All cancers should be created equal?

I was just thinking about something today since it's Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I was happy to find a message board that echoed my maybe-not-completely-politically-correct thoughts and feelings--whatever, I don't care. Read on. Having those pink ribbons shoved down my throat everywhere I look this month makes me feel a combination of gladness, jealousy, and anger. My comments/reactions are in bold.

I guess I'm not the only one who is suffering from compassion fatigue about breast cancer. YES, we are all aware of breast cancer now. I wish I had breast cancer instead of the rare terminal cancer that I suffer from. There are no foundations for bile duct cancer. No support groups. No pink ribbons. No 5K walks to raise money. No "buy pink" products.
I like the American Cancer Society because they support the fight against ALL types of cancer and don't discriminate in favor of one or another. I'm sorry for every one who has to fight cancer of any kind.

My wife has head and neck cancer that is now in her lungs and we have been fighting it for almost 9 years alone. There is no one out beating a drum to help her. All you ever hear about is breast cancer this and breast cancer that. Even in the oncology clinic its all the reading material is about breast or prostate cancer. People either are insensitive to you or don't know what to say at all...I wish that all these celebrities would band have shows about cancer in general instead of just jumping on the band wagon of breast cancer.

I mean absolutely no disrespect to those with Breast Cancer; but, I am a woman in my 40's who was diagnosed in July 2007 with Rectal Cancer and from day one I have not been able to understand why Breast Cancer gets sooo much more attention. [well it's because it's more common...] ALL Cancers are horrible and everyone who is diagnosed with whatever type of cancer is terrified and forced to face their own mortality. All loved ones, co-workers, family, friends, etc., react the same to every type of cancer. In short, if we are talking emotional affects, all cancers need to be treated as one.

I am a cancer survivor - Uterine cancer. Why is every article that addresses cancer in women geared toward breast cancer. Mine was just as emotional and devastating.

I do agree breast gets all the attention,but hey if it gets people to see Cancer is out there and brings in funding I guess we should just hope it filters down to the rest of us! Yeah, maybe they can do a percentage thing, like if 30% of people have prostate cancer then they can have 30% of the funding. Wait....


I realize this all probably sounds pissy and whiny of me. I don't really care right now. I recognize, of course, that a lot more people have breast cancer than fibrosacroma. So of course it's going to get more money, and more attention. I guess just seeing all of those pink ribbons and balloons at the grocery store, and those Yoplait yogurt lids makes me think about what would have happened to Mommy if she'd only had a cancer that got that much funding for research. It seems like with breast cancer there;s always some experimental new thing that can be tried. After mom had her bouts with the usual radiation and chemo, that was it. No new options. Just a slow gradation of painkillers from Tylenol to methadone.

I donate for cancer every time I'm asked. But I donate less to breast because a ton more people are giving for that because it's so widely publicized. Readers out there, don't hate me for this...I just think it's only fair.

Halloween and other things

I'm looking forward to Halloween this year, because last year I didn't dress up or do anything. I've been feeling down the last few weeks (last week was better, this week even better, hope things stay on the upswing for a while) so I need some things to feel good about. Recitals went very well this past Saturday. I am very proud of my students (and myself)!

My Halloween costume is making me nervous and excited. I am going as Kat Von D from LA Ink. I have all of the supplies I need: big belt, "fake tattoo" shirt, huge earrings and huge sunglasses. I also got bright red lipstick and dark black eyeliner, and..a can of that "spray-on" hair dye.

...Yeah let's stop for a minute and discuss this hair dye. Saturday night I sprayed a little bit on a small chunk of hair. This was in the bathroom. I touched my finger to the hair. Finger had a small amount of black dye on it. I touched my finger to the counter area. There was a little bit of black. I reached for some toilet paper to wipe it away, wetting it first.

.......the black dye ended up EVERYWHERE in the bathroom. All over in and around the sink, or my toiletry stuff, my contact lens case, ALL over the floor....it was disgusting. And the stuff on my hair also smudged my face. All from this little tiny bit, I am not kidding. It somehow took on a life of its own and through some sort of sick cellular mitosis invaded my bathroom. As the black mess grew I went from pieces of toilet paper to paper towels to a kitchen sponge....it took about 20 minutes to contain this mutant life form.

I'm looking forward to Disneyland on Friday....

I'm freaking out right now. Because I've had a bunch of coffee and when I have that much coffee, I get anxious. And well....I'm anxious because I'm thinking of not going to rehearsal today. Now we get three absences (a LOT) per quarter, I have not used any yet, I have attended every rehearsal so far--six or seven--there are only six or seven "regular time" rehearsals left--but I keep thinking, what if I'm too tired NEXT week? I can't miss two weeks in a row!! AAAUUUUGH. I'm a freak, man.

oh. my. god.

Dear Mateja Schuck,

Thank you for purchasing your 1 ticket(s) from Live Nation Tickets.

This email serves as your receipt.

