I could have become a preacher
To save a world that sucks
Instead I became a teacher
To make those big big bucks
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Everybody Loves Rømmegrøt
I made Rømmegrøt, a traditional Norwegian Christmas treat, for a Holiday food contest today at work. It didn't quite win the contest (Californians were scared away by the dish of melted butter), but it still killed. So I thought I would share the recipe:
Ingredients:
1 qt. milk
1 c. half & half
1 c. butter
3/4 c. flour
1/2 c. granulated white sugar
Topping:
1 c. butter, melted
cinnamon
sugar
1) Heat milk and half & half; do not scorch, set aside (I kind of wait until it's rather warm and just starting to get that "cooking milk" smell/taste
2) In large, preferably heavier pan, melt 1 cup butter and add flour. Cook about 5 minutes, stirring constantly.
3) Pour in milk, stirring frequently until mixture bubbles and thickens.
4) Stir in sugar.
5) To serve, top with melted butter, cinnamon, and sugar.
NOTE: Rømmegrot can be frozen for longer storage. It can also be kept warn and served from a crock pot on "low"
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| From Random |
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| From Random |
Ingredients:
1 qt. milk
1 c. half & half
1 c. butter
3/4 c. flour
1/2 c. granulated white sugar
Topping:
1 c. butter, melted
cinnamon
sugar
1) Heat milk and half & half; do not scorch, set aside (I kind of wait until it's rather warm and just starting to get that "cooking milk" smell/taste
2) In large, preferably heavier pan, melt 1 cup butter and add flour. Cook about 5 minutes, stirring constantly.
3) Pour in milk, stirring frequently until mixture bubbles and thickens.
4) Stir in sugar.
5) To serve, top with melted butter, cinnamon, and sugar.
NOTE: Rømmegrot can be frozen for longer storage. It can also be kept warn and served from a crock pot on "low"
Friday, November 6, 2009
Monday, October 12, 2009
Some Good Lyrics
'Mid pleasures and palaces though we may roam,
Be it ever so humble, there's no place like home.
A charm from the skies seems to hallow us there,
Which, seek through the world, is ne'er met with elsewhere.
Be it ever so humble, there's no place like home.
A charm from the skies seems to hallow us there,
Which, seek through the world, is ne'er met with elsewhere.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Friday, September 18, 2009
Just in time....
on my cheek. a zit, zit, zit zit, ZIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the likes of which I have not had in years.
thanks a lot, hormones. Y'all are a peach.
the likes of which I have not had in years.
thanks a lot, hormones. Y'all are a peach.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Knedlcki 2009
I made knedlcki (traditionl Slovenian plum dumplings) yesterday, after the long-anticipated arrival of Italian prune plums at Whole Foods. My mom and staramama ("grandma" to those of you non-Slovenian-speakers) always made these every late summer, when the Italian prune plums came into season. My brothers and I looked forward to them every year.
Now I am happy to share my staramama's recipe with you. These are not easy to make by any means, and it has definitely taken me several tries, but if you stick with it and keep a sense of humor, you'll be enjoying these savory-sweet treats in no time!
Ingredients:
*about 2 lbs. Italian prune plums (no other kind will work--trust me on this one. They are only available in late August thorugh September. If you absolutely can't get them, your only other option is extra-small apricots)
*4 good-sized red potatoes
*2 c. breadcrumbs
*1 stick butter
*1 1/2 c. flour (plus plenty extra for dough-kneading and rolling)
*sour cream
*1 egg
*sugar cubes
*salt
Items needed:
*measuring cups
*ricer (I don't have one, so I used a masher and a fork)
*measuing spoons
*rolling pin (I don't have one of these either, so I used a tall glass)
*large pot
*glass baking dish
1) Put on a fun movie to have on in the background; you'll be busy for a while.
2) Peel and wash potatoes, and cut into 1/4ths
3) Cook until soft (approx. 30 mins).
4) While waiting for the potatoes to cook, you can wash and pit some plums. Make sure that when you cut the plums, you leave the two halves attached, like a hinge. Discard pits.
5) Drain, allow pot to sit on low flame until dry (1-2 mins)
6) Press potatoes through ricer. (If you do not have a ricer, use a masher first, and then a fork until the potatoes are smooth and not lumpy. See the pictures below)
7) Add 1 tsp. butter to potatoes, let cool.
8) When cool, add beaten egg, one heaping tsp. sour cream, 1 1/2 c. flour. Mix well.
9) Place dough on floured board and knead for 2 minutes. Use flour as needed to prevent stickiness.
10) Wash, pit & dry rest of the plums. Place one sugar cube in each.
