Oh Accuweather
I will now be stalking you
Hawklike, 'til next week
Three storms predicted
Each riddled with ice and snow
And bitter windchills
Oh Accuweather
Smile kindly upon me, friend
I always trust you
Display no colors
Indicating flight delays
For the next six days.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
time goes by so slowly
And I suppose plenty has indeed taken place. Chorale holiday concert, got the majority of my cards out....
it's finally chilly here, and a little rainy yesterday.....
but i'm sick of work, I'm so ready to go home for holidays....
it's finally chilly here, and a little rainy yesterday.....
but i'm sick of work, I'm so ready to go home for holidays....
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Girls and Guitar Center
So I went into Guitar Center yesterday to pick out a present for my little brother.
No sooner had I set foot in the place than a salesperson was upon me, asking if I need help. Usually I hate this, but in this case I did need some assistance with picking the right item [can't be too specific here--you never know who is reading]. This guy pointed me toward the sales counter, behind which were stacks of what I was looking for.
No sooner had I bent down to get a closer look at the different brands and prices, than another guy practically leaped from the other end of the counter over to where I was. I asked a few questions, he helped me choose what I wanted, and then proceeded to start ringing me up. During this, he was asking me all sorts of questions (the first one, as always, "How you do you pronounce your name?" followed immediately by "What is that--I mean, does it mean something?"). Asked if I played any instruments, and yadda yadda. Was very enthusiastic about the very generous Guitar Center redturn policy, gave me his card (GC makes personalized business cards for all its employees!) and said he can get me online discounts if I call in.
I texted Linus that I had a very good customer service experience in Guitar Center. His response was basically "Well duh.. there was a girl in there!" I was incredulous. I'm sure girls go in there all the time, I insisted. Linus responded that if I had gone in there and asked for a guitar, they would have built me one right there out of wood and string. Bit of an exaggeration, no? There are PLENTY of girl musicians and girl rockers at that. I mean, it's not like I went into GameStop (of course there, nobody comes over to help you because they're all too shy and nerdy).
Anyway, fast forward to yesterday evening when I decided to go and hear a friend/fellow Ferrante teacher's set at a bar near Universal Studios. Linus couldn't make it and I never heard back from the roomie so I went solo. Which was fine except that first thing when I walked in, a creepy-looking dude clapped me on the shoulder and make some kind of remark. I missed England briefly (people go to pubs by themselves all the time there). Then I sat down at my friend's table so I could avoid further accosting.
They were about to play so I introduced myself to the other guy sitting at the table. He said he knew my friend from working with him at Guitar Center. Naturally I said something like, "Oh, I was just there today! Everyone was so awesome to me" or something. His response: "Well, girls never come in there." Well, my jaw must have dropped a little. I told him that he was the second person to say that to me today. I repeated Linus's comment to him and he said, "Yep, that's pretty much true." He says when girls come in, they're always with their boyfriends who are buying stuff.
Well, that's my little anecdote for the day.
Oh--and when I left the bar that night (I was on the phone so maybe the guy thought I couldn't hear), I heard the bouncer (also on his phone) say, "the one cute girl in the place just left."
No sooner had I set foot in the place than a salesperson was upon me, asking if I need help. Usually I hate this, but in this case I did need some assistance with picking the right item [can't be too specific here--you never know who is reading]. This guy pointed me toward the sales counter, behind which were stacks of what I was looking for.
No sooner had I bent down to get a closer look at the different brands and prices, than another guy practically leaped from the other end of the counter over to where I was. I asked a few questions, he helped me choose what I wanted, and then proceeded to start ringing me up. During this, he was asking me all sorts of questions (the first one, as always, "How you do you pronounce your name?" followed immediately by "What is that--I mean, does it mean something?"). Asked if I played any instruments, and yadda yadda. Was very enthusiastic about the very generous Guitar Center redturn policy, gave me his card (GC makes personalized business cards for all its employees!) and said he can get me online discounts if I call in.
I texted Linus that I had a very good customer service experience in Guitar Center. His response was basically "Well duh.. there was a girl in there!" I was incredulous. I'm sure girls go in there all the time, I insisted. Linus responded that if I had gone in there and asked for a guitar, they would have built me one right there out of wood and string. Bit of an exaggeration, no? There are PLENTY of girl musicians and girl rockers at that. I mean, it's not like I went into GameStop (of course there, nobody comes over to help you because they're all too shy and nerdy).
Anyway, fast forward to yesterday evening when I decided to go and hear a friend/fellow Ferrante teacher's set at a bar near Universal Studios. Linus couldn't make it and I never heard back from the roomie so I went solo. Which was fine except that first thing when I walked in, a creepy-looking dude clapped me on the shoulder and make some kind of remark. I missed England briefly (people go to pubs by themselves all the time there). Then I sat down at my friend's table so I could avoid further accosting.
They were about to play so I introduced myself to the other guy sitting at the table. He said he knew my friend from working with him at Guitar Center. Naturally I said something like, "Oh, I was just there today! Everyone was so awesome to me" or something. His response: "Well, girls never come in there." Well, my jaw must have dropped a little. I told him that he was the second person to say that to me today. I repeated Linus's comment to him and he said, "Yep, that's pretty much true." He says when girls come in, they're always with their boyfriends who are buying stuff.
Well, that's my little anecdote for the day.
Oh--and when I left the bar that night (I was on the phone so maybe the guy thought I couldn't hear), I heard the bouncer (also on his phone) say, "the one cute girl in the place just left."
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
my new obsession
I. LOVE. PLAYING. THE. DRUMS.
If only a digital set wasn't so expensive!! If only I could buy a REAL set!!
If only a digital set wasn't so expensive!! If only I could buy a REAL set!!
part II and III
I guess I never got around to updating, but that Saturday I went to see Role Models with my roommate (pretty funny), and found a $20 on the ground.
Sunday was Dan and Kelly's baby shower. Food and drinks were had, games played. I won the diaper raffle (prizes were a $5 Starbucks gift card and an egg spatula).
Also saw Changeling. Whoa....
Sunday was Dan and Kelly's baby shower. Food and drinks were had, games played. I won the diaper raffle (prizes were a $5 Starbucks gift card and an egg spatula).
Also saw Changeling. Whoa....
Monday, November 17, 2008
Weekend Update Part I: Motley Crue Concert
I don't blog about "what I did" that often anymore (not that I shouldn't; don't you know the life I lead is amazing and adventurous?) but this weekend calls for it because boy was it packed with fun.
Friday
It was a sad day at work, and I hate talking about work, so let's skip on to the Motley concert. I drove to Hollywood straight from work and when I discovered I'd be way early, I stopped off at In-N-Out (shoulda gotten in line...). I found FREE PARKING a couple of blocks from the Palladium and still had time to kill so went into a Rite-Aid across the street. In the Rite-Aid entryway, in plain view of everyone, was a kid pouring out Coke from a 20 oz. bottle and pouring in some cheap rum. Brilliant idea, says I. I mean, I have to drive home so I can't drink later in the evening, and who wants to lose their place in the crowd AND pay $12 for well drinks in the theater anyway. And of course you CAN'T be sober at a Motley Concert. (Although by the time the concert was on their last songs I was) So I go inside the store and head to the liquor. Well. Apparently everyone else had the same idea, so all the smaller bottles of rum were gone. I had to get a bigger one--luckily it was on sale for $11.99.