Your method of delivery is: Regular Mail

ORDER: 18493645

Your ticket(s) are for an event at the following venue(s): Hollywood Palladium - Hollywood, CA

You have been charged for the following:


Serial # 1939181565 -----Section GA6 ----- Row GA1----- Seat 300---- Price $86.50 Conv. Fee ---- $14.75 Date---- November 14, 2008 ---- Performance Mötley Crüe

Delivery Fee: $0.00
Order Fee: $5.15
Total Ticket Price: $106.40

The ABCs of Mateja

THE ABCs OF MATEJA

A - ADVOCATE FOR: Good grammar

B - BEST FEATURE: My ability to listen

C - COULD DO WITHOUT: My lazy left eye, body hair, and the self-doubt

D - DREAMS & DESIRES: To live a good life -- to be important to others in a George Bailey way -- to meet Nikki Sixx -- to get my butt back to graduate school soon -- to make a difference -- to see Africa

E - ESSENTIAL ITEMS: chapstick, hair tie

F - FAVORITE PASTIME: Reading in a cozy spot, doing costuming projects, learning a new piece of music

G - GOOD AT: Memorizing things, driving directions, sight-singing and sight-reading music, listening, communicating, sentimentality

H - HAVE NEVER TRIED: Therapy (the counselor I saw a few times in college doesn't really count), bungee jumping, skydiving, surfing...

I - IF I HAD A MILLION DOLLARS: Pay off my credit card and car, put some away for a home down payment, and invest. Oh--I'd also "blow" a little and travel to Iceland, Hawaii, Thailand, and all over Africa.

J - JUNKIE FOR: Good 'n' Plentys, Oreos, Fruit Runts, Nerds. I'm seven.

K - KINDRED SPIRIT: More and more, I think my Dad is one. I don't know of anyone else right now who I'd put in that category. Maybe that's why I've been feeling so empty of late...

L - LITTLE KNOWN FACT: I had scarlet fever as a kid. No joke.

M - MEMORABLE MOMENT: Junior year of college when I opened the envelope which contained a letter telling me I had been chosen out of about 300 applicants to be one of 25 2005 Orientation Leaders for Santa Clara University. I screamed, jumped up and down, cried....another was when I was cast in Kiss Me Kate sophomore year of college. Same reaction.

N - NEVER AGAIN WILL I: Waste a travel opportunity.

O - OCCASIONAL INDULGENCE: DVDs.

P - PROFESSION: Music teacher/office assistant

Q - QUOTE: something from Victor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning

R - REASON TO SMILE: Only 45 minutes left here at work.

S - SORRY ABOUT: Not being in school right now. Not being there for my mom more when she was dying.

T - TAG SOME FRIENDS: Huh?

U - UNINTERESTED IN: American Idol, Dancing With the Stars, most TV shows (exceptions are LOST and The Office)

V - VERY SCARED OF: Failure. Fear itself. Something bad happening to a loved one.

W - WORST HABIT: Not finishing things I start. Too quick to apologize/take the blame

X - X MARKS MY IDEAL VACATION SPOT: Star Island, Minnesota

Y - YUMMIEST DESSERT: Cookies 'n' Cream ice cream, moon cake, sorbets, creme brulee....

Z - ZODIAC SIGN: Virgo

WHAT ARE THE ABC’S OF YOU?

yesssss

I don't think I've done one of these silly things in years....check out the super-intelligent "analysis" that this first quiz creator gives. Which Mötley Crüe member are you?

You Scored as Nikki Sixx you are like nikki, vulnerable, with a VERY fucked up childhood, you have a big heart thou you always never face your inner troubles until its too late Nikki Sixx 83% Mick Mars 67% Vince Neil 50% Tommy Lee 17%

You Scored as Home Sweet Home.... This one I agree with. This is always the one I play on the plane going back to Chicago or MN.... Home Sweet Home.... 100% Misunderstood.... 78% She Goes Down.... 67% Starry Eyes 67% Dont Go Away Mad (just go away) 67% Afraid.... 67% If I Die Tomorrow.... 67% Live Wire 56% Without You 56% Girls,Girls,Girls.... 33% Shout At The Devil 33% Wild Side.... 22% Save Our Souls.... 0% Dr Feelgood 0%

journaling

I want to get back into journaling. I don't know if blogging can really be considered the same thing because there is something to having a book and pen in hand, and seeing the words in your own handwriting complete with scribbles etc. And you can do it anytime if you take your journal with you.

Blogging always seems more thought-out, since most blogs are put out for everyone to see and are somewhat controlled toward specific subject matter (to be fair, a lot aren't. I like those ones a lot). I like the stream-of-consciousness quality that comes with journaling, and the freedom that comes with the knowledge that nobody else is going to be reading this ever.

I saved all my old journals and diaries from when I was in 5th through 8th grade---at least I hope nobody threw them away back home. I haven't looked at all at them since those years. That's definitely something I need to do when I go to Chicago next. I would like to revisit what my thoughts and feelings were back then, what kind of person I was, etc. I remember writing page after page, even after "journal time" in the morning at school was done. I think I used to sit at my desk and journal when I was supposed to be paying attention in class. I don't remember anything of what I wrote, but I remember it being therapeutic in a tough time. Grade school years for me were hellish. I didn't have any friends at school; I was a nerd and everyone made fun of or just avoided me. So I remember feeling comforted by writing. I remember feeling like the diary was my friend when nobody else was, and someone I could confide in when nobody else would listen or understand.

I read a lot of online blogs/journals, the most recent being the one I posted the link to in my last entry. Apparently he still journals every day and thinks it's very important for people to do so. I guess I do too...everyone needs a release. And I agree that you don't have to be a pro or even a good writer to express yourself in written word. I mean...I'm here aren't I? Who even is reading this? I don't care either way. It's something to do, and something I can look back on and think about, years from now. Mateja at 24, what she was thinking and feeling, and so on.

Cheers!

in which i disclose what my blog should be like

been reading this for the better part of an hour. check these entries out.

http://www.absolute-motleycrue.com/nikki.html