11) Set large pot to boil, adding 1 tsp. salt for each gallon.
12) Roll dough to 1/2 - 1/2" thick, cut into squares. Put one plum in each, seal. (**note: this is by far the most difficult and frustrating part of the process. Just be patient and don't be afraid to use lots of flour)
13) Add dumplings to boiling water--use two pots if necessary OR take turns; dumplings must not be crowded.
14) Cook 10 minutes or until dumplings rise to the surface. Leave at the top for 5 minutes.
15) Preheat over to 350.
16) While dumplings are cooking, make droptinice (fried bread crumbs): melt 1/2 stick butter over low heat, sautee 1/3 c. breadcrumbs (more or less as desired). Spread in glass pan, this:
17) Drain dumplings when done, roll in pan until they are covered with droptinice.
18) Bake for 30 minutes in preheated oven.
19) Take a wee break; you're probably exhausted by now. Clean up a little, and, if you get a chance...
20) Take out when done, and let cool a little.
21) Sprinkle with a little sugar and ENJOY!!!
Now I am happy to share my staramama's recipe with you. These are not easy to make by any means, and it has definitely taken me several tries, but if you stick with it and keep a sense of humor, you'll be enjoying these savory-sweet treats in no time!
Ingredients:
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| From Knedlcki 2009 |
*about 2 lbs. Italian prune plums (no other kind will work--trust me on this one. They are only available in late August thorugh September. If you absolutely can't get them, your only other option is extra-small apricots)
*4 good-sized red potatoes
*2 c. breadcrumbs
*1 stick butter
*1 1/2 c. flour (plus plenty extra for dough-kneading and rolling)
*sour cream
*1 egg
*sugar cubes
*salt
Items needed:
 |
| From Knedlcki 2009 |
*measuring cups
*ricer (I don't have one, so I used a masher and a fork)
*measuing spoons
*rolling pin (I don't have one of these either, so I used a tall glass)
*large pot
*glass baking dish
1) Put on a fun movie to have on in the background; you'll be busy for a while.
 |
| From Knedlcki 2009 |
2) Peel and wash potatoes, and cut into 1/4ths
 |
| From Knedlcki 2009 |
3) Cook until soft (approx. 30 mins).
 |
| From Knedlcki 2009 |
4) While waiting for the potatoes to cook, you can wash and pit some plums. Make sure that when you cut the plums, you leave the two halves attached, like a hinge. Discard pits.
 |
| From Knedlcki 2009 |
 |
| From Knedlcki 2009 |
5) Drain, allow pot to sit on low flame until dry (1-2 mins)
6) Press potatoes through ricer. (If you do not have a ricer, use a masher first, and then a fork until the potatoes are smooth and not lumpy. See the pictures below)
 |
| From Knedlcki 2009 |
 |
| From Knedlcki 2009 |
7) Add 1 tsp. butter to potatoes, let cool.
8) When cool, add beaten egg, one heaping tsp. sour cream, 1 1/2 c. flour. Mix well.
9) Place dough on floured board and knead for 2 minutes. Use flour as needed to prevent stickiness.
10) Wash, pit & dry rest of the plums. Place one sugar cube in each.
11) Set large pot to boil, adding 1 tsp. salt for each gallon.
12) Roll dough to 1/2 - 1/2" thick, cut into squares. Put one plum in each, seal. (**note: this is by far the most difficult and frustrating part of the process. Just be patient and don't be afraid to use lots of flour)
 |
| From Knedlcki 2009 |
 |
| From Knedlcki 2009 |
 |
| From Knedlcki 2009 |
13) Add dumplings to boiling water--use two pots if necessary OR take turns; dumplings must not be crowded.
 |
| From Knedlcki 2009 |
14) Cook 10 minutes or until dumplings rise to the surface. Leave at the top for 5 minutes.
 |
| From Knedlcki 2009 |
15) Preheat over to 350.
16) While dumplings are cooking, make droptinice (fried bread crumbs): melt 1/2 stick butter over low heat, sautee 1/3 c. breadcrumbs (more or less as desired). Spread in glass pan, this:
 |
| From Knedlcki 2009 |
17) Drain dumplings when done, roll in pan until they are covered with droptinice.
18) Bake for 30 minutes in preheated oven.
 |
| From Knedlcki 2009 |
19) Take a wee break; you're probably exhausted by now. Clean up a little, and, if you get a chance...
 |
| From Knedlcki 2009 |
20) Take out when done, and let cool a little.
 |
| From Knedlcki 2009 |
21) Sprinkle with a little sugar and ENJOY!!!
 |
| From Knedlcki 2009 |
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Nor Cal Trip
I have so much fun every time I go up there. It could be said that this particular time, maybe I had a little too much fun?
