My grandpa's cancer is back. I know that this should not be hitting me as hard as it apparently is; I mean he's 89 years old, he's been ill for quite some time, and, really we just know that his time for rest is drawing near.
Maybe that's not the part that bothers me. What bothers me is more of a selfish thing--that I have for months, maybe a year, been churning inside about returning to the Midwest, to be closer to my loved ones. Now I finally make the big decision to do it, and now it's a race against the clock. I don't have all the time I thought I did.
I'm here in LA and I feel powerless. I may not make it back in time.
I am homesick, yes, but I was willing to wait it out. After all, I have $800 worth of grad school applications to complete, and a lease until February. But now, with Grandpa's situation having changed so dramatically, seemingly overnight (they took his driving privileges away. When I saw him a month ago, he was driving wonderfully. He just bought a new Mercedes. This hurts)...well, now I don't feel so confident about waiting.
I feel like I've let everyone down.
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