think about what that means especially with the holidays coming up etc.

I should not even care. I should be happy to take the severance should I get fired.

I'm in such an awkward position because our dept can't afford to lose any more people. And I want to quit. Great. Though I don't know how smart quitting is these days.

I am trying to stop reading certain blogs today. Most of the time these blogs really cheer me up,; I love reading the insights that some of these people have, and about their lives, and seeing the pictures etc. But today I just feel beaten down, worthless, the whole shebang.

These people have houses, nice cars, spouses who make shitloads of money. And they are only a couple of years older than me!

I know comparisons suck. And I'm not saying I need a husband or I need money or Hawaii vacations to be happy. I'm just saying I feel a little defeated right now. Deflated. Directionless. Confused. Sad. Angry. Anxious.

...you know. All of those things.