Ways in which I had too much fun:
1) Flirted with a tow truck driver (well that's giving myself too much credit. But I complimented his truck, and he was a nice guy) and didn't get charged to get my ripped-to-shreds wheel well plastic cut neatly off.
2) Spent *achem* $250 at Nordstrom Rack
3) Watched my friend finally join the "PEN 15 Club" at age 25
4) Spent the better part of two hours flipping sequins on a new pair of shoes
5) Sang Jim Croce songs with Matt in his car--hooray for the Greatest Hits album
6) Sang at the Mission Church, and got to hear friends do some great string playing.
7) Played Flip Cup (was one-for-one 4x in a row, yo!) at a Labor Day BBQ
8) Had a lot to drink and made the beginner's error of not drinking water or eating enough dinner
9) As a result, had possibly the #1 worst hangover of my life the next day (I didn't drink THAT much, though! I'm getting old, you see...)
10) Contracted pinkeye and drove home with one eye basically AWOL.
Ah, but....it was such a good time.
Now, back to grind of grad school apps and other such nonsense. Work and such...
Ways in which I had too much fun:
1) Flirted with a tow truck driver (well that's giving myself too much credit. But I complimented his truck, and he was a nice guy) and didn't get charged to get my ripped-to-shreds wheel well plastic cut neatly off.
2) Spent *achem* $250 at Nordstrom Rack
3) Watched my friend finally join the "PEN 15 Club" at age 25
4) Spent the better part of two hours flipping sequins on a new pair of shoes
5) Sang Jim Croce songs with Matt in his car--hooray for the Greatest Hits album
6) Sang at the Mission Church, and got to hear friends do some great string playing.
7) Played Flip Cup (was one-for-one 4x in a row, yo!) at a Labor Day BBQ
8) Had a lot to drink and made the beginner's error of not drinking water or eating enough dinner
9) As a result, had possibly the #1 worst hangover of my life the next day (I didn't drink THAT much, though! I'm getting old, you see...)
10) Contracted pinkeye and drove home with one eye basically AWOL.
Ah, but....it was such a good time.
Now, back to grind of grad school apps and other such nonsense. Work and such...
Friday, August 28, 2009
Corrction--
the song that I described in my last entry as "a bastardized version of 'Battle Hymn of the Republic'" is actually a real song entitled "Battle Cry of Freedom."
Wow. Titles aren't similar at all, and the melodies are half the same. Heh heh...
Wow. Titles aren't similar at all, and the melodies are half the same. Heh heh...
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
"The people are nice, and shit is FREE!"
Yesterday i decided i wanted to watch the Ken Burns's The Civil War and was griping all the way home about having to pay to rent 9 DVDs or buy the series, until I remembered that in the USA we have a institution known as the PUBLIC LIBRARY....it was, like, a revelation.
Despite the fact that they somehow managed to drop my account (which I only had had for about 6 months, if that) they were still nice.
I got through Vol. 1 and 3 as you can only check out three at a time and vol. 2 was broken (it was a VHS tape and despite my MacGyver skillz I was not able to coax the thing into winding properly, so I missed out on "Fredricksburg to Meridian"--but everyone knows the good stuff didn't start happening until 1862 anyway).
A few observations: maybe it's just because I'm a musician, but I found the b/g music distracting this time around. And it's basically the same three or four songs over and over--that Ashokan Farewell that everyone loves so much, that weird bastardization of "Battle Hymn of the Republic" played on the piano, and some form of "Dixie", fast or slow depending on the subject matter. And I can't help thinking it's really cliche to play those "traditional black chorus" spirituals every time they talk about slavery. Once in a while they throw in some song in a minor key if they are showing pictures of dead and wounded.
I also found myself talking to the screen, like the "black people at the movies" stereotype. That General McClellan, what a puissified idiot. If he had had more guts the war could have been over three years early.
I am looking forward to renting volumes 4-6 today, and engaging in more of these wholesome activities.
And somewhere in there managing to do more work on grad school apps and my personal statements.
P.S. Also started learning the tin whistle last night, the one Dad and Franz brought me back from Colonial Williamsburg. Pretty neat only really soft instrument, and it tired my hands and lips out after about 30 minutes. At the end of a 45-minute session I knew all the notes and could find them semi-fast, so I have been able to manage slow songs such as "Home Sweet Home", "I Dream of Jeannie," "Battle Hymn of the Republic" (well, I had been watching a movie about the Civial War, after all), and faster songs like "Dixie" and "Carlen Is Your Daughter Ready" ast a slow tempo. Good times.