Then I had to stand in a long line of people so dressed up you'd think it was Halloween, while I contemplated what to do with my big bottle of cheap rum and 20oz bottle of diet Coke.
I didn't have the guts to do the mixin' right there in front of the store like the dude I'd seen, so I thought I'd walk around the block to a residential area, find a semi-secluded spot and take care of business there (yes...joke). Then my plan was to walk back to my car and drop off the bottle of rum. Well...long story short the block was HUGE, it took forever to find someplace where people weren't walking their dogs, so by the time I did I was too tired and very impatient to get in line. So once I mixed my very classy plastic bottle of diet Coke with Bacardi, I just LEFT the mostly-full rum bottle there near some trees. I figured someone would appreciate the gift, this being Hollywood.
That's probably the shadiest thing I've ever done.
I get in line about 6:45, right in front of some people I'd seen over in Rite-Aid. We chill for a while and then are informed we're in the Will Call line--oops. We already had our tickets. So we have to schlep ourselves all the way to the end of a looooong line (around the block), passing all sorts of Nikki Sixx and Vince Neil lookalikes. We waited in line for over an hour. I got to know the two couples who had been shopping next to me in Rite-Aid and were now next to me in line. They were pretty cool and we were getting a little tipsy, trading Motley facts, reminiscing about past concerts, people watching. Two of the people, a brother (Robert) and sister (Diana), said I could kick it with then for the eve (their words...I don't say "kick it"). That sounded like fun, plus the brother was a big guy and would be able to help get us a good spot near the front.
We got inside and immediately got drinks so that we could be free to get a good spot for the show--my rum and Coke had long been consumed. We basically just stood around and waited for an hour. People spotted Nikki, Tommy and Pamela Anderson in one of the balconies, much screaming and cheering ensued. The Palladium is a small theater so the balconies were low and not deep--everyone could see the VIPs. I always had heard Motley were "of the people" and they certainly were that night.
But oh....nobody told us about the two bands that played a few songs before Motley came on. I felt bad for them because the crowd all but booed--and they were really good bands! But they'd had no publicity and everyone just wanted Motley to come out. There were a few belligerents during this time, including an older guy who accused my of sucker punching him (I didn't--I did elbow him really hard though and Robert complimented me) and a lady who was there with her mother who decided to yell something at everyone who tried to invade her "space". There is no such this as personal space at a rock concert.
FINALLY, at 10:50pm (doors were at 8) and a trip to the bathroom later, Motley came onstage. They opened with Kickstart My Heart of course, which revved everyone up immediately. They played through all the hits and the two singles from their new album (Saints of Los Angeles and Motherfucker of the Year). Vince sounded OK, crowd did a lot of the work for him. Which was alright, really. And it wasn't too loud so I didn't need the earplugs I'd spent $5 on the day before.
Only criticism: for most of the time I saw NOTHING except the top of the sets and the ceiling of the theater. And I was close to the stage! The problem is that the house floor of the Palladium DOESN'T SLOPE. What the hell is up with that?? And they just finished a huge renovation. So I only really saw Vince's head, and the other bandmates' heads when they came all the way downstage. Never saw Tommy play drums--only when he came up front to talk, and then on the screen playing keyboard on Home Sweet Home.
But it was great anyway. By the end I'd gotten within 10 feet of the stage so my view was a little better. The band played through all the favorites, Same Old Situation, Primal Scream (which Nikki introduced), Live Wire, Don't Go Away Mad, Girls Girls Girls, etc. Mick had a sick solo at one point. They ended with Dr. Feelgood--my favorite I think--but of course that wasn't the real end. After a few minutes of dark, Tommy lit up on the screen and the opening chords of Home Sweet Home began. Vince was handing the mike to people in the audience....it was great. And for the last "ooooos" he just stood still center stage, and raised up his hands for everyone to join in, like it was a prayer or something.
Great concert.
Over 6 hours of standing.
They played Frank Sinatra's "My Way" as exit music (piped in).
I had lost Robert and Diana somewhere during Girls Girls Girls, and I was too tired and in pain to care so I just made my escape. I think that's part of the whole concert experience and very "Motley."
So there was my first and hopefully not last "big name" rock concert experience. I had such a blast. Go Motley, 27 years strong.
P.S. I walked back to see if my bottle of rum was still where I'd left it. It wasn't.
Friday
It was a sad day at work, and I hate talking about work, so let's skip on to the Motley concert. I drove to Hollywood straight from work and when I discovered I'd be way early, I stopped off at In-N-Out (shoulda gotten in line...). I found FREE PARKING a couple of blocks from the Palladium and still had time to kill so went into a Rite-Aid across the street. In the Rite-Aid entryway, in plain view of everyone, was a kid pouring out Coke from a 20 oz. bottle and pouring in some cheap rum. Brilliant idea, says I. I mean, I have to drive home so I can't drink later in the evening, and who wants to lose their place in the crowd AND pay $12 for well drinks in the theater anyway. And of course you CAN'T be sober at a Motley Concert. (Although by the time the concert was on their last songs I was) So I go inside the store and head to the liquor. Well. Apparently everyone else had the same idea, so all the smaller bottles of rum were gone. I had to get a bigger one--luckily it was on sale for $11.99.
Then I had to stand in a long line of people so dressed up you'd think it was Halloween, while I contemplated what to do with my big bottle of cheap rum and 20oz bottle of diet Coke.
I didn't have the guts to do the mixin' right there in front of the store like the dude I'd seen, so I thought I'd walk around the block to a residential area, find a semi-secluded spot and take care of business there (yes...joke). Then my plan was to walk back to my car and drop off the bottle of rum. Well...long story short the block was HUGE, it took forever to find someplace where people weren't walking their dogs, so by the time I did I was too tired and very impatient to get in line. So once I mixed my very classy plastic bottle of diet Coke with Bacardi, I just LEFT the mostly-full rum bottle there near some trees. I figured someone would appreciate the gift, this being Hollywood.
That's probably the shadiest thing I've ever done.
I get in line about 6:45, right in front of some people I'd seen over in Rite-Aid. We chill for a while and then are informed we're in the Will Call line--oops. We already had our tickets. So we have to schlep ourselves all the way to the end of a looooong line (around the block), passing all sorts of Nikki Sixx and Vince Neil lookalikes. We waited in line for over an hour. I got to know the two couples who had been shopping next to me in Rite-Aid and were now next to me in line. They were pretty cool and we were getting a little tipsy, trading Motley facts, reminiscing about past concerts, people watching. Two of the people, a brother (Robert) and sister (Diana), said I could kick it with then for the eve (their words...I don't say "kick it"). That sounded like fun, plus the brother was a big guy and would be able to help get us a good spot near the front.