Despite the fact that they somehow managed to drop my account (which I only had had for about 6 months, if that) they were still nice.
I got through Vol. 1 and 3 as you can only check out three at a time and vol. 2 was broken (it was a VHS tape and despite my MacGyver skillz I was not able to coax the thing into winding properly, so I missed out on "Fredricksburg to Meridian"--but everyone knows the good stuff didn't start happening until 1862 anyway).
A few observations: maybe it's just because I'm a musician, but I found the b/g music distracting this time around. And it's basically the same three or four songs over and over--that Ashokan Farewell that everyone loves so much, that weird bastardization of "Battle Hymn of the Republic" played on the piano, and some form of "Dixie", fast or slow depending on the subject matter. And I can't help thinking it's really cliche to play those "traditional black chorus" spirituals every time they talk about slavery. Once in a while they throw in some song in a minor key if they are showing pictures of dead and wounded.
I also found myself talking to the screen, like the "black people at the movies" stereotype. That General McClellan, what a puissified idiot. If he had had more guts the war could have been over three years early.
I am looking forward to renting volumes 4-6 today, and engaging in more of these wholesome activities.
And somewhere in there managing to do more work on grad school apps and my personal statements.
P.S. Also started learning the tin whistle last night, the one Dad and Franz brought me back from Colonial Williamsburg. Pretty neat only really soft instrument, and it tired my hands and lips out after about 30 minutes. At the end of a 45-minute session I knew all the notes and could find them semi-fast, so I have been able to manage slow songs such as "Home Sweet Home", "I Dream of Jeannie," "Battle Hymn of the Republic" (well, I had been watching a movie about the Civial War, after all), and faster songs like "Dixie" and "Carlen Is Your Daughter Ready" ast a slow tempo. Good times.
Monday, August 10, 2009
this is not a negative post :-)
Things are bad but good always comes out of it....my grandma had a health scare on Saturday that brought her to the emergency room....but family has rallied, as they always do, and it seems for the time being that she is OK. This has also now forced her to get outside help for herself and Grandpa. She didn't want to before, and now she has no choice. So this is good.
I can't wait to go to Seattle this weekend; I love going to new places. I can't wait to see my friends next week, and a couple of weeks after that. And most of all...I can't wait to be HOME AGAIN. Be able to take the train and bus instead of car, so I can feel the icy wind rip my body to shreds (I'll be returning in February--brutal!), have coffee over Watertower Place, have an O'Malley's hot dog, see snow, see clouds, see sleet. And drive in it. See winter, spring, summer and fall. Hear those delightful accents. Get mine back (OK, maybe not so much).
I dunno. I was just thinking about that as I sit wondering why a certain person decided to kick me in the ankle this morning. God, if only I could sue.
Then I could get that haircut before this weekend, at the very least.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
The irony is not lost on me...
My grandpa's cancer is back. I know that this should not be hitting me as hard as it apparently is; I mean he's 89 years old, he's been ill for quite some time, and, really we just know that his time for rest is drawing near.
Maybe that's not the part that bothers me. What bothers me is more of a selfish thing--that I have for months, maybe a year, been churning inside about returning to the Midwest, to be closer to my loved ones. Now I finally make the big decision to do it, and now it's a race against the clock. I don't have all the time I thought I did.
I'm here in LA and I feel powerless. I may not make it back in time.
I am homesick, yes, but I was willing to wait it out. After all, I have $800 worth of grad school applications to complete, and a lease until February. But now, with Grandpa's situation having changed so dramatically, seemingly overnight (they took his driving privileges away. When I saw him a month ago, he was driving wonderfully. He just bought a new Mercedes. This hurts)...well, now I don't feel so confident about waiting.
I feel like I've let everyone down.
Maybe that's not the part that bothers me. What bothers me is more of a selfish thing--that I have for months, maybe a year, been churning inside about returning to the Midwest, to be closer to my loved ones. Now I finally make the big decision to do it, and now it's a race against the clock. I don't have all the time I thought I did.
I'm here in LA and I feel powerless. I may not make it back in time.
I am homesick, yes, but I was willing to wait it out. After all, I have $800 worth of grad school applications to complete, and a lease until February. But now, with Grandpa's situation having changed so dramatically, seemingly overnight (they took his driving privileges away. When I saw him a month ago, he was driving wonderfully. He just bought a new Mercedes. This hurts)...well, now I don't feel so confident about waiting.
I feel like I've let everyone down.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Grad School Adventure Part II
| School | |
| 1 | Northwestern University |
| 2 | Indiana University |
| 3 | Purdue University |
| 4 | University of Minnesota |
| 5 | University of Chicago |
| 6 | University of Illinois - Urbana |
| 7 | University of Wisconsin |
| 8 | University of Illinois - Chicago |
| 9 | Ball State University |
| 10 | University of North Dakota |
Friday, July 31, 2009
Grad School Adventure Part I
So far I've:
Narrowed down schools
Begun rough work on personal statement
Asked for letters of recommendation, will get :-)
Still to do:
Really write the personal statements
Look into scholarships/financial aid
Do the apps!
Ask for a couple more letters
Narrowed down schools
Begun rough work on personal statement
Asked for letters of recommendation, will get :-)
Still to do:
Really write the personal statements
Look into scholarships/financial aid
Do the apps!
Ask for a couple more letters
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
back from lake
i arrived back from the lake this morning in the wee small hours.
i feel more terrible than i can express.
i want to go HOME, which isn't here.
you know it's much when your homesickness PHYSICALLY hurts.
i'll be back when i have more pleasant things to say.
i feel more terrible than i can express.
i want to go HOME, which isn't here.
you know it's much when your homesickness PHYSICALLY hurts.
i'll be back when i have more pleasant things to say.
Friday, June 12, 2009
America vs Canada
Now I'm born and raised in Chicago, I love the USA and I know all the words to the South Park movie songs, but idiocy is funny from any source.
Sadly I had to shrink the pic...it cut off on the right margin at full size :-( if anyone knows how to fix this issue please tell me...in the meantime, just click to enlarge.
Sadly I had to shrink the pic...it cut off on the right margin at full size :-( if anyone knows how to fix this issue please tell me...in the meantime, just click to enlarge.
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| From Random |
Friday, May 15, 2009
this just made me laugh...
answer to the Yahoo! Answers posted question "what do bee stings feel like?"
THE STINGS OF MOST BEES OR WASPS IS NORMALLY NOT THAT PAINFUL AND RANGES FROM A PINCH TO A LOCALIZED STINGING.SPIDERS ON THE OTHER HAND HAVE A HUGE
Monday, May 11, 2009
Mateja in the Movies (yes)
Two years ago, mere DAYS after returning from England in fact, I found a temp summer job. Very temp. I was an extra in the film The Express for two days. My friend Kurt and I showed up at the Northwestern football stadium at 4am, me on NO sleep as I had to have my hair in curlers all night. And we sat in the stadium bleachers and pretended to cheer or boo (and read books and watched episodes of The Office on Kurt's cleverly-disguised iPod) while Dennis Quaid and Rob Brown did their thing on the football field.
The movie came out this past October, and I didn't bother to watch it in theaters or rent it right after it came out on DVD. Basically I forgot all about it. Until last night, when I got a call from my brother and Kurt, screaming that WE WERE IN THE MOVIE. They were laughing themselves to death.
I found out exactly why a few minutes later, when I popped the film in for myself (yes, I did run to the video store and rent it immediately).
For anyone who's interested in seeing me and Kurt (sort of), I'm in the Cotton Bowl scene/chapter. I'm wearing a red sweater and can been seen up close & slightly blurry a couple of times, and far away & clearly a couple of times. (Sorry, I'm not a cameraman so I have no idea how to describe it other than that). You can see me really briefly in the first half (I'm near the scoreboard, halfway out of frame, but I'm clapping frantically and I pump my fist) and then more obviously right after Ernie scores the touchdown. I am in a shot of the Texas crowd, booing and a-looking pissed off. I stand up with my hand over my mouth. Then a little after that you can see me and Kurt cheering at the top of the stands (on the right, directly below the scoreboard). I'm sitting, but Kurt is standing pumping his fists SLOWLY in the air. It is funny as all hell.
So, friends, that is my foray into Hollywood. And I keep thinking that for some of those shots if I'd only been ONE ROW closer, I would have deserved to be in the credits.
Ha.
Happy Monday, all.
The movie came out this past October, and I didn't bother to watch it in theaters or rent it right after it came out on DVD. Basically I forgot all about it. Until last night, when I got a call from my brother and Kurt, screaming that WE WERE IN THE MOVIE. They were laughing themselves to death.
I found out exactly why a few minutes later, when I popped the film in for myself (yes, I did run to the video store and rent it immediately).