We got inside and immediately got drinks so that we could be free to get a good spot for the show--my rum and Coke had long been consumed. We basically just stood around and waited for an hour. People spotted Nikki, Tommy and Pamela Anderson in one of the balconies, much screaming and cheering ensued. The Palladium is a small theater so the balconies were low and not deep--everyone could see the VIPs. I always had heard Motley were "of the people" and they certainly were that night.
But oh....nobody told us about the two bands that played a few songs before Motley came on. I felt bad for them because the crowd all but booed--and they were really good bands! But they'd had no publicity and everyone just wanted Motley to come out. There were a few belligerents during this time, including an older guy who accused my of sucker punching him (I didn't--I did elbow him really hard though and Robert complimented me) and a lady who was there with her mother who decided to yell something at everyone who tried to invade her "space". There is no such this as personal space at a rock concert.
FINALLY, at 10:50pm (doors were at 8) and a trip to the bathroom later, Motley came onstage. They opened with Kickstart My Heart of course, which revved everyone up immediately. They played through all the hits and the two singles from their new album (Saints of Los Angeles and Motherfucker of the Year). Vince sounded OK, crowd did a lot of the work for him. Which was alright, really. And it wasn't too loud so I didn't need the earplugs I'd spent $5 on the day before.
Only criticism: for most of the time I saw NOTHING except the top of the sets and the ceiling of the theater. And I was close to the stage! The problem is that the house floor of the Palladium DOESN'T SLOPE. What the hell is up with that?? And they just finished a huge renovation. So I only really saw Vince's head, and the other bandmates' heads when they came all the way downstage. Never saw Tommy play drums--only when he came up front to talk, and then on the screen playing keyboard on Home Sweet Home.
But it was great anyway. By the end I'd gotten within 10 feet of the stage so my view was a little better. The band played through all the favorites, Same Old Situation, Primal Scream (which Nikki introduced), Live Wire, Don't Go Away Mad, Girls Girls Girls, etc. Mick had a sick solo at one point. They ended with Dr. Feelgood--my favorite I think--but of course that wasn't the real end. After a few minutes of dark, Tommy lit up on the screen and the opening chords of Home Sweet Home began. Vince was handing the mike to people in the audience....it was great. And for the last "ooooos" he just stood still center stage, and raised up his hands for everyone to join in, like it was a prayer or something.
Great concert.
Over 6 hours of standing.
They played Frank Sinatra's "My Way" as exit music (piped in).
I had lost Robert and Diana somewhere during Girls Girls Girls, and I was too tired and in pain to care so I just made my escape. I think that's part of the whole concert experience and very "Motley."
So there was my first and hopefully not last "big name" rock concert experience. I had such a blast. Go Motley, 27 years strong.
P.S. I walked back to see if my bottle of rum was still where I'd left it. It wasn't.
Monday, November 10, 2008
monday blues
i guess the monday blues is at it again.
this week the company bigwigs are in town (I'm at work right now) and they are handing out the pink slips like they are going out of business (no pun intended). i've been old that I'm "OK", however accurate that is, but that apparently our department still "might be affected." I'm afraid to think about what that means especially with the holidays coming up etc.
I should not even care. I should be happy to take the severance should I get fired.
I'm in such an awkward position because our dept can't afford to lose any more people. And I want to quit. Great. Though I don't know how smart quitting is these days.
I am trying to stop reading certain blogs today. Most of the time these blogs really cheer me up,; I love reading the insights that some of these people have, and about their lives, and seeing the pictures etc. But today I just feel beaten down, worthless, the whole shebang.
These people have houses, nice cars, spouses who make shitloads of money. And they are only a couple of years older than me!
I know comparisons suck. And I'm not saying I need a husband or I need money or Hawaii vacations to be happy. I'm just saying I feel a little defeated right now. Deflated. Directionless. Confused. Sad. Angry. Anxious.
...you know. All of those things.
this week the company bigwigs are in town (I'm at work right now) and they are handing out the pink slips like they are going out of business (no pun intended). i've been old that I'm "OK", however accurate that is, but that apparently our department still "might be affected." I'm afraid to think about what that means especially with the holidays coming up etc.
I should not even care. I should be happy to take the severance should I get fired.
I'm in such an awkward position because our dept can't afford to lose any more people. And I want to quit. Great. Though I don't know how smart quitting is these days.
I am trying to stop reading certain blogs today. Most of the time these blogs really cheer me up,; I love reading the insights that some of these people have, and about their lives, and seeing the pictures etc. But today I just feel beaten down, worthless, the whole shebang.
These people have houses, nice cars, spouses who make shitloads of money. And they are only a couple of years older than me!
I know comparisons suck. And I'm not saying I need a husband or I need money or Hawaii vacations to be happy. I'm just saying I feel a little defeated right now. Deflated. Directionless. Confused. Sad. Angry. Anxious.
...you know. All of those things.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
All cancers should be created equal?
I was just thinking about something today since it's Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I was happy to find a message board that echoed my maybe-not-completely-politically-correct thoughts and feelings--whatever, I don't care. Read on. Having those pink ribbons shoved down my throat everywhere I look this month makes me feel a combination of gladness, jealousy, and anger. My comments/reactions are in bold.
I guess I'm not the only one who is suffering from compassion fatigue about breast cancer. YES, we are all aware of breast cancer now. I wish I had breast cancer instead of the rare terminal cancer that I suffer from. There are no foundations for bile duct cancer. No support groups. No pink ribbons. No 5K walks to raise money. No "buy pink" products.
I like the American Cancer Society because they support the fight against ALL types of cancer and don't discriminate in favor of one or another. I'm sorry for every one who has to fight cancer of any kind.
My wife has head and neck cancer that is now in her lungs and we have been fighting it for almost 9 years alone. There is no one out beating a drum to help her. All you ever hear about is breast cancer this and breast cancer that. Even in the oncology clinic its all the reading material is about breast or prostate cancer. People either are insensitive to you or don't know what to say at all...I wish that all these celebrities would band have shows about cancer in general instead of just jumping on the band wagon of breast cancer.
I guess I'm not the only one who is suffering from compassion fatigue about breast cancer. YES, we are all aware of breast cancer now. I wish I had breast cancer instead of the rare terminal cancer that I suffer from. There are no foundations for bile duct cancer. No support groups. No pink ribbons. No 5K walks to raise money. No "buy pink" products.
I like the American Cancer Society because they support the fight against ALL types of cancer and don't discriminate in favor of one or another. I'm sorry for every one who has to fight cancer of any kind.