For anyone who's interested in seeing me and Kurt (sort of), I'm in the Cotton Bowl scene/chapter. I'm wearing a red sweater and can been seen up close & slightly blurry a couple of times, and far away & clearly a couple of times. (Sorry, I'm not a cameraman so I have no idea how to describe it other than that). You can see me really briefly in the first half (I'm near the scoreboard, halfway out of frame, but I'm clapping frantically and I pump my fist) and then more obviously right after Ernie scores the touchdown. I am in a shot of the Texas crowd, booing and a-looking pissed off. I stand up with my hand over my mouth. Then a little after that you can see me and Kurt cheering at the top of the stands (on the right, directly below the scoreboard). I'm sitting, but Kurt is standing pumping his fists SLOWLY in the air. It is funny as all hell.
So, friends, that is my foray into Hollywood. And I keep thinking that for some of those shots if I'd only been ONE ROW closer, I would have deserved to be in the credits.
Ha.
Happy Monday, all.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
St. Louis (stay tuned for pics)
Enjoyed a lovely Eastertime in St. Louis with Dad and Franz. Ate crawfish etoufee, met and re-met Dad's old SLU buddies (including liturgical music celeb John Foley, S.J.), saw the botanical gardens,, the famed and over 200 year-old Soulard Market...oh, and saw SINBAD; he was my flight home. I almost whacked him in the face with my duffel bag while boarding, in fact.
Stay tuned for more details and pics....
Stay tuned for more details and pics....
Monday, March 30, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
this guy
I love this guy as an actor and wanted to know what he looked like in his younger days--cause I don't think I have seen any movie of him made before 1994 or so (whenever Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves was--which by the way is still my fave role of his: "Because it's dull, you twit, it'll hurt more!" ahh, priceless)
ANYWAY, here is a pic of Mr. Alan Rickman from some years ago...can we say SMOKIN'?
.....by the way, it may be noted that the main reason I was interested in seeing the Sweeney Todd film was to hear him sing.
ANYWAY, here is a pic of Mr. Alan Rickman from some years ago...can we say SMOKIN'?
 |
| From alan rickman |
.....by the way, it may be noted that the main reason I was interested in seeing the Sweeney Todd film was to hear him sing.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Monday, March 9, 2009
mimi-vacay end
My brother left this morning, after spending his spring break here in LA with me. I miss him so much my heart feels like it's being pulled apart, even though we got into arguments and disagreements while he was here. I suppose we always will do that, we're just different in very key ways. But I think he knows how much I care for him and worry about him and will always have my back. And I know that he always has my best interests at heart, even though he shows it in very different ways.
I wish I was his age again, when my only real care in the world was getting my homework done and getting good grades, and hanging out with my friends. Somewhere along the way that all came to a screeching halt, and now what plagues my mind is the constant fear of the future, and worry about my family.
.....This week has been filled with craziness, both great and not-so-great. All this energy, drinking, money spent, fights, hugs, laughing, crying, has exhausted me.
This morning I sat on the couch with Al and just watched some episodes of Family Guy. We laughed together and it felt like home.
I didn't want to let go of Al today when I hugged him at the airport.
I'm such an old sap.
I wish I was his age again, when my only real care in the world was getting my homework done and getting good grades, and hanging out with my friends. Somewhere along the way that all came to a screeching halt, and now what plagues my mind is the constant fear of the future, and worry about my family.
.....This week has been filled with craziness, both great and not-so-great. All this energy, drinking, money spent, fights, hugs, laughing, crying, has exhausted me.
This morning I sat on the couch with Al and just watched some episodes of Family Guy. We laughed together and it felt like home.
I didn't want to let go of Al today when I hugged him at the airport.
I'm such an old sap.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
your love keeps liftin' me...
I left that last blog half-done on purpose. A month ago I was so angry I just had to step away, and I told myself I'd finish when the smoke cleared.
Well it's been a month. And after much stress, several hundred cups of coffee, even more alcoholic drinks and enough anger to power NYC for a week, the smoke seems to have finally cleared away (knock on wood).
This is my new home (pics are generally of the living room and master BR, for which we succeeded in finding an awesome occupant)
And then, only a few days after moving in, I was off with Linus to Toronto to see my aunts and my Staramama. What a wonderful dose of love and family that was. I can't think about it without having tears in my eyes.
It was hard in some ways, having not been back in so long, and being that the last time I was there was with my WHOLE family--Christmas 2005. It was weird too in that I was seeing all these people for the first time since July or August 2007, when we were all congregated in Chicago for my Mom's illness and, finally, her funeral. And I was there of my own volition because I wanted to see them, not because I was being made to by someone.
And I was tour guiding, which always brings back a lot of hazy memories. As a result many of my touring requests to Teta Mary (that's "Aunt Mary" to those non-Slovenians among you) went something like this: "Remember that place, with all the green lights, where we used to get kitchen supplies, and there would be a band playing...?" etc.
Anyway, we did all the things I used to love doing in Toronto. We went to Kingsway Fish & Chips (twice, in fact), Le Marché (it's called Richtree now), Niagara Falls and Niagara-on-the-Lake, Eaton Centre, Chinatown, we rode the streetcar and the subway (and witnessed a drug deal!), ate at Mandarin, and did the most important thing of all: talked, ate, and played games with my family and friends.
It was in some ways weird and tough being there, but it was even tougher to leave. Everyone kept saying how wonderful it was to see me, and how wonderful of me to come. All I kept thinking was how could I not, and why did it take so long for me to come? If only it wasn't so far/expensive/time consuming. To think I used to come to Toronto several times a year!
Staramama got tears in her eyes a lot. I know she was thinking about my mom. I caught myself staring at Teta Cveti once, because she looks so much like her. I was straining to see the parts that looked like Mom, because then it would be like she was with us.
I was so enveloped/showered/downpoured with love, affection, appreciation and thanks that I'm a little off of my "game" two days later here in LA.
But I'm happy I went. I miss family all over again.
Now that I'm back, my tasks are to learn this solo piece for an audition next week for the COMPOSER, ANDREA MORRICONE (yes you read right, Ennio's kid); perform "Summertime" for a recital this Sunday (supposedly. I have not heard anything from the person who is in charge); continue unpacking; try to find time to "bond" with new roommate whom I don't know that well and would like to (just cause, you know, we do have to live together); and prepare for Al's visit on the 27th (CAN'T WAIT).
I hope this was enough blog updates for now. I hope to post more pics soon, but that all depends on when i can get pics to a Kinko's or uploaded using someone else's camera. Which reminds me, I must find the receipt for that camera so I can send it to Canon for repairs. It broke in Toronto
Well it's been a month. And after much stress, several hundred cups of coffee, even more alcoholic drinks and enough anger to power NYC for a week, the smoke seems to have finally cleared away (knock on wood).
This is my new home (pics are generally of the living room and master BR, for which we succeeded in finding an awesome occupant)
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| From apt pics |
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| From apt pics |
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| From apt pics |
And then, only a few days after moving in, I was off with Linus to Toronto to see my aunts and my Staramama. What a wonderful dose of love and family that was. I can't think about it without having tears in my eyes.
It was hard in some ways, having not been back in so long, and being that the last time I was there was with my WHOLE family--Christmas 2005. It was weird too in that I was seeing all these people for the first time since July or August 2007, when we were all congregated in Chicago for my Mom's illness and, finally, her funeral. And I was there of my own volition because I wanted to see them, not because I was being made to by someone.
And I was tour guiding, which always brings back a lot of hazy memories. As a result many of my touring requests to Teta Mary (that's "Aunt Mary" to those non-Slovenians among you) went something like this: "Remember that place, with all the green lights, where we used to get kitchen supplies, and there would be a band playing...?" etc.
Anyway, we did all the things I used to love doing in Toronto. We went to Kingsway Fish & Chips (twice, in fact), Le Marché (it's called Richtree now), Niagara Falls and Niagara-on-the-Lake, Eaton Centre, Chinatown, we rode the streetcar and the subway (and witnessed a drug deal!), ate at Mandarin, and did the most important thing of all: talked, ate, and played games with my family and friends.
It was in some ways weird and tough being there, but it was even tougher to leave. Everyone kept saying how wonderful it was to see me, and how wonderful of me to come. All I kept thinking was how could I not, and why did it take so long for me to come? If only it wasn't so far/expensive/time consuming. To think I used to come to Toronto several times a year!
Staramama got tears in her eyes a lot. I know she was thinking about my mom. I caught myself staring at Teta Cveti once, because she looks so much like her. I was straining to see the parts that looked like Mom, because then it would be like she was with us.
I was so enveloped/showered/downpoured with love, affection, appreciation and thanks that I'm a little off of my "game" two days later here in LA.
But I'm happy I went. I miss family all over again.
Now that I'm back, my tasks are to learn this solo piece for an audition next week for the COMPOSER, ANDREA MORRICONE (yes you read right, Ennio's kid); perform "Summertime" for a recital this Sunday (supposedly. I have not heard anything from the person who is in charge); continue unpacking; try to find time to "bond" with new roommate whom I don't know that well and would like to (just cause, you know, we do have to live together); and prepare for Al's visit on the 27th (CAN'T WAIT).