My wife has head and neck cancer that is now in her lungs and we have been fighting it for almost 9 years alone. There is no one out beating a drum to help her. All you ever hear about is breast cancer this and breast cancer that. Even in the oncology clinic its all the reading material is about breast or prostate cancer. People either are insensitive to you or don't know what to say at all...I wish that all these celebrities would band have shows about cancer in general instead of just jumping on the band wagon of breast cancer.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Halloween and other things
I'm looking forward to Halloween this year, because last year I didn't dress up or do anything. I've been feeling down the last few weeks (last week was better, this week even better, hope things stay on the upswing for a while) so I need some things to feel good about. Recitals went very well this past Saturday. I am very proud of my students (and myself)!
My Halloween costume is making me nervous and excited. I am going as Kat Von D from LA Ink. I have all of the supplies I need: big belt, "fake tattoo" shirt, huge earrings and huge sunglasses. I also got bright red lipstick and dark black eyeliner, and..a can of that "spray-on" hair dye.
...Yeah let's stop for a minute and discuss this hair dye. Saturday night I sprayed a little bit on a small chunk of hair. This was in the bathroom. I touched my finger to the hair. Finger had a small amount of black dye on it. I touched my finger to the counter area. There was a little bit of black. I reached for some toilet paper to wipe it away, wetting it first.
.......the black dye ended up EVERYWHERE in the bathroom. All over in and around the sink, or my toiletry stuff, my contact lens case, ALL over the floor....it was disgusting. And the stuff on my hair also smudged my face. All from this little tiny bit, I am not kidding. It somehow took on a life of its own and through some sort of sick cellular mitosis invaded my bathroom. As the black mess grew I went from pieces of toilet paper to paper towels to a kitchen sponge....it took about 20 minutes to contain this mutant life form.
I'm looking forward to Disneyland on Friday....
I'm freaking out right now. Because I've had a bunch of coffee and when I have that much coffee, I get anxious. And well....I'm anxious because I'm thinking of not going to rehearsal today. Now we get three absences (a LOT) per quarter, I have not used any yet, I have attended every rehearsal so far--six or seven--there are only six or seven "regular time" rehearsals left--but I keep thinking, what if I'm too tired NEXT week? I can't miss two weeks in a row!! AAAUUUUGH. I'm a freak, man.
My Halloween costume is making me nervous and excited. I am going as Kat Von D from LA Ink. I have all of the supplies I need: big belt, "fake tattoo" shirt, huge earrings and huge sunglasses. I also got bright red lipstick and dark black eyeliner, and..a can of that "spray-on" hair dye.
...Yeah let's stop for a minute and discuss this hair dye. Saturday night I sprayed a little bit on a small chunk of hair. This was in the bathroom. I touched my finger to the hair. Finger had a small amount of black dye on it. I touched my finger to the counter area. There was a little bit of black. I reached for some toilet paper to wipe it away, wetting it first.
.......the black dye ended up EVERYWHERE in the bathroom. All over in and around the sink, or my toiletry stuff, my contact lens case, ALL over the floor....it was disgusting. And the stuff on my hair also smudged my face. All from this little tiny bit, I am not kidding. It somehow took on a life of its own and through some sort of sick cellular mitosis invaded my bathroom. As the black mess grew I went from pieces of toilet paper to paper towels to a kitchen sponge....it took about 20 minutes to contain this mutant life form.
I'm looking forward to Disneyland on Friday....
I'm freaking out right now. Because I've had a bunch of coffee and when I have that much coffee, I get anxious. And well....I'm anxious because I'm thinking of not going to rehearsal today. Now we get three absences (a LOT) per quarter, I have not used any yet, I have attended every rehearsal so far--six or seven--there are only six or seven "regular time" rehearsals left--but I keep thinking, what if I'm too tired NEXT week? I can't miss two weeks in a row!! AAAUUUUGH. I'm a freak, man.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
oh. my. god.
Dear Mateja Schuck,
Thank you for purchasing your 1 ticket(s) from Live Nation Tickets.
This email serves as your receipt.
Your method of delivery is: Regular Mail
ORDER: 18493645
Your ticket(s) are for an event at the following venue(s): Hollywood Palladium - Hollywood, CA
You have been charged for the following:
Serial # 1939181565 -----Section GA6 ----- Row GA1----- Seat 300---- Price $86.50 Conv. Fee ---- $14.75 Date---- November 14, 2008 ---- Performance Mötley Crüe
Delivery Fee: $0.00
Order Fee: $5.15
Total Ticket Price: $106.40
Thank you for purchasing your 1 ticket(s) from Live Nation Tickets.
This email serves as your receipt.
Your method of delivery is: Regular Mail
ORDER: 18493645
Your ticket(s) are for an event at the following venue(s): Hollywood Palladium - Hollywood, CA
You have been charged for the following:
Serial # 1939181565 -----Section GA6 ----- Row GA1----- Seat 300---- Price $86.50 Conv. Fee ---- $14.75 Date---- November 14, 2008 ---- Performance Mötley Crüe
Delivery Fee: $0.00
Order Fee: $5.15
Total Ticket Price: $106.40
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
The ABCs of Mateja
THE ABCs OF MATEJA
A - ADVOCATE FOR: Good grammar
B - BEST FEATURE: My ability to listen
C - COULD DO WITHOUT: My lazy left eye, body hair, and the self-doubt
D - DREAMS & DESIRES: To live a good life -- to be important to others in a George Bailey way -- to meet Nikki Sixx -- to get my butt back to graduate school soon -- to make a difference -- to see Africa
E - ESSENTIAL ITEMS: chapstick, hair tie
F - FAVORITE PASTIME: Reading in a cozy spot, doing costuming projects, learning a new piece of music
G - GOOD AT: Memorizing things, driving directions, sight-singing and sight-reading music, listening, communicating, sentimentality
H - HAVE NEVER TRIED: Therapy (the counselor I saw a few times in college doesn't really count), bungee jumping, skydiving, surfing...
I - IF I HAD A MILLION DOLLARS: Pay off my credit card and car, put some away for a home down payment, and invest. Oh--I'd also "blow" a little and travel to Iceland, Hawaii, Thailand, and all over Africa.
J - JUNKIE FOR: Good 'n' Plentys, Oreos, Fruit Runts, Nerds. I'm seven.
K - KINDRED SPIRIT: More and more, I think my Dad is one. I don't know of anyone else right now who I'd put in that category. Maybe that's why I've been feeling so empty of late...
L - LITTLE KNOWN FACT: I had scarlet fever as a kid. No joke.
M - MEMORABLE MOMENT: Junior year of college when I opened the envelope which contained a letter telling me I had been chosen out of about 300 applicants to be one of 25 2005 Orientation Leaders for Santa Clara University. I screamed, jumped up and down, cried....another was when I was cast in Kiss Me Kate sophomore year of college. Same reaction.
N - NEVER AGAIN WILL I: Waste a travel opportunity.
O - OCCASIONAL INDULGENCE: DVDs.
P - PROFESSION: Music teacher/office assistant
Q - QUOTE: something from Victor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning
R - REASON TO SMILE: Only 45 minutes left here at work.