I hope this was enough blog updates for now. I hope to post more pics soon, but that all depends on when i can get pics to a Kinko's or uploaded using someone else's camera. Which reminds me, I must find the receipt for that camera so I can send it to Canon for repairs. It broke in Toronto
Friday, January 16, 2009
lowest
I spoke too soon in my last post. Tuesday night at about 10pm, I received a huge blow to my solar plexus, and three days later I'm still struggling to catch my breath.
Am I over-dramatizing the situation? Perhaps. But this is how I feel about it, and I can't help it. The worst part of it all is that I set myself up to get screwed like this...I guess I just trusted where I shouldn't have.
Basically, my fabulous roommate Nicole and I are getting booted out of our apartment February 13. This is because we are subleasing with another roommate, Shaena (to whom we wrote our rent checks. Yeah. Hence the current self-loathing), who has decided to give her 30 days' notice IN THE MIDDLE OF JANUARY. Nevermind that I am miffed that she couldn't at least have given a preliminary warning so that
Am I over-dramatizing the situation? Perhaps. But this is how I feel about it, and I can't help it. The worst part of it all is that I set myself up to get screwed like this...I guess I just trusted where I shouldn't have.
Basically, my fabulous roommate Nicole and I are getting booted out of our apartment February 13. This is because we are subleasing with another roommate, Shaena (to whom we wrote our rent checks. Yeah. Hence the current self-loathing), who has decided to give her 30 days' notice IN THE MIDDLE OF JANUARY. Nevermind that I am miffed that she couldn't at least have given a preliminary warning so that
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
down again
Mood is down again today. It was pretty "up" yesterday.
I don't know what's the matter with me.
Today = struggle.
I don't know what's the matter with me.
Today = struggle.
Monday, January 12, 2009
back again
I've been on hiatus for a few weeks, enjoying a wonderful, beautiful, dare I say magical trip to Fargo with my family. Spent time with loved ones, enjoyed conversations with my dad, brothers, grandparents, cousins. It's been hard for me to come back. After a pretty deep talk with my dad, and another with my mom's older sister, and also a good friend from back home, I have opened up my mind to the fact that I'm really very very blessed in life. Not everyone is so fortunate as I to have such a caring and loving family life. Sure, we're not perfect, and we've had our fair share of problems, sadness and tragedies....nevertheless, I know I'm blessed. These thoughts have helped me get past the sadness, longing and homesickness I've felt so deeply in the past week.
I'm going to post the lyrics to the song "Wanting Memories" by Ysaye Barnwell below. This is a song I performed all the time during my years in the Chicago Children's Choir, and it always makes me take a pause, and reflect on my life, and reminds me that I'm not alone in my struggles to remember the good things in life. Ysaye wrote this on the death of her father. The song is very pretty too....I'm sure you can search it on YouTube.
I'm going to post the lyrics to the song "Wanting Memories" by Ysaye Barnwell below. This is a song I performed all the time during my years in the Chicago Children's Choir, and it always makes me take a pause, and reflect on my life, and reminds me that I'm not alone in my struggles to remember the good things in life. Ysaye wrote this on the death of her father. The song is very pretty too....I'm sure you can search it on YouTube.
I am sitting here wanting memories to teach me
to see the beauty in the world through my own eyes.
I am sitting here wanting memories to teach me
To see the beauty in the world through my own eyes.
You said you'd rock me in the cradle of your arms.
You said you'd hold me ‘til the storms of life were gone.
You said you'd comfort me in times like these and now I need you.
Now I need you...
And you are -
gone.
So, I am sitting here wanting memories to teach me
to see the beauty in the world through my own eyes.
Since you've gone and left me, there's been so little beauty,
but I know I saw it clearly through your eyes.
Now the world outside is such a cold and bitter place.
Here inside I have few things that will console.
And when I try to hear your voice above the storms of life,
then i remember all the things that I was told.
Well, I am sitting here wanting memories to teach me
to see the beauty in the world through my own eyes.
Yes, I am sitting here wanting memories to teach me
To see the beauty in the world through my own eyes.
I think on the things that made me feel so wonderful when I was young.
I think on the things that made me laugh , made me dance, made me sing.
I think on the things that made me grow into a being full of pride.
I think on these things, for they are true.
I am sitting here wanting memories to teach me
to see the beauty in the world through my own eyes.
I thought that you were gone, but now I know you're with me.
You are the voice that whispers all I need to hear.
I know a "Please", a "Thank you", and a smile will take me far.
I know that I am you and you are me, and we are one.
I know that who I am is numbered in each grain of sand.
I know that I am blessed,
again, and again, and again, and again,
and, again.
I am sitting here wanting memories to teach me
to see the beauty in the world through my own eyes.
I am sitting here wanting memories to teach me
To see the beauty in the world through my own eyes.
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