S - SORRY ABOUT: Not being in school right now. Not being there for my mom more when she was dying.
T - TAG SOME FRIENDS: Huh?
U - UNINTERESTED IN: American Idol, Dancing With the Stars, most TV shows (exceptions are LOST and The Office)
V - VERY SCARED OF: Failure. Fear itself. Something bad happening to a loved one.
W - WORST HABIT: Not finishing things I start. Too quick to apologize/take the blame
X - X MARKS MY IDEAL VACATION SPOT: Star Island, Minnesota
Y - YUMMIEST DESSERT: Cookies 'n' Cream ice cream, moon cake, sorbets, creme brulee....
Z - ZODIAC SIGN: Virgo
WHAT ARE THE ABC’S OF YOU?
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
yesssss
| I don't think I've done one of these silly things in years....check out the super-intelligent "analysis" that this first quiz creator gives. Which Mötley Crüe member are you? | |||||||||||||||||||
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Friday, October 3, 2008
journaling
I want to get back into journaling. I don't know if blogging can really be considered the same thing because there is something to having a book and pen in hand, and seeing the words in your own handwriting complete with scribbles etc. And you can do it anytime if you take your journal with you.
Blogging always seems more thought-out, since most blogs are put out for everyone to see and are somewhat controlled toward specific subject matter (to be fair, a lot aren't. I like those ones a lot). I like the stream-of-consciousness quality that comes with journaling, and the freedom that comes with the knowledge that nobody else is going to be reading this ever.
I saved all my old journals and diaries from when I was in 5th through 8th grade---at least I hope nobody threw them away back home. I haven't looked at all at them since those years. That's definitely something I need to do when I go to Chicago next. I would like to revisit what my thoughts and feelings were back then, what kind of person I was, etc. I remember writing page after page, even after "journal time" in the morning at school was done. I think I used to sit at my desk and journal when I was supposed to be paying attention in class. I don't remember anything of what I wrote, but I remember it being therapeutic in a tough time. Grade school years for me were hellish. I didn't have any friends at school; I was a nerd and everyone made fun of or just avoided me. So I remember feeling comforted by writing. I remember feeling like the diary was my friend when nobody else was, and someone I could confide in when nobody else would listen or understand.
I read a lot of online blogs/journals, the most recent being the one I posted the link to in my last entry. Apparently he still journals every day and thinks it's very important for people to do so. I guess I do too...everyone needs a release. And I agree that you don't have to be a pro or even a good writer to express yourself in written word. I mean...I'm here aren't I? Who even is reading this? I don't care either way. It's something to do, and something I can look back on and think about, years from now. Mateja at 24, what she was thinking and feeling, and so on.
Cheers!
Blogging always seems more thought-out, since most blogs are put out for everyone to see and are somewhat controlled toward specific subject matter (to be fair, a lot aren't. I like those ones a lot). I like the stream-of-consciousness quality that comes with journaling, and the freedom that comes with the knowledge that nobody else is going to be reading this ever.
I saved all my old journals and diaries from when I was in 5th through 8th grade---at least I hope nobody threw them away back home. I haven't looked at all at them since those years. That's definitely something I need to do when I go to Chicago next. I would like to revisit what my thoughts and feelings were back then, what kind of person I was, etc. I remember writing page after page, even after "journal time" in the morning at school was done. I think I used to sit at my desk and journal when I was supposed to be paying attention in class. I don't remember anything of what I wrote, but I remember it being therapeutic in a tough time. Grade school years for me were hellish. I didn't have any friends at school; I was a nerd and everyone made fun of or just avoided me. So I remember feeling comforted by writing. I remember feeling like the diary was my friend when nobody else was, and someone I could confide in when nobody else would listen or understand.
I read a lot of online blogs/journals, the most recent being the one I posted the link to in my last entry. Apparently he still journals every day and thinks it's very important for people to do so. I guess I do too...everyone needs a release. And I agree that you don't have to be a pro or even a good writer to express yourself in written word. I mean...I'm here aren't I? Who even is reading this? I don't care either way. It's something to do, and something I can look back on and think about, years from now. Mateja at 24, what she was thinking and feeling, and so on.
Cheers!
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
in which i disclose what my blog should be like
been reading this for the better part of an hour. check these entries out.
http://www.absolute-motleycrue.com/nikki.html
http://www.absolute-motleycrue.com/nikki.html
Friday, September 26, 2008
irritated
my car is all messed up. it's filthy. paint is scored on the back bumper and chipping off. i want to take it to a car wash tomorrow, but 1) the one by my place has gotten terrible reviews on yelp.com--to the effect that they are rude, don't speak English (so they can't understand any special instructions you give them), there are lots of thefts, and they give you the hard sell for upgrades to more expensive washes. 2) I am afraid they won't honor my instructions to either be very gentle or simply stay away from the peeling paint on my bumper/ One false move and all my paint will be gone, baby, gone.
i have to take the sucker in to get repainted anyway, it seems. since i park outside that means it always gets soaked by lawn-watering sprinklers and dew. And that water is getting trapped under my peeling paint. Disaster waiting to happen, if you ask me.
and, i dunno. the debates are tonight and im getting worked up about it.
really, it's just been a long week and I'm ready for it to be done.
i have to take the sucker in to get repainted anyway, it seems. since i park outside that means it always gets soaked by lawn-watering sprinklers and dew. And that water is getting trapped under my peeling paint. Disaster waiting to happen, if you ask me.
and, i dunno. the debates are tonight and im getting worked up about it.
really, it's just been a long week and I'm ready for it to be done.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
bday and aftermath
What a nice time my bday weekend was. Friday night Linus and I went out for a nice Italian dinner (something we don't eat a lot of--all that pasta and cheese...). It was GRAND....our favorite item was the blood susage. I kid you not--great stuff. A cousin of the Slovenian krvavice, the Italian version of blood sausage is thicker and grinds up the barley for the filling instead of the putting the grains in whole as the Slovenians do. That was Staramama's theory, anyway, when I asked her about it on the phone on Monday.
Saturday was the party day. It started off with rehearsal for Beethoven's 9th, then dropping shoes off at repair place, then getting yelled at by a cop for not having my front license plate attached (long story why...but I didn't get a ticket). Evening came, and Linus and I made our way to the designated party locale--El Carmen--early to grab some food. Alas, we arrived and the door was locked! Several phone calls later we get through to someone inside who explains they are closed for a private event. Thanks for letting the rest of us in on it! So after a smallish panic attack courtesy of me, we did some fast maneuvering and redirected ourselves and the impending group to Tart on Fairfax. Tart was all well and good, complete will food, until it closed at 11pm (whoops!). We had to relocate a second time to St. Nick's Pub. But all in all it was fun--people kept a sense of humor about the craziness (the 5 or 6 drinks helped me with that) and we had a great time.
Sunday I taught for what seemed like forever, and then went almost immediately over to UCLA to sing for the 4th movement of Beethoven's 9th symphony. Younger groups don't perform this so how appropriate that I should perform this particular piece the day after i enter my official mid-twenties.
More on that later. The "aftermath" has been a little ugly.
Monday I did the thank-yous. I called Grandma & Grandpa and Staramama. How nice to hear from them. I miss them enormously.
I'll post about how I'm feeling today--and how I felt yesterday--later. Let's just say there are a few choice blogs from people older and wiser than me who are getting me through it.
OK, lastly, if only to not break with tradition, here is my 2008 Birthday
Loot List:
3 "I Heart Guts" toys: pancreas, liver and uterus (thanks, L!)
1 black tee with some cool patters (thanks, L!)
1 white tee that says "I've Been to Duluth" (thanks, L!)
$800 (thanks Dad, Staramama, and G&G)
$50 worth of Barnes & Noble gift cards (thanks D&K, and my coworkers)
a bookmark (thanks coworkers)
Flight of the Conchords DVD (thanks, Nicole!)
1 bag of Maltesers (thanks T.C. & Leo!)
...and cards (thanks G&G, Dad, Franz, Linus, D&K, coworkers, Dan, Nicole, T.M.!)
Saturday was the party day. It started off with rehearsal for Beethoven's 9th, then dropping shoes off at repair place, then getting yelled at by a cop for not having my front license plate attached (long story why...but I didn't get a ticket). Evening came, and Linus and I made our way to the designated party locale--El Carmen--early to grab some food. Alas, we arrived and the door was locked! Several phone calls later we get through to someone inside who explains they are closed for a private event. Thanks for letting the rest of us in on it! So after a smallish panic attack courtesy of me, we did some fast maneuvering and redirected ourselves and the impending group to Tart on Fairfax. Tart was all well and good, complete will food, until it closed at 11pm (whoops!). We had to relocate a second time to St. Nick's Pub. But all in all it was fun--people kept a sense of humor about the craziness (the 5 or 6 drinks helped me with that) and we had a great time.
Sunday I taught for what seemed like forever, and then went almost immediately over to UCLA to sing for the 4th movement of Beethoven's 9th symphony. Younger groups don't perform this so how appropriate that I should perform this particular piece the day after i enter my official mid-twenties.
More on that later. The "aftermath" has been a little ugly.
Monday I did the thank-yous. I called Grandma & Grandpa and Staramama. How nice to hear from them. I miss them enormously.
I'll post about how I'm feeling today--and how I felt yesterday--later. Let's just say there are a few choice blogs from people older and wiser than me who are getting me through it.
OK, lastly, if only to not break with tradition, here is my 2008 Birthday
Loot List:
3 "I Heart Guts" toys: pancreas, liver and uterus (thanks, L!)
1 black tee with some cool patters (thanks, L!)
1 white tee that says "I've Been to Duluth" (thanks, L!)
$800 (thanks Dad, Staramama, and G&G)
$50 worth of Barnes & Noble gift cards (thanks D&K, and my coworkers)
a bookmark (thanks coworkers)
Flight of the Conchords DVD (thanks, Nicole!)
1 bag of Maltesers (thanks T.C. & Leo!)
...and cards (thanks G&G, Dad, Franz, Linus, D&K, coworkers, Dan, Nicole, T.M.!)
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
how i feel today
i had been feeling pretty chipper for a while now....great mini-vacation for Labor Day, fun shenanigans this past weekend.....
Even yesterday I felt psychologically very good (physically, I was hung over and yucky).
Today I'm a little down and thinking about my faults a lot. I'm a big mouth. I can't ever keep my opinions to myself. I never seem to be able to mind my own business. I always have to put my 2 cents' worth in. I'm bossy. I never let people alone. I always find something to criticize.
I wish I was better.
Even yesterday I felt psychologically very good (physically, I was hung over and yucky).
Today I'm a little down and thinking about my faults a lot. I'm a big mouth. I can't ever keep my opinions to myself. I never seem to be able to mind my own business. I always have to put my 2 cents' worth in. I'm bossy. I never let people alone. I always find something to criticize.
I wish I was better.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
An Old, Relevant Raffi Song
Mama's taking us to the zoo tomorrow!
Zoo tomorrow, zoo tomorrow!
Mama's taking us to the zoo tomorrow!
We can stay all day.
We're going to the zoo, zoo, zoo
How about you, you, you?
You can come too, too, too
We're going to the zoo!
....ok maybe Mama's not taking us, but I am going to the San Diego Zoo this Saturday. I've been wanting to go ever since I read the Dr. Seuss Children's Series book about it. So, since I was three years old or something. I'm pretty excited.
Zoo tomorrow, zoo tomorrow!
Mama's taking us to the zoo tomorrow!
We can stay all day.
We're going to the zoo, zoo, zoo
How about you, you, you?
You can come too, too, too
We're going to the zoo!
....ok maybe Mama's not taking us, but I am going to the San Diego Zoo this Saturday. I've been wanting to go ever since I read the Dr. Seuss Children's Series book about it. So, since I was three years old or something. I'm pretty excited.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
My Bros and Their Sis
Last Thursday, my brother Franz started junior year of high school. He is using my old Latin textbook, with all of my translations written in the margins (something for which he has already thanked me profusely) . This summer he learned to drive a stick shift, something I don't even really know how to do.
Tomorrow my brother Aloysius flies off to Rome to study abroad for three and a half months. He's beginning his junior year of college. I'm a little afraid, as he's already informed me that he wants to hitchhike to Munich for Oktoberfest. Nevermind that he could easily afford a bus or train ticket. That's just Al.
And so, as he prepares to leave and Franz reminisces with me via text abouthigh school teachers we shared, I keep thinking how much time flies. My baby brothers are getting so grown up...which means I'm even older. However cliché this sounds, it really does seem like just yesterday that we were all kids, putting on plays in the basement, fighting over what movie to watch, playing basketball in the alley.
Which leads me to the same question that pops up with me every day. Where is life going to take me next? What is my next step?
Tomorrow my brother Aloysius flies off to Rome to study abroad for three and a half months. He's beginning his junior year of college. I'm a little afraid, as he's already informed me that he wants to hitchhike to Munich for Oktoberfest. Nevermind that he could easily afford a bus or train ticket. That's just Al.
And so, as he prepares to leave and Franz reminisces with me via text abouthigh school teachers we shared, I keep thinking how much time flies. My baby brothers are getting so grown up...which means I'm even older. However cliché this sounds, it really does seem like just yesterday that we were all kids, putting on plays in the basement, fighting over what movie to watch, playing basketball in the alley.
Which leads me to the same question that pops up with me every day. Where is life going to take me next? What is my next step?
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Guests, Fat Flush and Me
i am feeling only so-so, on Day 3 of the Fat Flush Diet. I cheated a little bit last night with two lowest-calorie-possible alcoholic drinks. because my old buddies SUE and NAOMI are both in town and we painted it red last night!!...well, pink, since for me it was a work night. These are the girls who had so much fun together at York Backpackers almost a year and a half ago now...stumbling home drunk from the pubs, watching movies on my laptop, gossiping about hostel stuff...reunited in Los Angeles!! If only for a day or so. I only wish I could have taken a day or two off of work to really be a tour guide, and if only I wasn't on the Fat Flush Diet.
Wha...? Huh? What is this? Read on.
I am so happy to be playing host to these two awesome Aussie gals, but it sure is annoying and tough while on this diet. There hasn't been enough hours in the day to make three meals AND shop for the next day and THEN make sure that my guests are fed too--cause they sure as hell don't want my meager and slightly strange-tasting Fat Flush meals. But don't hate--up until yesterday I didn't even know what escarole was let alone cook with it and eat it. And it isn't my fault if escarole tastes nasty.
I just want to eat a piece of bread. I crave bread like you would not believe. It HURTS me to see bread in the stores or the leftover buns from lunch on the counters here at work (they're just going to be THROWN AWAY!). Oh, and I think the diet is already making me crazy because I have this fear that my body won't WANT this stuff after the two-week cleanse. That is in fact of what the book kind of claims will happen. What if 1.5 weeks ago was the last white bread I ever eat? What if that Snickers fun-size was the last chocolate I will ever enjoy putting in my mouth? I don't think that's rational at all... but it seems that this diet is making me nuts.
I'm on 1100-1200 calories a day. Veggies (and the low carb ones too, so no potatoes, no corn, no carrots, no avocado...) and meat are just about all I can have. One fruit a day. I have to drink 64 oz of what they call "cran-water"(1 part totally unsweetened cranberry juice to 7 parts water) daily, so I'm peeing like a racehorse all the time. When I wake up and when I go to bed I have to mix the cran-water with a teaspoon of powdered psyllium husks, which doesn't mix well with liquid because it's so fine and when it does it turns into some kind of superglue which is hell to clean out of the inside of the glass after you've ingested all you can.
It seems that all I can talk about is this diet. See? It's taking over my mind. I didn't even sign on here to blog about it. This is how brainwashing works, isn't it? The group (in this case, Ann Louise Gittleman's Fat Flush book) subjects its victims (me) to a breakdown in value-set (I read the book and was informed that pretty much everything I eat is poisonous), then the introduction of a NEW value set (eat all organic, expensive, impossible-to-find veggies and herbs--how do non-Californians manage this diet???) to constant repetition of new values to replace the old (the constant minute-by minute rubric of what to eat and when to eat it, and the constant freaking cran-water)...and the weakening of physical and mental state by the low caloric intake per day. I'm pretty sure this is what Jim Jones did with People's Temple.
Anyway. I really miss bread and energy and not feeling like my head is in a soup, but...this too shall pass. And I'm sure America will still have bread in two weeks when I'm done with all of this. Linus had the brilliant idea of getting a mail-order Giordano's pizza for when we're all done.
Although the sudden dairy onslaught after two weeks of abstinence will probably send the both of us running for the bathroom....I must say it's a go.
The real reason I decided to blog today was originally my mounting feelings of homesickness and missing my family. I know it's because my brothers and cousins are at the lake right now--with a new water volleyball net no less--and I ache to be there with them. But I've cheered up a bit in writing this, and in going through my day. And I have been keeping up with the Olympics online and on TV and I'm not thinking about the lake as much as I was last week at this time, so I guess overall I am feelin' not too bad! Having friends over helped a lot, too. It was a nice distraction from the day-to-day routine that has been getting me down of late.
I'm ready for fall.
Wha...? Huh? What is this? Read on.
I am so happy to be playing host to these two awesome Aussie gals, but it sure is annoying and tough while on this diet. There hasn't been enough hours in the day to make three meals AND shop for the next day and THEN make sure that my guests are fed too--cause they sure as hell don't want my meager and slightly strange-tasting Fat Flush meals. But don't hate--up until yesterday I didn't even know what escarole was let alone cook with it and eat it. And it isn't my fault if escarole tastes nasty.
I just want to eat a piece of bread. I crave bread like you would not believe. It HURTS me to see bread in the stores or the leftover buns from lunch on the counters here at work (they're just going to be THROWN AWAY!). Oh, and I think the diet is already making me crazy because I have this fear that my body won't WANT this stuff after the two-week cleanse. That is in fact of what the book kind of claims will happen. What if 1.5 weeks ago was the last white bread I ever eat? What if that Snickers fun-size was the last chocolate I will ever enjoy putting in my mouth? I don't think that's rational at all... but it seems that this diet is making me nuts.
I'm on 1100-1200 calories a day. Veggies (and the low carb ones too, so no potatoes, no corn, no carrots, no avocado...) and meat are just about all I can have. One fruit a day. I have to drink 64 oz of what they call "cran-water"(1 part totally unsweetened cranberry juice to 7 parts water) daily, so I'm peeing like a racehorse all the time. When I wake up and when I go to bed I have to mix the cran-water with a teaspoon of powdered psyllium husks, which doesn't mix well with liquid because it's so fine and when it does it turns into some kind of superglue which is hell to clean out of the inside of the glass after you've ingested all you can.
It seems that all I can talk about is this diet. See? It's taking over my mind. I didn't even sign on here to blog about it. This is how brainwashing works, isn't it? The group (in this case, Ann Louise Gittleman's Fat Flush book) subjects its victims (me) to a breakdown in value-set (I read the book and was informed that pretty much everything I eat is poisonous), then the introduction of a NEW value set (eat all organic, expensive, impossible-to-find veggies and herbs--how do non-Californians manage this diet???) to constant repetition of new values to replace the old (the constant minute-by minute rubric of what to eat and when to eat it, and the constant freaking cran-water)...and the weakening of physical and mental state by the low caloric intake per day. I'm pretty sure this is what Jim Jones did with People's Temple.
Anyway. I really miss bread and energy and not feeling like my head is in a soup, but...this too shall pass. And I'm sure America will still have bread in two weeks when I'm done with all of this. Linus had the brilliant idea of getting a mail-order Giordano's pizza for when we're all done.
Although the sudden dairy onslaught after two weeks of abstinence will probably send the both of us running for the bathroom....I must say it's a go.
The real reason I decided to blog today was originally my mounting feelings of homesickness and missing my family. I know it's because my brothers and cousins are at the lake right now--with a new water volleyball net no less--and I ache to be there with them. But I've cheered up a bit in writing this, and in going through my day. And I have been keeping up with the Olympics online and on TV and I'm not thinking about the lake as much as I was last week at this time, so I guess overall I am feelin' not too bad! Having friends over helped a lot, too. It was a nice distraction from the day-to-day routine that has been getting me down of late.
I'm ready for fall.
Monday, July 14, 2008
and i promise soon there will be a real entry
I just got back from a heavenly vacation on Star Island, and I'm not quite acclimated to LA yet. I will post soon, with pictures. Stay tuned.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
my dad
My dad is an amazing person. Yeah we do our fair share of fighting, mostly because we both possess the same terrible quality of reading all sorts of things into what the other is saying, but at the end of the day even if our conversations are just him screaming at me, I somehow (well, most of the time) feel enlightened, as if some wise eminent being has decided to grace me with a snippet of some greater knowledge or truth.
In addition to and going hand-in-hand with this is the feeling that ever more often these days, he makes me feel like I'm a real adult. Not all of the time--and boy he lets me know when I'm not acting like one--but often enough that it's changing our relationship and the way I see myself. He reminds me constantly that probably the biggest part of being an adult is having to face the sucky parts of life, and get away from the idea that life is like a Disney flick.
That's scary to me. So what helps is Dad's firm voice saying, "Shit happens. And you have to go on."
The latest thing he told me was a story his brother, my uncle Punk, told about when he was in the navy. My dad loves to use real-life stories as metaphors for life and how to live it. Uncle Punk used to be on ships that would sometimes hit very rough waters. The ships were designed with a certain amount of ballast in the hull, with a monitor that would detect how much the ship would list during a storm. In heavy storms, the ship would often list far enough to one side that water would enter the smokestacks and engine room. The ballast was what would enable the ship to come upright again, and as long as that happened, the ship's pumps could expel the water that was taken in, and the ship would stay afloat. There were times, though, that Uncle Punk and his crewmates saw the monitor's alarm light flash on, meaning that the ship was leaning too far over to one side and for too long, and they weren't sure if the ship would be able to right itself. Happily in their case, it always did.
Dad wanted me to see that it is important to have that ballast inside of oneself--that self-appreciation and love and confidence and strength that enables us to right ourselves even when we are listing and taking on water. I like this metaphor because the ballast is within the ship. A reminder of where one's ultimate strength has to come from.
Dad, I thank you for our conversation today. I felt a little frightened when you said bluntly that well, bad and unfortunate things do happen, and they happen to millions of people every day. Sometimes I do not like to think about that. But a greater part of what I felt was solidarity with you and solidarity with the world at large, and I felt strangely comforted with this knowledge. I guess I felt that if everyone else can deal with life's pains and aches and so much worse--I mean hell, just look at Myanmar, China and our own Midwest--I can, too. Maybe I'm just a little bit less afraid, and for that I am grateful.
In addition to and going hand-in-hand with this is the feeling that ever more often these days, he makes me feel like I'm a real adult. Not all of the time--and boy he lets me know when I'm not acting like one--but often enough that it's changing our relationship and the way I see myself. He reminds me constantly that probably the biggest part of being an adult is having to face the sucky parts of life, and get away from the idea that life is like a Disney flick.
That's scary to me. So what helps is Dad's firm voice saying, "Shit happens. And you have to go on."
The latest thing he told me was a story his brother, my uncle Punk, told about when he was in the navy. My dad loves to use real-life stories as metaphors for life and how to live it. Uncle Punk used to be on ships that would sometimes hit very rough waters. The ships were designed with a certain amount of ballast in the hull, with a monitor that would detect how much the ship would list during a storm. In heavy storms, the ship would often list far enough to one side that water would enter the smokestacks and engine room. The ballast was what would enable the ship to come upright again, and as long as that happened, the ship's pumps could expel the water that was taken in, and the ship would stay afloat. There were times, though, that Uncle Punk and his crewmates saw the monitor's alarm light flash on, meaning that the ship was leaning too far over to one side and for too long, and they weren't sure if the ship would be able to right itself. Happily in their case, it always did.
Dad wanted me to see that it is important to have that ballast inside of oneself--that self-appreciation and love and confidence and strength that enables us to right ourselves even when we are listing and taking on water. I like this metaphor because the ballast is within the ship. A reminder of where one's ultimate strength has to come from.
Dad, I thank you for our conversation today. I felt a little frightened when you said bluntly that well, bad and unfortunate things do happen, and they happen to millions of people every day. Sometimes I do not like to think about that. But a greater part of what I felt was solidarity with you and solidarity with the world at large, and I felt strangely comforted with this knowledge. I guess I felt that if everyone else can deal with life's pains and aches and so much worse--I mean hell, just look at Myanmar, China and our own Midwest--I can, too. Maybe I'm just a little bit less afraid, and for that I am grateful.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
this just to say...
...to let the world know that I am still here, in one piece believe it or not.
I'm trying this new heath kick. It's sort of an amorphous diet consisting of me seeing just how much willpower I have. I've been having salads for lunch the last two days, minimal carbs, no soda, caffeine only in the form of green tea....I've been trying to swim every day too but I keep getting earaches. Something will have to be done about this, I suppose.
All this couldn't have come a moment too soon, as it is summertime.
I go to the lake in just about a week. I am very excited to be going. I guess I know that things are going to be different than how theyve been in the past, and different than what I expected, but it's still the lake, it's still family and it will be ok.
I'm trying this new heath kick. It's sort of an amorphous diet consisting of me seeing just how much willpower I have. I've been having salads for lunch the last two days, minimal carbs, no soda, caffeine only in the form of green tea....I've been trying to swim every day too but I keep getting earaches. Something will have to be done about this, I suppose.
All this couldn't have come a moment too soon, as it is summertime.
I go to the lake in just about a week. I am very excited to be going. I guess I know that things are going to be different than how theyve been in the past, and different than what I expected, but it's still the lake, it's still family and it will be ok.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
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I mean absolutely no disrespect to those with Breast Cancer; but, I am a woman in my 40's who was diagnosed in July 2007 with Rectal Cancer and from day one I have not been able to understand why Breast Cancer gets sooo much more attention. [well it's because it's more common...] ALL Cancers are horrible and everyone who is diagnosed with whatever type of cancer is terrified and forced to face their own mortality. All loved ones, co-workers, family, friends, etc., react the same to every type of cancer. In short, if we are talking emotional affects, all cancers need to be treated as one.
I am a cancer survivor - Uterine cancer. Why is every article that addresses cancer in women geared toward breast cancer. Mine was just as emotional and devastating.
I do agree breast gets all the attention,but hey if it gets people to see Cancer is out there and brings in funding I guess we should just hope it filters down to the rest of us! Yeah, maybe they can do a percentage thing, like if 30% of people have prostate cancer then they can have 30% of the funding. Wait....I realize this all probably sounds pissy and whiny of me. I don't really care right now. I recognize, of course, that a lot more people have breast cancer than fibrosacroma. So of course it's going to get more money, and more attention. I guess just seeing all of those pink ribbons and balloons at the grocery store, and those Yoplait yogurt lids makes me think about what would have happened to Mommy if she'd only had a cancer that got that much funding for research. It seems like with breast cancer there;s always some experimental new thing that can be tried. After mom had her bouts with the usual radiation and chemo, that was it. No new options. Just a slow gradation of painkillers from Tylenol to methadone.
I donate for cancer every time I'm asked. But I donate less to breast because a ton more people are giving for that because it's so widely publicized. Readers out there, don't hate me for this...I just think it's only fair.